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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

471 replies

loudnoises1 · 17/07/2019 17:43

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

OP posts:
ThistleTits · 18/07/2019 18:52

6oz is an awful lot. I think you need to be very clear on what the baby is and is not allowed.

TurquoiseDress · 18/07/2019 18:57

@Rainonmyguitar

Indeed! Me too Grin

Rachel1874 · 18/07/2019 19:04

Definitely right to be annoyed. You have specifically told her before no water. She may have thought she was helping but that's no excuse to go over your head.

Losher92 · 18/07/2019 19:06

Tbh I would be annoyed as well. My doctor advised only giving my son 1 oz of cooled boiled water as although the NHS website advises giving water to bottle fed babies in warmer weather they are not supposed to have it as it has no nutritional value and too much can lead to water intoxication. If you specifically said no then YANBU, I would be the same. You know your baby and what is best.

Lou12124 · 18/07/2019 19:15

I think it is a bit over the top to be so stressed about baby being given some water...especially in this weather! And it does actually help with a bad tummy so that maybe why she had the explosion to get it all out!

But I do agree that its not right that MIL gave it to her when you asked her not to. I'd be more concerned about the amount she gave and how she wrapped her up!

May be worth just having a conversation with her. I did with my MIL with my babies and just said I know we were all brought up fine but there is research that proves certain things should/shouldn't be done now days. So if we both keep to the same routine the babies will be happier when they are here.

MIL still gives advice and sometimes it is actually better advice than what the young HVs advice now! So dont be too harsh on MIL. She just wants what's best for your baby/her grandchild. Just be straight with her though. Set the boundaries and if those boundaries arent kept to then you can be p***. The water though I honestly think is fine...just not 6oz! Coz that will fill baby up!

GabsAlot · 18/07/2019 19:20

She was asked not to previously Lou

Bufferingkisses · 18/07/2019 19:28

Is your baby breastfed? Because it reads to me that she's not?

LouH1981 · 18/07/2019 19:31

The fact is she was in a position of trust and she after already raising the issue with you, she has ignored your wishes.
I understand that practices are different now and I had to explain to my mum what I was taught by my midwife and on the NCT course that the first part of breast is mostly water based and therefore hydrates and the last bit is all the nutritious fatty parts. My mum couldn’t believe it but nevertheless respected my wishes. YANBU - I would struggle to trust her now because what else will she ignore? Best intentions or not, I would be upset too x

jellyjellabi · 18/07/2019 19:35

YABU your child must have been thirsty or I doubt she would have taken 6oz of water in the first place. However if your mil had formula feed available she should have tried this first. It would have been better if she could have asked you first about the water as you had already asked her not to. Better a hydrated baby than a dehydrated one on a hot day though so I would let it go this time

Carriecakes80 · 18/07/2019 19:37

Is this real Confused ? ---> 'What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow'

What the actual F??? Seriously??? Its not like she fed your kid a McFlurry! A little water for bottle fed babes is good, and can be a lot less dangerous than dehydration which can kill!

AppropriateAdult · 18/07/2019 19:42

There's nothing to actually suggest the baby was at risk of becoming dehydrated, is there? She wasn't refusing feeds, vomiting or having diarrhoea. Healthy babies don't suddenly become dehydrated just because it's a warm day.

Jellybeansincognito · 18/07/2019 19:56

Rainonmyguitar What’s so gemmy about it? Ops mil did risk the child’s life. Overheating kills and we’ve explained how excessive water intake can also kill. It’s not a joke.

saraclara · 18/07/2019 20:00

@AppropriateAdult, do you never get thirsty on a hot day? or does that only happen when you're medically dehydrated and close to vomiting?

Rainonmyguitar · 18/07/2019 20:07

Rainonmyguitar What’s so gemmy about it? Ops mil did risk the child’s life. Overheating kills and we’ve explained how excessive water intake can also kill. It’s not a joke

Give it a rest will you? You're actually verging on hysteria. Even the OP isn't arsed any more.

manicmij · 18/07/2019 20:08

As it was hot perhaps you could gave left a bottle of cooled boiled water with appropriate amount for MIL to give. Am I correct in reading even water upsets your DCs stomach. How do the professionals advise she can be hydrated as feeding formula all the time surely isnt good for her. Doesnt't seem like MIl was trying to be anything other than helpful but 6oz if all in one go, how did DD drink it?

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/07/2019 20:17

i think mil meant well

it was hot. baby overdressed for weather

i rec a little 30ml/oz cooled boiled water for ff babies if hot - im a maternity practitioner

but 6oz at once is too much plus baby should have been undressed to vest

TigerTooth · 18/07/2019 20:55

TheDandyHighwayman

What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow

Wow! Extreme much? What’s rattled your cage? It was water not vodka ffs!

Op - she shouldn’t have given her so much water all at once, If she did, esp when you’ve told her not to but she’s just doing what she was taught - it has been very hot. Maybe the 6oz was spread out over the day.
It’s only water and I presume that the childcare was free and delivered with love? Let it go.

MamanetNanna · 18/07/2019 21:22

Oh dear, I'm sure she was just doing 'what comes naturally', by giving the baby water, even if it seems rather a lot (!). When I was a young mum, I always resented advice from my MIL, not sure why (my own insecurities maybe?) - so why not just give her a break and try not t be too judgemental? She meant well, after all, and there's no harm done.

skyblu · 18/07/2019 21:37

YABU.
She gave the baby water on a hot day.
You need to calm down.
She’s obviously trying her best. What sort of person would she or anyone be, to deny a tiny baby some water on a hot day, if baby is unhappy and she’s tried everything else.

Imawomanontheedge · 18/07/2019 21:41

Back in the day if a baby was formula fed then giving them a drink of cooled boiled water , to quench a thirst, was ok . I’m not sure what the guidelines are now but 6oz of water is far too much .

Catsinthecupboard · 18/07/2019 21:48

What was mil supposed to give your baby when she was hungry/thirsty? I don't think allowing her to cry instead of giving a drink of water is a good option?

I doubt she gave her 6 oz all at once.

You do realize that babies are lovely and easy for their mothers and NOT everyone else? Rarely ANY one else?

The explosions weren't necessarily the fault of water? Maybe she was unhappy bc she had a tummy ache? Maybe she was fussy bc she had a tummy ache so mil tried to comfort her with water?

Sugary drinks aren't the end of the world either. My mil gave our dc disgusting sugary things that were rare and wonderful treats for them. (Not at 3 mos.)

In spite of the vitriol aimed at mils on mn, I am certain that not every one is an incompetent despot.

Take a deep breath and be kind. Dehydration is serious.

nuxe1984 · 18/07/2019 23:04

Babies do sometimes need water in hot weather but 6oz!!! No wonder she was bloated.

I would restrict contact unless you're there. ... and tell her why.

Sistersis · 18/07/2019 23:31

Does that even sound right to you that babies don't need water.... What a strange thing to be upset about

MarvellousMayhem · 19/07/2019 01:04

YANBU She went against your instructions.
I agree with @dementedpixie and others that said 6 oz is too much in one go and potentially dangerous. She could have given formula or EBM depending on which baby is normally fed to prevent the baby being dehydrated.

12 months has never been a suggested age for weaning to solids but some foods used to be suggested to introduce later. Now, as far as I am aware its only Honey you need to avoid till 12months due to the risk of botulism. Maybe that is what you're thinking? @TabbyMumz

Tinkerbelle57 · 19/07/2019 07:25

I can understand your concerns about what your mil did. However, over the years practices have changed and not giving babies water really surprised me.

My daughter has a 6 week old baby and when he was tiny I suggested a little cooled boiled water to help with constipation. Which we gave him. Then she tells me “Oh no, you’re not allowed to give them water”
This is what mums are told now.

I didn’t understand this and spoke to friends who had babies around the same time as me. In the hospital the midwives gave us water to give baby. There were sealed bottles of water lined up in the nursery for us to take .
I was also surprised that you are not allowed to make up bottles of milk in advance and put in fridge. Everyone I knew did this. Now you have to make up when needed and use in a certain amount of time.

I now respect what my daughter tells me and when I have baby I would only do what she asks.

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