To ask our lovely nanny not to have her boyfriend around during working hours?

[Ireallyneedtonamechangeforthis]

This is a really tricky one. We have a lovely nanny, who we and the girls absolutely adore. I really don't want to get this one wrong or be unreasonable, as it could damage our relationship, which I really value, and so please do tell me honestly if you think I ABU before I say or do something which might be unfair.

Our nanny has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few weeks but already it seems very serious and she is really happy, which is wonderful.

Today I can come from work and the new boyfriend had been here all morning with her and the DC, and had been with them while they went for a walk. I had previously said it was ok for him to come around and watch TV with her whilst she was babysitting this evening, but after the DC were asleep. It feels a little bit different while the DC are awake - I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc. She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, but inevitably, while there is another adult present, we all end up focusing on the conversation with the other adult, rather than on the DC's imaginary games, etc. We hadn't discussed this in advance. WIBU to ask that she doesn't bring him along during working hours while the DC are awake, and just keeps it to babysitting hours while they're asleep? I don't want to be mean. She is so loved up and happy, and it's so lovely to see her this way

Well in a desk job your new boyfriend of a few weeks is unlikely to have access to young children.
The op doesn’t know this man at all NOR DOES HER NANNY . A few weeks is a casual friendship at best, you know nothing of someone in that time, all you know is what they want to show you.

How can you ever be sure he hasn’t taken photos if your kids? How old are they?
To just rock up and hang out at a strangers house like this is a total disregard for your boundaries and total lack of respect for you.
This thread has been on my mind- you need to get rid of her, she is totally unaware and putting your children at risk.
He is creepy the more i think about it- just who would do this, except for person with certain intentions.

I am curious if anyone will answer what is likely to happen to the kids if bf is around when they are awake as opposed to when they are asleep?

Grooming.

Your nanny shouldn’t be bringing her boyfriend into your home to meet your children, I agree with that

You are completely minimising and downplaying this fundamental point, livsmommy.

Your families meeting your established partner and wider family is completely different.

That's not professional at all
Also: this man that you know n o t h i n g about, is in your house. With your kids.

Hell no.

Totally unreasonable during her working hours. I wouldn't be that keen when she's babysitting either as she's still being paid to do a job. You need to have a firm word with her about her professionalism.

But also remember a 'lovely' nanny is a precious thing!

She must be fucking gold-plated because it seems that she can do anything at all she wants! Any friends, any time, and if she is questioned she has every right to be offended because she is within her rights to have her mates round when she is working. In the OP's home. All she has to do is ask politely, and then if anyone says no to her, they are suspicious, over-reacting, hysterical etc

it’s totally different to taking your boyfriend into your office if you have a 9-5 desk job, it’s not really comparable! well you are right there. Taking another adult into an office is certainly not the same as having a stranger sat on your sofa with your kids.

He is creepy the more i think about it- just who would do this, except for person with certain intentions.

What a ridiculous and awful thing to say and think. My ex boyfriends would spend time with my charges. They still speak today years later now the kids are adults. There are some men that aren't child molesters.

OP hasn't even come back has she? Yet everyone's tying themselves in knots about it!

@HennyPennyHorror she did come back.

Everyone getting very irate about the nanny bringing the bf over when the OP had not met him first.... she had already granted permission for this.

@SnakesAndStones no she hadn’t!

This is a sackable offence. She brought a man she barely knows into your home which is unacceptable in its own right but even worse when your DC were there. He should not be around your DC at all, when they are awake, asleep, anytime. You don't know him, she doesn't know him. He could be a risk to your DC. I think you are really minimising this which is very worrying. This should be a huge red flag to you. Fire her.

This is such a huge lack of judgement on the part of your nanny.

I am absolutely not a paedophile hunter, I know many men who are wonderful with kids and feel they have to be careful when interacting with other people’s children when out and about.

However. I grew up with a family where the babysitter would bring her boyfriend along and the absolute worst happened. I’m sure she thought that he was a perfectly lovely man just as your nanny does.

I wouldn't be comfortable having the nannies boyfriend around my kids during working hours. If she had an office job or something she wouldn't be permitted to have her boyfriend turn up and spend time with her at her workplace. I'd politely ask her to discontinue seeing him during working hours.

The OP updated yesterday afternoon:

Thanks very much for your comments. It will absolutely not be happening again, whether the children are awake or asleep.

She doesn't need to come back.

I'd wonder why he's not working? How many adults can hang around someone else's workplace during the day?

I agree he shouldn't be there while she's working.

I also don't think it's an overreaction to fire her or at least give her a final warning, mainly because of the complete lack of judgement.

Aside from her being at work (hint: she's meant to be working), she should not be inviting guests into your home for hours without you knowing.

Boyfriend, best friend, doesn't matter.

The lack of self awareness and good judgement would be the problem for me.

It's highly unlikely your kids were in any danger but that's not the point really.

I nannied for a family for 3 years. I’d been working there 6 months when my boyfriend came to pick me up one evening. Employer invited him in for a chat and the boys (3 of them) loved him from the get go. They kept begging to see him again (he’s v good with kids) and eventually my employer asked if I’d mind at all inviting him round again! He used to pop over when he had afternoons off, we’d take them on days out and we’ve even had them for the weekend. My employers were perfectly happy with the situation as they wanted the boys to have a great male role model and they really liked my partner. I no longer work for them but my partner and I still see the kids regularly and take them out and are very much considered part of the family.
It was extremely inappropriate that your nanny didn’t ask and it’s that element that’s disrespectful. I do find it odd that any man who likes children is apparently a weirdo 🙄

Nobody has suggested that any man who like children is a weirdo
I hate it when people do this, it’s so pointlessly stupid .

Most of the posts on this thread have clearly gone straight over your head, Asthenia, if that’s what you took out of it.