To ask our lovely nanny not to have her boyfriend around during working hours?

[Ireallyneedtonamechangeforthis]

This is a really tricky one. We have a lovely nanny, who we and the girls absolutely adore. I really don't want to get this one wrong or be unreasonable, as it could damage our relationship, which I really value, and so please do tell me honestly if you think I ABU before I say or do something which might be unfair.

Our nanny has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few weeks but already it seems very serious and she is really happy, which is wonderful.

Today I can come from work and the new boyfriend had been here all morning with her and the DC, and had been with them while they went for a walk. I had previously said it was ok for him to come around and watch TV with her whilst she was babysitting this evening, but after the DC were asleep. It feels a little bit different while the DC are awake - I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc. She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, but inevitably, while there is another adult present, we all end up focusing on the conversation with the other adult, rather than on the DC's imaginary games, etc. We hadn't discussed this in advance. WIBU to ask that she doesn't bring him along during working hours while the DC are awake, and just keeps it to babysitting hours while they're asleep? I don't want to be mean. She is so loved up and happy, and it's so lovely to see her this way

This would really make me rethink as it’s so completely inappropriate. I’m afraid I would be wondering what else she does whilst I’m at work .

I’d be furious. You know nothing about her boyfriend and this is a massive safeguarding issue. I’d be looking for a new nanny, I’ve never heard anything so unprofessional and irresponsible.

Fire her.

I would not be happy with this at all!

No way. I would be giving her a warning and/or possibly reevaluating whether she was the right person for the job at all.

My concern would be that even if you say she is not allowed to see him during working hours, which is entirely fair enough, then she will go out with the children to meet him. I would have issues with trusting her after this.

You have no idea who this man is, in your home and around your children (and why isn't he working) This is entirely unacceptable.

Lovely or not, I would be reconsidering my options.

This random bloke shouldn't be near your children or in your home, I would be furious. What if they break up in a few weeks and then she brings a new one home?

Its not her place to being her boyfriend into your house while she's working, she's only been with him a few weeks so she doesn't know to much about him yet, and you dont know him at all, i'd sack her she's taking advantage

YANBU, he wouldn't be sitting at the end of her conveyor belt in Tesco, if she worked there.
No way would i allow strangers with my kids, but if you aren't there i suppose you couldn't stop it.
Are you at home/work now, if the latter unless you have said something that same stranger will be with your kids now.

I don't think she's being reasonable.
I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc
That's what you pay her for. Don't be a doormat.

You are so laid back,i would be hopping mad.Your kids should be her priority not some random bloke.

I think you need to have a chat and lay some rules down.

Is this for real? It can't be? I can't believe someone would not be fuming at this. Perhaps anyone looking after your kids is better than nobody. I think convenience outweighs safety, with some.

Do you take your husband/partner to work with you?

She's neither professional nor trustworthy.

When he is there she is going to be focussed on him not her. Definitely not acceptable to bring your partner to work!

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/

She’s not professional or trustworthy and shows a worrying lack of good judgement.

This is bad. I would be having a very clear word with her about this and from now on no BF around whilst working. You know nothing about him, he could be anyone.

Not acceptable, surely she would know that there would be a conflict with safeguarding due to her training? I'd be a bit worried that I didn't know him.
She should not be mixing her professional and private life. I do understand as I employ temporary staff to work at locations on stalls and sometimes as they work independently the staff would try to involve friends, (mix their social life with work)-I had to clamp down on it, you have to have a professional relationship.

Totally unprofessional, she has brought a stranger into your home and near your kids. She is there to work, not socialise.

This has to be a reverse of some kind because I cannot believe you are having to ask about this.

I would be absolutely apoplectic.

She is meant to be working and looking after your kids but has brought a STRANGER into your house to spend time with him when she should be watching the kids? What the actual fuck?

Even if you remove the nanny from the equation and you were saying you'd brought your boyfriend that you'd only known for a few weeks home to meet the kids i'd be telling you you were insane.
This is absolutely unacceptable and uprofessional on every level.

PS I know you obviously really like her but actually if someone betrayed my trust like this and exhibited such poor judgment around the safety of my kids, there's no way I could continue to employ them.

She sounds very unprofessional. Yanbu to fire her for this, nevermind just ask her not to do it again!

how old is she? Appalling. I'd probably fire her.

I also think this is highly unprofessional. Surely your nanny will have been told in her training introducing unknown, unchecked people into the household is a total no no. She doesn’t even know this man. I’m sure Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville could be nice and charming. I also don’t understand the comparison with taking a partner to the office. It’s far worse as there are vulnerable children. More compare it to having a partner attending in a nursery setting or a care home.

A unanimous YADNBU ...
I can’t imagine why on earth she thinks it at all appropriate to have a boyfriend around when she is working. I am amazed she even wants him there, surely it is stressful trying to work with a boyfriend in tow?
I would be concerned that he has pressured her to be there, which long with the “serious after only a few weeks” aspect, would be ringing alarm bells about him.
You need to say no to this. In no other sphere of employment would an employee take her boyfriend along !
How old is she ?

"She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, "

Except for this lapse.

Which was neither trustworthy nor professional.

I think convenience outweighs safety, with some.

I'm thinking the same thing.