To ask our lovely nanny not to have her boyfriend around during working hours?

[Ireallyneedtonamechangeforthis]

This is a really tricky one. We have a lovely nanny, who we and the girls absolutely adore. I really don't want to get this one wrong or be unreasonable, as it could damage our relationship, which I really value, and so please do tell me honestly if you think I ABU before I say or do something which might be unfair.

Our nanny has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few weeks but already it seems very serious and she is really happy, which is wonderful.

Today I can come from work and the new boyfriend had been here all morning with her and the DC, and had been with them while they went for a walk. I had previously said it was ok for him to come around and watch TV with her whilst she was babysitting this evening, but after the DC were asleep. It feels a little bit different while the DC are awake - I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc. She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, but inevitably, while there is another adult present, we all end up focusing on the conversation with the other adult, rather than on the DC's imaginary games, etc. We hadn't discussed this in advance. WIBU to ask that she doesn't bring him along during working hours while the DC are awake, and just keeps it to babysitting hours while they're asleep? I don't want to be mean. She is so loved up and happy, and it's so lovely to see her this way

I agree with the others. I would be upset she let somebody (boyfriend or friend) come along while she was looking after my children. Very unprofessional. I'd be looking for a new nanny!

I’d see that as a fundamental fuckup, actually. She’d have been history as soon as I found out.

She is being very unreasonable. I'm surprised you are so relaxed about this!

No, I hadn't met him before I arrived home today. He seemed perfectly pleasant, but I was obviously very surprised to see him.

Yanbu. She doesn't sound that wonderful to me, more unprofessional.

Having previously worked as a nanny, I can tell you now this is not on. If I ever had to have my husband pick me up whilst at work, he would park up the road and wait for me, even if I was late finishing - neither of us would have thought it appropriate for him to come in and wait!

If you have a contract through an agency, it should state that only pre-approved visitors are allowed in the home whilst the children are under her care, so she has broken the contract if you have one.

There are so many things wrong with this!

I'd have concerns about him having contact with your children. I'd have concerns about her being able to have her full attention on the children when he's there. And I'd be very concerned that she thinks it's remotely appropriate to have her new boyfriend around the children she's responsible for.

YANBU!

Yanbu. Ask her kindly and mention he'd need a DBS check/you have no idea of his background etc. If she's as good as you say she is, I'm sure she'll understand. Perhaps she's just a bit naive?

Our nanny wouldn't even suggest this as it is so inappropriate and unprofessional.

I would really question her judgement in even considering this. She has only known him a few weeks, why are you even allowing this?? In her role of keeping your children safe, her primary responsibility, she herself should consider this thoroughly out of order.

These are your children, get brave and deal with the situation properly. He shouldn't be anywhere near your children or in your home. She's known him a few weeks and she is at work!

He’s seems perfectly pleasant? Well he might be and probably is but you don’t know that for certain OP. Personally I would tell her that he’s not to see her when she’s at work.

This is really unprofessional. Is she an experienced nanny, because this doesn't make it seem like she is.

FFS, I would FIRE her for this. Her lack of sense is shocking and so is your complacency. Your "lovely" nanny is an idiot.

Is she very young? Is this her first proper job?

I'm guessing he hasn't been background checked. I wouldn't want.hkm around my children. I'm not one to see paedophiles everywhere but I'd be incredibly wary that hes dating a nanny and has access to children in her care

Why are you so thrilled to see her “so loved up and happy”? On your tab, with your children, in your home?

We have nannies and I totally get not wanting to spoil the relationship.
However - this is totally unreasonable of her, and if you let it go then you risk going down a slippery slope.

She works for you. It’s fine for you to tell her she can’t bring her new boyfriend along!

Not ok at all. Unprofessional

I thought you were fojnf to say together months or years. Weeks? Ffs.

I would also sack her. Why is she bringing a strange man into your home AND around your DC???

She doesn't sound very professional. She shouldn't be bringing randomers around your DC when she's supposed to be at work.

Is this a reverse?

YANBU. He wouldn’t be able to sit with her if she worked in an office or a shop etc. She needs to be more professional.

I am with the YANBU...you wouldn't take your new boyfriend into work in an office job would you . It is very unprofessional and would make me question where her current focus lies.

YANBU. It’s not like in any other job we can take our new boyfriend/girlfriend along and get away with it. She’s only known him for a few weeks, you don’t know him at all, none of you know his background really. He could be anyone, you just can’t take that risk with your DC.

I actually think you’re being far too lenient. She’s supposed to be working, not on a date.

YANBU at all, in fact I think you're under estimating it.

This is awful. She is AT WORK. Would you have your husband come and hang around your office while you're at work? No. There's your answer. He is not to come in the house or spend time with your nanny when she is looking after your children.