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Original poster

To be shocked that a mother would clean for a 21 year old student?

362 replies

jennymanara · 19/07/2019 00:15

A colleague at work was moaning on Monday that they were tired as they had driven many miles to their son's shared house, and spent hours thoroughly cleaning it, so he would get his deposit back. I was shocked. Surely a 21 year old man should be doing his own cleaning?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/07/2019 02:43

I’d do it, if asked. It’s all about helping your loved ones. Totally agree that 21 year old cleaning may not be up to scratch. Mine wouldn’t have been.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/07/2019 02:50

It does depend, it could be she’s helping her son and they did it together or quite possibly he’s a lazy arse who sat in his phone the whole time and will be the sort of bloke we all hope our daughter/sons will never settle down with.

mathanxiety · 19/07/2019 03:10

I haven't had to do this so far as my DCs have lived in dorms.

But if circumstances were different I would do it without any hesitation because of the amount of money involved.

I would ask my DC and any housemates to move furniture out of the way, strip beds and wash bedding, and empty the fridge and cupboards before I arrived, as well as throwing out all rubbish, and to move furniture around as I cleaned.

Decormad38 · 19/07/2019 03:42

That was me about 2 weeks ago! DD cleaned too. Have you got a student for a child? I would have probably said the same thing about 10 years ago!

Neome · 19/07/2019 03:44

Would you have been less shocked, OP, if your work friend had said she was tired from doing overtime at work to earn the money to make up for the lost deposit ?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 19/07/2019 03:55

I helped mu daughter 1) because I love her and some of her other housemates were filthy and 2) it was my deposit.

Lizzielocket · 19/07/2019 04:16

I helped DD and her bf do their end of tenancy clean, it’s not a case of flicking a duster round, it’s full on clean out every cupboard, Mr Muscle the oven, wash down walls and clean the carpets job. They both work ridiculous hours, I don’t so I was more than happy to help. Family is family and I will always be there for my children in whatever capacity they may need me as my parents were and are for me. I thought this was normal.

sonjadog · 19/07/2019 04:20

My Mum still likes to help with cleaning when she comes to stay, and I am in my 40s. Of course I can clean my own house perfectly fine. She just wants to help.

MarieFromStTropez · 19/07/2019 04:20

Some people are just better at cleaning than others. It sounds like this was the case in this situation.

Monty27 · 19/07/2019 04:21

Your colleague probably and simply cares a great deal for him. No harm in that.

Snoozanna · 19/07/2019 04:35

My mother used to insist on doing this even though I didn't like her doing it (she has no concept of my personal space). She'd cry and have huge strops if ever I tried to stop her.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/07/2019 04:39

We've had help from pals /family.... It's not just cos its a deep clean but just logistics.... It's impossible to do when furniture is still in situ... So often dp and me are getting the furniture /possessions moved to new place. There's just not enough time once vans are packed (and frequently moving miles) to deep clean a house.

Lawnmowingsucks · 19/07/2019 05:13

Sure if you live round the corner. But would you really drive hours to help your mum clean her house at the end of a tenancy if she was fit and healthy?

Yes

Why wouldn't you help anyone do anything if they asked you and you cared about them?

You seem very judgy and not very kind - but perhaps you just don't like cleaning ?

ShanghaiDiva · 19/07/2019 05:26

I think it's reasonable to help for an end of tenancy clean. I am more surprised by the parents who visit their son in a hall of residence each week, clean his room, change his sheets, take away washing, bring back ironed clothes and leave their son with a week's worth of home cooked meals for the freezer. This happens in my ds's flat - he is at Warwick and the family travels from London each weekend.

I don't think this behaviour is helping their son in any way!

PinkFlowerFairy · 19/07/2019 05:48

Wow this is eye opening to me.

My family are shite and it makes me realise just how much I expect not to be helped. Once I was renting and a friend did help with the clean and i felt indebted to her and surprised she would help. Never would have asked parents though!

I want some family....

AJPTaylor · 19/07/2019 06:04

I did similar because the substantial student deposit was my money!

Lawnmowingsucks · 19/07/2019 06:07

@PinkFlowerFairy ThanksThanks hugs xxx

speakout · 19/07/2019 06:09

How old are your kids OP?

I would this too, my DD is in student accommodation and several of the parents ( including me) have dropped in and done a whirlwind clean.

Why not? Students are capable but parents are usually ten times faster and twice as efficient.
My DD gives up her tenancy soon I I will be there to help.
I have also helped friends and family members at the end of their tenancy or cleaning a place whan they move out.
Why wouldn't you help? It's what we do to help those we care about.

AuntieMarys · 19/07/2019 06:10

I didn't for either of mine OP.
And it wouldn't have occurred to my dcs to ask for help...They are quite capable of understanding in their 20s of what deep cleaning is. Same with their flatmates.

CarolDanvers · 19/07/2019 06:17

I wouldn't have expected it and my parents wouldn't have done it but they are very much of the once you hit 16 you are on your own ilk. I don't like them much these days. It was a real eye opener to see how much ex H family and siblings all help each other out. I will be the same as them for my children not how my parents were for me and I am glad I have learned that people do things differently.

Wolfff · 19/07/2019 06:18

DH and I helped our 20 year old. I paid the £300 deposit and wanted it back. To be fair all the parents were helping out. Shared flat in halls and everyone had to be out on the same day.

My elder DD is civilised enough to do her own and has responsible flat mates and a reasonable landlord.

TwistyTop · 19/07/2019 06:21

I haven't heard of people doing this. It certainly wasn't a thing when I was a student. Then again, I think they're getting stricter over giving deposits back. If said parent has a few hundred quid riding on it then I imagine they would be much more likely to help with the end of tenancy clean!

Coyoacan · 19/07/2019 06:22

If I were any good at cleaning I would have done that for my equally useless daughter.

wanderings · 19/07/2019 06:27

As a young adult I remember refusing an offer of such help from my parents, because I thought it was beneath me to have my parents helping me clean. Blush After all, I had lived on my own for almost a year, found the flat, arranged the utilities and everything, and managed perfectly well, and really valued my independence! But I knew nothing about deep cleaning that was expected, and was surprised that people would pay for contract cleaners.

Nearlyfriyay987654321 · 19/07/2019 06:29

I’d imagine there was a hefty deposit and she wanted her money back!
You’ve obviously not been to student houses before?! They are minging!!!

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