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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not making DS go on this trip?

179 replies

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 13:48

DS is now approaching the end of year 10. The school is planning a 'gcse bootcamp' trip for all year 11 pupils at the start of term. The trip involves an overnight stay at an outdoor activity centre, revision sessions and team building activities and adventure courses.

DS does not want to go, he went on this kind of trip in primary school and hated it, he also has a game for a sport he plays on the Saturday morning (the trip is overnight on the friday) that he doesn't want to miss.

The school have called me and said the trip is very important for GCSE preparation and he should be attending.

I'm finding it hard to see just how much essential GCSE prep can be done in a less than 24 hour trip and am thinking if he doesn't want to go then it's no big deal.

OP posts:
RedTideBlues · 19/07/2019 14:38

I don't see what team building activities and adventure courses have to do with revision and taking exams. Especially if its doing stuff that your son detests.

PineappleSeahorse · 19/07/2019 14:38

Please don't make him go. It'd be hell on Earth for some children and it sounds like he's one of those who'd hate it and get nothing out of it except stress.(I was the same)

TanMateix · 19/07/2019 14:39

I would send him regardless, unless you want him feeling like the outsider for the rest of the year or he is a very popular kid everyone wants to be friends with.

Early activities in the academic are basically team building exercises, he is likely to be placed with his new tutorial group for A levels, if he is not there he will miss that part of the bonding and will feel a bit lost or push to the side when he joins the group after the activity.

The fact he didn’t like a camp in primary school is a better reason to send him now, so he can see that there is no t always associated with going away as an individual. It would also help him to cope with being on his own in preparation to uni.

Grammar · 19/07/2019 14:40

If your mum or dad can't stick up for you, who can?

alittleprivacy · 19/07/2019 14:40

Just tell the school he has a pre-standing commitment to his sport. That's it. Don't tell them he won't like it, doesn't want to go or anything like that. Just that he already has a commitment on that morning. It's to his sport, if it's a team sport strongly emphasise that too. He is committed to something already. The end.

Juicyfrooty · 19/07/2019 14:40

Thank you for all the replies, you've reinforced what my gut was telling me.

I wont be sending him

OP posts:
SnakesAndStones · 19/07/2019 14:41

No don't make him go. What on earth would he get out of being forced to do something he hates? Good for you for listening to his feelings and not telling him 'he's a big boy now'. I think that's a ridiculous suggestion. How would those posters feel if your spouses said similar to you about something you hated doing?

Spookydot · 19/07/2019 14:43

You’re his mum. You know what is best for him. Do whatever you think is right for him!

BrokenWing · 19/07/2019 14:44

What are the "revision sessions" that are so important? I assume not subject based, but more setting the scene for year 11, why it is so important to study consistently throughout the year as soon as the year starts, how to be organised, have a revision timetable, revision tips (using revision cards, mind maps, notes and other tools)?

If you are confident/comfortable missing this wont impact him and you can help him how to study I would miss it. I wouldn't expect the school to do catch up sessions for those that don't want to go.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/07/2019 14:44

How on earth is 'team building' stuff going to help with his GCSEs? Sounds like some sort of bollocks made up by the people who run this sort of centre. You don't do GCSEs as a team.

Some people enjoy this sort of thing - others really don't.

I wouldn't make him go.

PineappleSeahorse · 19/07/2019 14:44

Team building exercises are the worst fucking idea ever invented.

BlackBirdInMyGarden · 19/07/2019 14:45

"he's a big boy now" - apparently not big enough to make his own mind up and have that decision respected though, eh? Hmm

OP - I think you're doing the right thing by listening to him an not trying to force him to go.

Drogosnextwife · 19/07/2019 14:47

I wouldn't send him, he is a big boys and can decide what he likes and doesn't like all by himself.

Grammar · 19/07/2019 14:49

Hear, hear, blackbird

VeThings · 19/07/2019 14:50

I think you’re right not to send him.

Ask schools or exactly what the revision part of the trip will cover - DS can cover it at home with support from you (and online!)

thetimekeeper · 19/07/2019 14:51

If the "revision sessions" are so critical then they should take place in school time, on school premises without requiring participation in random other crap and overnight stays.

BlueMoon1103 · 19/07/2019 14:52

I would never force my DS to go on any trip he didn’t want to. It’s unnecessary and mean.

PanamaPattie · 19/07/2019 14:53

You are not part of a team when you’re doing the exam so this team building nonsense is just a waste of time.

Well done OP for supporting your son.

Lovemusic33 · 19/07/2019 14:53

If it was that important then surely all schools would be running a similar trip? My dd’s School isn’t. My dd wouldn’t want to attend, she hates outdoor activities and often gets bullied when she attempts to take part did to her anxiety and disability. If it’s going to upset him that much I wouldn’t make him go, you could try and encourage him but at the end of the day I don’t think you can force him.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 19/07/2019 14:59

I view any time outside of normal school hours as my family's and my time. We get to choose what we do with it and neither school nor anyone else have any right to dictate what we do with it, if something doesn't suit we have to say no.

Because of various problems with an A level DS1 was doing over the last two years he was 'requested' to go in for extra lessons one day a week for half a term, from beginning of school until 5.00pm not just the end of the school day. The letter was worded in such a way as to make it sound compulsory.

We did appreciate the fact the school were offering extra tuition. I signed the permission slip but put a note on to say that when we had other things on he wouldn't be able to stay. No arguments from school thankfully.

It was the first time this school had taught this subject at this level and it had a lot of teething problems. Every student had been estimated to get A grades or higher and if you don't look likely to hit the estimated grade you are 'offered' extra lessons. Things were missed in the teaching and it was a bit of a disaster all round so all the dozen or so students in this subject were supposed to attend the extras, it happened a couple of more times over the two years too. Not every student turned up for the extra tuition, but there wasn't much school could do when it involved time after school, people have other commitments. All they could do was revoke the students privilege of leaving site over free lessons and have them study then if they felt it necessary.

Ds1 did miss a couple of sessions because of other appointments and he forgot about the first one he was supposed to stay for at the beginning of a half term, so he missed some and school didn't argue about it.

Unless you commit to something then it isn't compulsory, even then if something happens to change your circumstances you can pull out of a commitment. Ds1 has aspergers and if he was offered an hospital appt when school was wanting him for the extra tuition he would have gone to the hospital, it would be harder to get another appt than catch up at school.

In our current circumstances dh only has 1 in 3 Saturdays off work, we make plans for those Saturdays and would not make a child go off with school to do something they don't like doing when we need that one Saturday every three weeks as our only family day together. Even without limited free time it would be a no from us for sending any of our boys off to do this if they don't want to.

Your ds doesn't want to do the activity, you are happy to not make him do it. Don't force him to go

HiHoToffee · 19/07/2019 15:00

Ofcourse YANBU, if he doesn't want to go he doesn't go, his choice.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 19/07/2019 15:02

Dont send him. Tell the school. You will ensure that revision is done but the trip is causing undue anxiety that is in fact causing more prob,ems than its worth.

Thank you for advocating for your son and not pushing this on him.

TanMateix · 19/07/2019 15:02

I am not so sure not willing to stretch your kid to join in school activities every other kid is participating on is the best for the kid.

Independence and self reliance are built gradually over years. Not stretching them to face their fears or stresses can certainly cripple them for future independent life. It is a 24 hr school camp, not a 6 month military boot camp!

ddl1 · 19/07/2019 15:03

I wouldn't make him go. Team building activities are relevant to some jobs, but not IMO to exam preparation. If he is taking part in a sporting activity, then he will have experience in team-based physical activities anyway - why does it have to be 'adventure' type activities, which many children hate? It sounds to me as though this was designed for those children who dislike academic subjects and will only be motivated to make an effort if it's in the context of social and physical 'adventure'. For many children, it would have a de-motivating effect.

Perhaps you could insist that your son do some work related to schoolwork over the weekend (when not taking part in his sporting event), so that he doesn't get the idea that he can just take time off to get a bit of extra screen time. But I certainly wouldn't insist that he go on the event. And I seriously doubt that all the others in the class are going, especially if it costs money. Indeed, the pressure that the school are exerting on you to send him may be precisely because they're worried about likely low attendance.

00100001 · 19/07/2019 15:06

Unless the school are going to pay for it, i fail to see how they can make him go?... and even then, they can't make him :/