Not wanting DP to go out

[pillowtlki]

So I am fully expecting to be told IBU :( but please be kind I'm a very anxious person!

DP is a teacher and finishes school next week. He finishes at midday and I have been anxious about it. I'll try and be as clear as possible so will bullet point:

1. the morning after we go on holiday long haul to a honeymoon destination, takes 18 hours of travel.

2. when he went on a school night out before he threw up until 5pm the next day

3. he will be out with students. This always happens, his students are 16-18 and they always are in the same club because we live in a small town. This makes me uncomfortable and I think it's weird.

4. I've been struggling to trust him fully since he broke my trust a few months ago by lying to me/hiding something (not cheating)

So I've asked him to go to the pub/whatever he wants when they finish at midday but come home around dinner time. That's a good 6 hours of time.

I asked nicely explaining my anxiety and explaining how excited I am for our holiday (I've really needed it as been quite depressed and struggling lately). I thought he understood. Tonight he said no, he's going out for the whole day, doesn't care about me, my feelings and doesn't particularly care for our relationship (he says things like this in arguments all the time).

Am I being that unreasonable?

BTW he has been out clubbing, on holiday etc with friends since the incident that broke my trust and I never tried to stop him/get upset!

Oh come on! It's a totally different scenario and you know it!

Dd isn't screwing up long held plans she and bf made for the day after, isn't letting bf down in any way and isn't planning to DRINK DRIVE the following day!

She also didn't speak to bf in any way disrespectfully or dismissively of his feelings! But was clear and assertive while also being understanding of his insecurities.

But then I suspect you know you're being completely absurd!!

FFS, her DP hasn’t messed up long standing plans. The holiday hasn’t even happened yet. 🙄

I don’t think this relationship sounds healthy, and they’d both be happier with other people.

But he’s done nothing wrong. If my DP allowed me to go out and insisted I was home by dinner time I would laugh at the absurdity.

I asked a genuine question - is there any difference in an adult telling another adult how they must act/behave, regardless of gender?

If I’m “silly” and “absurd” I feel sorry for your partners 🙄 I’m about equality I’m afraid. Sometimes men are shits, sometimes women are shits.

Dysfunctional relationships occur when you stop treating your partner with respect

And talking of absurd, you’re now accusing him of planning to drink drive because he offered to drive if it would make OP more comfortable?

As in he offers a solution, she’s too anxious to accept because she assumes he means he plans to drink drive? It sounds like a ridiculously exhausting relationship on both sides.

Hello I am back! Today is D Day.

However things have taken an unexpected turn.

DP asked to talk again and said since it's obviously upset me he will not go in the evening. I was happy with this, talked through everything and felt better.

Then our dog became very ill overnight. So now, DP has gone to work knowing he needs to leave in the next hour (doesn't want to look like he's bunking last day of term to go on holiday) to go to the vet with me.

Depending on what the vet says will decide whether or not he goes to the pub later but bearing in mind it's 30 mins drive, I think it's not exactly fair when I'm missing out on doing things today! We shall see.

Right now just praying little doggy is okay and hoping that doesn't stop the holiday even happening!

Oh no, I know how worrying that is. Just before we went on holiday last year, our cat got under DH's feet when he was coming down the stairs, and she came off worse, with a broken leg, and shattered pelvis, so we didn't know if we'd be able to go away still. Luckily, she was kept at the vets, to recover after her operations, so we were able to go after all. (We were only away for a week.) But those days before, we had the worry about whether she would be ok, and not have to be put to sleep, plus worrying if we'd be able to get away for our much needed holiday.

I do hope doggy's feeling better soon, and it's nothing serious, and I hope you are able to go away.

How did it go OP? Hope you’re both on hols now and dog ok