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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

471 replies

loudnoises1 · 17/07/2019 17:43

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

OP posts:
Crazyunicornlady · 19/07/2019 08:11

Did she skip a feed to give the water or did baby have both during that time? There’s some information missing here and people jumping to conclusions.

Also your baby needs to see a specialist if water upsets her that badly.

Attitude84 · 19/07/2019 08:54

They change the rules for babies every six months. I gave my two water on hot days, your baby will be fine.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 09:01

“They change the rules for babies every six months.”

@Attitude84 - which rules in particular?

HoustonBess · 19/07/2019 09:08

I'd let this go but next time be very specific, like I know x was the practice before, now the advice is y so please only do y.

Make it about official guidance not your own opinion.

clarissa469 · 19/07/2019 09:32

Everyone is different, some mums give water some don’t! Each to there own, I did as my baby was born in the summer, but I literally drip fed it by using a calpol syringe every now and again. Besides the point, do not let your MIL undermine your authority as a parent, once you let them it’s very difficult to regain it. Have a chat with her and say I appreciate your concern but can you ask me in future, I know what’s best for MY baby.

Jellybeansincognito · 19/07/2019 10:02

clarissa469 So you’d be annoyed then if someone gave your baby 6oz of water in one go?

Jellybeansincognito · 19/07/2019 10:03

I don’t understand the oh I gave my baby water comments- yeah, you probably gave an ounce or so on an extremely hot day.

Not 6oz of it in one go, which would more than likely replace a feed.

They’re not comparable.

clarissa469 · 19/07/2019 10:21

Yes if my baby was newborn, and it was my decision that they didn’t have water I would be annoyed, but that isn’t the case for me luckily.

MaisieDaisy1 · 19/07/2019 10:56

Really interesting to read these posts. My son is 20 so it’s a long time since I was caring for a tiny baby. I think it’s so important to clarify with the baby’s mum exactly what their instructions are. I think you should also remember that she will have been caring for the baby in the way she knew, ie a generation ago with all the advice that was given at that time. Don’t be annoyed with her. She was doing what she thought best. Giving a baby cool boiled water on a hot day sounds reasonable to me, but I’m not up to date with current advice. Thankfully I don’t need to know yet!!

di2004 · 19/07/2019 11:07

Maybe MIL didn’t get the baby’s dress code right for hot weather, but you are making a bit of a drama out of this as it was water.

I actually applaud her for giving baby the water to drink, it was probably quite refreshing!

She’s only doing her best to help so don’t be hard on her x

NaturalBornWoman · 19/07/2019 11:47

Not 6oz of it in one go, which would more than likely replace a feed

No it wouldn't. It might temporarily stave off hunger. Actually I think it's unlikely that a baby of that age would take 6oz of water. Anyway, the very sad cases linked are not due to one drink of water. Healthy babies are not dying from a drink of water. Furthermore the guidance will usually be framed to cover the people who are least able to make sensible decisions and use common sense.

I would restrict contact unless you're there. ... and tell her why.

Why wouldn't you just share the information you have and explain that you want to stick to it?

Steaktartar · 19/07/2019 11:53

Not at all. You know your baby and she knew she wasn't suppose to do that. I'd be annoyed too

Jellybeansincognito · 19/07/2019 12:05

@MaisieDaisy1 would 6oz of water in one go have been ok back in the day?

anon812 · 19/07/2019 12:15

She's prob doing what she thought was the right thing but given that you had said no before it's not great behaviour on her side. I would mention it to her, say thank you very much for looking after your baby but it would be appreciated if she could take into account instructions you give her regarding things that irritate your baby, as you specifically asked her not to give her water and she did. If she is ever in doubt, you will always have your phone on you and a quick text/call could avoid a frustrating situation.

MaisieDaisy1 · 19/07/2019 12:47

Jellybeansincognito I don’t know whether I would have given 6oz in one go. I can’t remember in detail what I did 20 years ago. I think there’s no wonder mums are confused and frightened to death of doing the wrong thing when the official advice changes so often. There was also no social media back then so you weren’t judged by strangers. I think you have to go off what mums instructions are whether you agree or not.

TwoPupsandaHamster · 19/07/2019 12:52

Would a 3 month old baby, who has never had a drink of water before, even drink one oz? I very much doubt it! Babies who are offered water for the very first time usually screw their face up, spit it out and resume crying.

I have great difficulty believing that a 3 month old drunk 6ozs of water (or formula) in one go.

If it strengthens OP's case that her MIL is incompetent, has no idea of caring for a baby, toddler, child, teenager, whatever.... go for it.

It's a bloody miracle that so many babies have grown up, unscathed.

Imagine a world when babies were left with grandparents every day - or even occasionally, and there was no mobile phones to check in with the child's mother every 5 minutes. I wonder how that worked? Oh yes! Parents left their children with grandparents and allowed them to care for the child in the same way as they cared for their own, using their own experience and common sense.

A 3 month old drunk 6ozs of water in one go? Absolute fabrication!

I wonder what the MIL's account of this "event" would be?

NaturalBornWoman · 19/07/2019 12:55

would 6oz of water in one go have been ok back in the day?

My kids were born in the 80s and I think 6oz is a lot. I think I'd have assumed the baby was hungry if he seemed that keen, but also that at 13 weeks it's unlikely they'd accept that much plain water. I would have maybe given a little cooled boiled water for constipation.

There were herbal teas for babies, I seem to remember a Milupa fennel one which I'm pretty sure was supposed to help with colic, so aimed at quite young babies. My in laws were Austrian and used to comment that I didn't give the babies tea which they were all very keen on, but my mother who would be 87 now was very clear that breast milk is all a baby needs, even in hot weather, and despite the fact that some people of her generation used to put rusks and all sorts into their baby's bottles.

I still think that there's a lot of unnecessary hype on this thread and the guidance I have read as a result of reading the responses is mainly aimed at discouraging the dilution of feeds.

Lightsong · 19/07/2019 13:10

I would be a bit annoyed too if my MIL had gone ahead and done something that we had already talked about, but I would maybe just explain to her the reasons why too much water can be dangerous. It sounds like she really thought that baby needed water and thought she was doing the right thing. I don't think she was deliberately trying to undermine you.

I EBF both of my children, and with my second my MIL was beyond horrified that I never gave him any water until weaning at 6m. We took both DC to Greece in Aug when youngest was 4 months old and MIL was really upset that I hadn't given him water at all, even telling DH that it was risking DC life! MIL had FF her kids and couldn't get her head around the fact that water isnt needed when BF

diddl · 19/07/2019 13:13

"If it strengthens OP's case that her MIL is incompetent,"

Well she did have her GD in a vest, sleepsuit & blanket on a very hot day, so...

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 13:17

I didn’t bottle feed mine, so the question of water didn’t come up til they were older, but when it did the effort involved in persuading them to take a spoonful of water was monumental!

NaturalBornWoman · 19/07/2019 13:36

Exactly Bertrand, it's not particularly tasty is it, definitely not 6oz tasty!

cardamoncoffee · 19/07/2019 15:00

There were herbal teas for babies

This seems to be common in Europe, when on holiday I always see them next to formula milk. As I said up thread in my culture it is seen as a norm to give a bottle of some sort of herb daily, but I'm quite sure HCPs here would have something to say about that Grin

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 19/07/2019 17:27

Mother in-laws sadly never seem to check with their daughter in laws first of all whether it's ok to do something ... I find that my own mother is more courteous and will ask whereas mother in law just dives in and doesn't give a shit. I would always want my baby to be looked after by my own mum due to this as I know she is more respectful of my parenting and will check if something is ok

LoseLooseLucy · 19/07/2019 17:34

My MIL cut my 18 month old daughter's fringe to the nub when her dad visited her one Saturday. I wanted to cry when I saw her but didn't slag her off to her son for it, definitely no suggestion of going NC.

LaurenSarah22 · 19/07/2019 17:42

I would be furious!! Did she even boil the water and let it cool down like your supposed to ???

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