To ask our lovely nanny not to have her boyfriend around during working hours?

[Ireallyneedtonamechangeforthis]

This is a really tricky one. We have a lovely nanny, who we and the girls absolutely adore. I really don't want to get this one wrong or be unreasonable, as it could damage our relationship, which I really value, and so please do tell me honestly if you think I ABU before I say or do something which might be unfair.

Our nanny has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few weeks but already it seems very serious and she is really happy, which is wonderful.

Today I can come from work and the new boyfriend had been here all morning with her and the DC, and had been with them while they went for a walk. I had previously said it was ok for him to come around and watch TV with her whilst she was babysitting this evening, but after the DC were asleep. It feels a little bit different while the DC are awake - I'd prefer her to be focussed on what they want to do, play, etc. She is incredibly professional and trustworthy, but inevitably, while there is another adult present, we all end up focusing on the conversation with the other adult, rather than on the DC's imaginary games, etc. We hadn't discussed this in advance. WIBU to ask that she doesn't bring him along during working hours while the DC are awake, and just keeps it to babysitting hours while they're asleep? I don't want to be mean. She is so loved up and happy, and it's so lovely to see her this way

I have people working in my home and there’s no way a staff members boyfriend/girlfriend would be allowed into the family home unless the relationship is well established and they’d had a police check done.

To be frank I think you have you’re priorities all wrong.

" She is incredibly professional and trustworthy,"

She's not though is she?

She invited a stranger into your house.

I honestly can’t believe you’re so relaxed about this.

Nor do I believe your nanny is that lovely! My nanny is sent from heaven and never ever would she EVER do this.

Bringing around a new boyfriend that even she hardly knows and spend the day with my children. Appalling!!

How enormously unprofessional of her!! I don't know what made her think this was alright. Is she very young?

What happens if she takes one of the children to the toilet, is she leaving the other/s alone with this man? If I were you I'd be far more upset than you actually seem to be!!

Yanbu

As others have said - this is really unprofessional. My ex’s nanny used to sometimes take her boyfriend on days out with the kids, but they had been living together for 6 years, he was a teacher (so DBS checked) and she worked incredibly long hours sometimes (like a week sole care while they were our the country) What is really important though, is that she always checked it was okay ahead of time - would she have told you boyfriend was there if you hadn’t come home and seen him there?

She’s not professional at all, is she. And he’s out of his mind too, no sane man would put himself in this positionz

Errr no. You don't know him from Adam. I'd personally not have him in the house really if you're not around. Sorry, unless I'm missing something isn't that just common sense?

YANBU

You have no idea who he is, or what his interest is in handing around with your children.

He may just want to be with his gf, but she is at work or things could be more sinister.

Is this a reverse

Its Definitely something. 🙄

I would be very unhappy if my nanny had invited a friend, let alone a boyfriend, without asking me first! I would expect a polite request, even if it's her own mum.

You did allow him to come in the evening, so she seems to think it was ok - that would be the only thing that makes it less negative.

I don't know why people are so obsessed by DBS check - the only thing they show is if someone has already been caught or not. A clean check would only make me feel marginally safer.

YANBU. Its a safeguarding issue. A couple of weeks, so neither you (nor she really) know him.

I wouldn’t be allowing him there at all.
These are yr. children .she is working .
Big fat no all round from me

Yanbu HOWEVER I think you have muddied the waters by saying he can come over when she's babysitting, I think you haven't put in clear enough boundaries

Personally I would say a total no to him being there.

It’s something, alright. I’m not allowed to say what.

That's massively unprofessional and disrespectful. You need to have a proper discussion with her about this and a verbal warning.

He could be anyone! She won't be paying attention to the kids and god knows they could get up to in your bedroom.

Clear boundaries; he's only welcome after the kids go to bed or she's off duty.

Agree with pp this is very unprofessional of your nanny, especially as she didn’t ask for your consent in advance for the bf to be there alongside your dc during the day.

She must have noticed you were surprised. Nip this in the bud today OP!

It's not remotely professional behaviour - can you imagine going to visit yourr GP and they have their boyfriend sitting in on the consultation ?

She's taking advantage of your good nature, to the detriment of your children. What is best for your children is the only consideration here (and having an unchecked stranger in the house, being loved up with their Nanny is clearly not in their interest).

Nanny can see her BF on her nights and days off. I think you were being very accomodating letting her have him over when the children are asleep, but can see why you might want to make that concession as a gesture of goodwill.

She is incredibly professional and trustworthy

No she isn't. She is not being professional in the least having her boyfriend in your home with your children while she is being paid to do a job. She introduced a man she hardly knows to your children. I'd be seriously concerned about her judgement - and yours.

The fact that she thinks this is acceptable would make me very wary of trusting her judgment with other things.
It’s not on and I wouldn’t be pussy footing around telling her so

You sound quite easy going TBH.I think this is out of order: A) not checked out B) taking Nannys attention away from children .Most people however loved up they are, do not take their partner to work FFS!.Just explain she is welcome for him to come over evenings. but during working hours just her and DC!

I’d reevaluate your view of her slightly. She’s clearly capable of making poorly judged decisions. Might be worth setting some better boundaries for her as you can’t rely on her judgement at the moment.

Why are you calling her trustworthy, op? On what basis, exactly?

No she shouldn't be seeing her boyfriend during working hours. He hasn't been crb checked either. He could be a potential danger for all you know. Explain that she can see him at night time when the children are asleep. But not while she's working during the day.

This is a serious breach of safety. She barely knows him and he should not be around your children. She also needs to ask permission. If she didnt mention that he was coming over I would seriously be thinking that this is either a sackable offence or maybe a warning. She isn't professional.