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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 19/07/2019 10:42

@BertrandRussell are you the mother in this story? You seem very defensive on her behalf...

DonkeyHohtay · 19/07/2019 10:44

As a non-driver she had a cheek signing up the child for the club in the first place as she is wholly reliant on other people's generosity.

You don't drive, you can't do taxis, no buses - therefore child can't go. That's the choice she's made by being a non-driver.

Bet she's not paid a penny in petrol money either.

InsertFunnyUsername · 19/07/2019 10:44

The child has no business being "heartbroken" about it.

Ya big meany.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:44

I’m not the mother. I just think Mumsnet is often completely ridiculous on the subject of lifts.

And assumes that people have money for 20 minute taxi rides available at the drop of a hat.

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 10:44

Can you explain why people can walk to Gran’s tomorrow but not today, Bertrand? Your logic escapes me.

cstaff · 19/07/2019 10:45

OP you have been doing a really nice thing for this little boy all term. His mum should have been offering you petrol money or giving you occasional gifts for helping her out. Instead she is making you feel guilty for not being able to bring her child on one occasion and for a very valid reason. The lack of space in the car alone is enough of a reason.

In these circumstances I would be refusing, letting her know how pissed off you are and not doing it next term if that applies. She is sooo cheeky. Also send her an app for the local taxi firm. The cost shouldn't be a problem as she has been getting free taxis all term.

Gilbert1A · 19/07/2019 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iltavilli · 19/07/2019 10:46

@BertrandRussell it’s one special day, his according to the mother her child is “heartbroken” to miss. She has clearly been funding the activity for months so is clearly able to find some spare cash.
We’ve no idea of her financial position, the OP doesn’t mention, but you assume she can’t find it for this. Whilst for many many people it would be tight, lots of parents would prioritise this

EKGEMS · 19/07/2019 10:46

"And people have money for taxis" And kind people have money for taxiing children all over without compensation?!!!

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:47

Someone said how is he getting home from Grans on the Monday. One of my suggestions was possibly he could walk because it would be light. I don’t know. Just trying to combat the relentless mean spiritedness.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 19/07/2019 10:47

Tbh I’d say no. In the past I have done things like this because I’ve always told myself it’s only 20 minutes it’s nice to be nice but from experience it never ends up being just 20 minutes. Whatever the reason I don’t know if I enter a time slip or something but it just ends up adding on unnecessary time that costs me in the end.
I don’t even let my dc away with it now we go on a semi regular trip to visit family and leave on a Friday night after ds2 swimming lesson. To leave I have to drive by the end of my road so like two minutes extra to get to the house couple of minutes to get the older dc to get in the car but it never happens like that so now they all have to come to the pool so we can get straight off.

Stick to your guns she is making this your problem when it isn’t. Yes taxis are expensive but your time isn’t worthless either and you already do her a huge favour on a very regular basis it’s her problem to solve the times you can’t do this. I still try and help where I can but am much better at saying no now I’m situations like this one.

DonkeyHohtay · 19/07/2019 10:48

or the sake of 20 minutes, you can't help out just this once? YABU

It's not "just this once". It's every week for the past 6 months.

rookiemere · 19/07/2019 10:48

All those folk saying it's only 20 minutes, well we don't know how long the holiday drive is. OP says it's fairly long so I would hate to add an additional 20 minutes on if already driving for more than 2 hours.

I'd go back to the DM and say you're perfectly happy to take him there but you simply cannot take him home as you are heading straight on for your holidays. If you have the funds you could offer to lend the taxi fare.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 10:49

“And kind people have money for taxiing children all over without compensation”

Don’t be silly. It doesn’t cost anything to take one small boy somewhere you were going already!

Dieu · 19/07/2019 10:50

YANBU. It's the mum who needs to step up for her child in this position ... not you!

GrouchoMrx · 19/07/2019 10:50

A taxi may be expensive but she has been getting a free taxi for six months. If it means this much, she should pay it.

I really think she has been very unfair to put you under such pressure.

DarlingNikita · 19/07/2019 10:51

I'd do the 20 minutes and take him to his nan's. It's really not much time on top of your journey.

BrokenWing · 19/07/2019 10:52

I would not appreciate someone who I go out of my way all year for trying to guilt trip me to going more out of my way.

I would reply to her, "really sorry but we are on a tight schedule, the car is full of camping gear and there is simply no room, hope you manage to sort him getting there", if she continued to try to guilt trip me the reply would be much firmer.

If grans is much closer could he stay overnight there and gran can get him there by taxi/bus/a lift off someone else or whatever, actually scrub that, this is not your problem to solve.

HariboLectar · 19/07/2019 10:54

Double fair Sunday taxis and non existent bus service? Where on earth do you live?

In the same village as me based on that.

BrendasUmbrella · 19/07/2019 10:55

Its 20 minutes.Let the child stay overnight with his Gran and then walk to the ceremony.He can then walk back to his Grans.

20 minutes by car is quite a trek on foot...

BlokeHereInPeace · 19/07/2019 10:55

YABU in this case. Take the kid, and look at how happy to have made them. It's a nice thing to do and 20 mins and a bit of extra petrol won't kill you. Well done for doing a nice thing all year, you are a good person.

CassianAndor · 19/07/2019 10:56

Bettrand are you saying that someone who doesn’t drive shouldn’t factor in how she is planning to get her DC to and from an activity, and indeed pay for that transport, whatever it is, before booking in that activity? That it’s perfectly fine to book an activity not within walking distance on the basis that she can always scrounge a lift off someone else and save herself some money?

By not ever driving herself she has saved herself a ton of money. She can use some of that to fork out for a cab on this one occasion. And whilst she’s in the cab she can plan a contingency for next term.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 19/07/2019 10:57

YANBU

Both your children cannot be only ones doing this activity, why can't she ask another parent!

You gave plenty of notice, she can ask other friends, pay for a taxi, ask for one of the grand-mother's friends for help, who knows.

How would she manage if your child had decided to stop mid-year?
You have been very kind, it really isn't your problem.

Iggi999 · 19/07/2019 10:57

I would take him to the ceremony, for the boy's sake, but I wouldn't want to continue it next term.

BrendasUmbrella · 19/07/2019 10:58

Just tell her no, you've worked out you'll have too much stuff in the car. He still shouldn't have to miss it. I can't stand parents who think every problem with child rearing should be someone else's responsibility. You've been very kind. Now it's her turn to adult.

Maybe the organizers can put her in touch with another parent, or she can just suck up paying the 20 minute double time taxi fee once.

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