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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
CielBleuEtNuages · 19/07/2019 10:29

"Seriously OP ... for the sake of 20 minutes, you can't help out just this once? YABU."

OP has been "helping out" for 6 months

Although it would be nice of OP could answer if the mum has offered any petrol money or favours in return for that time. That would help know if it was just anoth favour going in one direction or if it's a case of friends helping it other out.

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 10:29

Stay over at Gran’s until when, Bertrand? Op comes back from holiday and picks him up? Use your logic, fgs

Time4change2018 · 19/07/2019 10:29

I'd hold firm on this as she is sounding very cheeky and almost a little entitled after your generosity this year so far. I'd say, happy to bring him but you'll either have to find another parents or granny will have to collect him or can sport / hobby orangiser help ? Your family holiday is important and she is being unfair adding emotional pressure to you.
Btw I've never known a taxi fair cost double on a Sunday.

luckylavender · 19/07/2019 10:30

I wouldn't take him. You've done your fair share and she needs to sort it out.

goodfornothinggnome · 19/07/2019 10:32

If you dont take the child, and his mum ends up taking him to the awards ceremony I'd see it as you were doing them a favour. It might be the only way the mum shows any interest in their hobby.

thecatsthecats · 19/07/2019 10:32

Seriously OP ... for the sake of 20 minutes, you can't help out just this once? YABU.

SIX MONTHS.

Sorry to shout, but you appear to have missed the fact that the OP has been helping out for SIX MONTHS.

40m each way every weekend. For six months, the mum has had the benefit of this favour. What does she do when it's not possible for the OP? Ramp up the pressure and manipulation rather than pull her finger out for the sake of her own child, ONCE.

If someone had been doing me such a massive favour, I wouldn't dream of pressuring them to continue it. My first thought would be 'ok, how do I sort it?'

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 10:34

Poor little bugger. Neither Mum nor Gran interested enough to have seen him do the activity even once, never mind attend the awards ceremony. He must feel so unsupported.

Omzlas · 19/07/2019 10:34

For the sake of the child, I'd agree to drop at his gran's house.

BUT. Make it very clear that the arrangement won't be continued and that you're only doing it for the child's sake. She's a CF of the highest order and she should be grateful for the last 6 months of free ferrying about, surely to god she's saved a packet on bus / taxi fares over 6 months!!

As PP have asked, how will her DC get home? Because if the gran drives, ignore what I said up there ^ !

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:34

“Stay over at Gran’s until when, Bertrand? Op comes back from holiday and picks him up? Use your logic, fgs“
Until Monday when there’s more public transport/it’s not dark so he can walk/when someone who works on Sunday can pick him up.........

ScruffGin · 19/07/2019 10:34

Difficult one...

I'd have 3 options

  1. ask her how the child is getting home from grandma's, I assume Grandma drives, therefore Grandma can pick the child up from the activity.

  2. guilt trip her by asking doesn't the child want his mum there for the awards? (Unfair, but she's guilt tripped you!)

  3. drop off at Grandma with no complaint, but then say going forwards, due to the lack of flexibility from her, you won't be doing it again, she'll have to find another option for the following term.

TwoPupsandaHamster · 19/07/2019 10:35

Is there a geunuine reason why the boys mother or grandmother are unable to attend the presentation day OP?

Stompythedinosaur · 19/07/2019 10:36

I think the mum is an absolutely cf.

I might take the child and then suggest a taxi to grans after.

I think I would probably stop taking them all together next term so you aren't guilt tripped again.

TheRedBarrows · 19/07/2019 10:37

Can’t his grandmother come and collect him from the event?

Have they no other relatives that driver?

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:37

“Is there a geunuine reason why the boys mother or grandmother are unable to attend the presentation day OP?“
Apart from not being able to get there?

HellYeah90s · 19/07/2019 10:38

Off topic but my dad is an ex taxi driver and he worked at a few different firms, and none charged double on Sunday.

Back to the point, I would take him, I couldn't bare to see a child miss out even if his parent is a CF.

GrouchoMrx · 19/07/2019 10:38

IMagine if someone did this to your child who had worked all summer towards a ceremony and them bern told he wasn’t able to go. For the sake of a 20 minute detour to his grans I think you are being mean

Imagine? No, I cannot imagine being such a Cheeky F'er to ask this of OP.

I would thank OP for all her help and pay the taxi fare myself. I would not inconvenience OP further by resorting to emotional blackmail.

Original poster
ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 10:38

Thanks for all your comments. I'm glad they are kind of split between ianbu and that it's not kind to refuse to give the lift - that's kind of how I'm feeling.

I have no idea how he's getting back from his grans house, I assume that either she drives, or his dad/other family can give him a lift back later in the day.

We definitely don't have space for her in the car (4 of us plus one extra DC = 5 spaces). Although I'm now worrying about how were actually going to fit him in with all our camping stuff crammed in the car as well on the way there (hadn't even considered that there might not be space for him with all our stuff!!!).

I don't think it's that she doesn't care and doesn't want to see him do the activity but we never have space for her in the car so she's never been able to go...

The whole giving lift thing has never bothered us - we're heading there anyway and one extra passenger makes no difference.

Taxis are expensive here, especially on a Sunday.

OP posts:
FossiPajuZeka · 19/07/2019 10:40

Yanbu - fine to take him if they can make other arrangements to collect him but you are not available to take him anywhere at all afterwards, even to Gran's.

They could arrange for Gran to come and meet him there surely?

If there's no transport option that works then so be it. The child has no business being "heartbroken" about it. Nobody is entitled to favours and if the parents haven't been impressing upon the child that he is lucky to have the access to the activity that he does, and that you have no obligation to him, then that's a shortfall in parenting.

Iltavilli · 19/07/2019 10:40

@BertrandRussell

You are repeating that they can’t get there. That’s not true, they’re choosing not to go. Taxis are available, but they’re expensive. They’re prioritising other things over this child; whilst expecting the OP to prioritise him over her own family.

thedevilcamefromthehimber · 19/07/2019 10:40

No taxi firms where I am charge more for a Sunday. Why do you think that OP?

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 10:40

Bertrand, you’ve suggested the boy can walk tomorrow when it’s not dark (despite the fact that it’s clearly not dark now!), why couldn’t Gran walk today? Ridiculous excuses why two grown adults have no interest in supporting a young boy.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 19/07/2019 10:40

I'd do it to the gran's - 20 minutes just means a slightly shorter pit stop for me later on but only if
a) I liked the child
b) my dc still liked the child
c) the mum was in dire straits as opposed to just tight
d) I had had some kind of thank you or reciprocity (finances/disability/extenuating circs not withstanding)
but with lifts - as soon as I start resenting them or feel taken for granted - that's usually a sign that an agreement should come to an end, you're not duty bound. If it really puts you out/inconveniences then that is fair enough - you are the one doing a favour after all.
Is there no-one else in the group that can step up - organisers could piut out a whatsapp/email request for her?

Gottalovesummer · 19/07/2019 10:40

If you can squeeze him in, take him, drop him to gran's after.

And tell his mum you can't do lifts next term.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:42

“That’s not true, they’re choosing not to go. Taxis are available, but they’re expensive.“

Says a person with spare money........

Coffeeonthesofa · 19/07/2019 10:42

@taylorowmu.

The taxi company operates out of several large cities in the UK and has a large number of contract customers often with companies with offices in different parts of the UK. Wherever in the UK these business people travel they phone the one number and it is all arranged for them. The taxi company has many working arrangements with local taxi firms and if they don’t have an existing agreement in for example West Yorkshire if a contract client needs a taxi there, they will phone round local firms to organise one.