To be shocked that a mother would clean for a 21 year old student?

[jennymanara]

A colleague at work was moaning on Monday that they were tired as they had driven many miles to their son's shared house, and spent hours thoroughly cleaning it, so he would get his deposit back. I was shocked. Surely a 21 year old man should be doing his own cleaning?

When I left University my parents drove 400 miles (each way) to help me move to a new city and helped me clean my room to get my deposit back. I was 21. They’re my parents and love me and want to help me out, it doesn’t matter that I’m an adult. Plus they were better at cleaning fast and packing! I didn’t ask them to btw, they wanted to.

When I was 20 I became ill with flu (proper flu) and when they heard me on the phone they got in the car a few hours later and drove down to pick me up and take me home. Again, I was an adult but they wanted to help and look after me and I didn’t ask them to do this.

To me, they’re amazing parents. I know that, even though I now live 500 miles away and am married with children, if I called them for anything they would do their best to help. Mine are only little but when they’re adults I will do the same.

Have you even done an end of tenancy clean. My inlaws have always helped us and we in our 30s. Many hands make light work. In return we helped clean and remove their furniture across the road when they moved. They all house was carried across the road..took us three days. Its about helping family members. Yabvu.

I agree with you, OP. The high fees situation in this country has infantilised students by making economic dependence on parents last into the twenties. I teach those students, and it’s not pretty.

Mind you, I’m also taken aback by the posters on Mn whose mothers come and clean their houses for them on a weekly basis. ?

I used to travel the width of the country, literally coast to coast, to ensure my son's flat was end of tenancy clean. That was because I once turned up to collect him after being reassured that his flat was clean and then needing two hours to make sure it was! He has ASD and his version of clean is somewhat different to most people's! But even if it wasn't, I would still help out because I'm his mum! My eldest was rather more organised but, with the cost of deposits these days, it's not worth the risk, deep clean and photographs were the norm!

We have moved around a bit, lived in a few rentals and have always had the PIL to help. Makes life 10x easier.

We are in our 30s too, we do take the PIL for dinner to say thanks though.

But my mum helped me clean out my uni rentals too, I moved overseas two months before my tenancy agreement finished so my mum had to do my share of deep clean

I would hope that my child had better things to do than cleaning. There is enough time for the boring drudge of life. I would probably go halves on a cleaner with him. —or not—

I'm a cleaner and I'm currently working my way through student EOT cleans. Quite often people leave at different times and one poor sod can be left with a whole house to clean. If its really bad it will take 2 of us 10 man hours to sort it. The last tenant may well need help.

I've never helped my kids in this way. They can do it themselves. Isn't there another thread about young people lacking resilience?

So you’re “shocked” a parent helped her child. I mean it’s not the most shocking concept I’ve ever heard.

I lived in plenty of house shared with shitty landlords. We didn't even have protected deposits. I have done the incredibly thorough clean stuff. And no one I knew back then had a parent coming to clean for them

And fortunately there are way more protections for tenants now. I’m sorry you had such a shit time though, thank goodness things are now better for people who rent.

I'm 30 and my mum still cleans my house sometimes 😂

I've moved 3 times in 20 years and both my adult children have helped me each time, as I've helped them in return with their moves. Family. It's what families do as we care about one another.

@jennymanara why are you so invested in this? What difference does it make to you?
Find something else to spend your energy on 🙄

I have gone and cleaned for my daughter both before and after she had a baby. Today I'm going to clean for my son who was incredibly busy at work before he went on holiday so I want it sparkling for when he gets home. Dd sent me flowers, my ds will take me for dinner, it's just what parents do isn't it? They both appreciate it and neither take me for granted and most importantly when I was ill they came here cooked, cleaned and looked after their younger siblings when I couldn't.

You sound selfish. Who wouldn't want to help their child

My parents or in-laws have never cleaned for me and I won't for my kids including the ones still to grow up. It's not what all families do.

Why wouldnt you want to help your child???

"As a 21 year old living away from home, I wouldn't have been capable of cleaning to "return deposit" standards because it would have been the first time I'd ever lived away from home!!"

I was helping with the cooking, cleaning & laundry at home from age 10, also decorating and gardening
By my mid-teens, I was fully competent to do any of these - on my own - to a high standard

My late mum did her job in raising me to be able to look after myself and I'm very grateful
(dad died when I was small)

I moved out aged 18 as a fully functional adult and would have been embarassed to ask for help with cleaning, unless ill / injured.

Being a family is a team, and teamwork makes the dream work as they say. Yes I’d drive miles to help my kids out, they are still my children. My parents have done the same for me and I know how much I appreciated it so I’ll do the same for them.

Ah bigchoc it makes me sad that a child would feel embarrassed to ask family for help. I would never want my children to feel that way.

We drove from Brussels to UK to pick ds and his stuff up, and to get his house as clean as possible. Luckily, his l/l was happy for me to pay him directly for ds's share of the end of tenancy clean, and refunded me the whole deposit. However, I got on well with his l/l, so we weren't gouged.

My mum would have absolutely done this for me and I would do it for my children too when the time comes.

I was a grown up and independent at that age so l can see why you are querying it. If they are old enough to live away from home and get a degree. They are old enough to clean a property and move house. Way too many people baby their children

I agree with you, OP. The high fees situation in this country has infantilised students by making economic dependence on parents last into the twenties. I teach those students, and it’s not pretty.
^This. From the academic perspective, it's notable how much things have changed in the last five years, and how many students seem incapable of taking responsibility for anything. There was a time when they came to university equipped to do so, or at least learnt to do so along the way, but now there is this attitude that it's someone else's job to remove all the stress of life and study from you.

I'm with big choc. I've been a fully functioning adult since I left home. No way woukd I burden my mum with such requests because lets face it, it seems to be the mums not the dads cleaning.

A 21 year is fully able to clean their house.

But there’s nothing wrong in his mum helping out. More hands make lighter work.

Also, she probably transported his gear home at the same time,