To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

[loudnoises1]

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

Whatever our mums did we are here to tell the tale

“Whatever our mums did we are here to tell the tale”

Well, actually, quite a lot of us aren’t- ITSWIM! Before 1991 something like 2000 babies a year died because they were put to sleep on their fronts, for example. Parent smoking was the cause of much Ill health and even death in babies too.

So I don’t think it’s always granny knows best- but also pick your hill to die on!

I find the concept that you told her no, then she did it, worst of all.

I'm glad other posters have pointed out how dangerous this can be (folks, you or yours may have been fine but babies have died due to being given too much water; it's not the harmless substance it seems when you're talking about babies a few weeks old).

Your MIL had no idea at what level her electrolytes would be affected, no access to all the medical facts around feeding, therefore it was unarguably dangerous of her to do this.

6oz in one go would never be recommended by the GP, HV or any pediatric specialist for a 13 week old baby. It's fucking mental that the MIL did this, shame on posters belittling the op's concern.

What is so hard to understand about respecting parenting decisions and that what works out fine/unscathed for obe baby might be dangerous for someone else's?!

Whatever our mums did we are here to tell the tale

Stillborn babies linked to smoking?
Sleeping babie5on their front?

Just because you survived dangerous parenting, many did not.

This threads hysterical can't believe my dc are alive they slept on their tummy drank water had cot bumpers started on baby rice /mushed avocado's at 12 weeks. I'm shocked I tell you the bloody NHS guudelines/midwives and HV advice was malicious and intentionally cruel in the eighties. Good job we still had common sense.

InfiniteSheldon Was that all NHS advice I the eighties?

Yep I remember being really worried as my ds refused to sleep on his tummy the HV showed me how to swaddle and prop him on his side with folded up blankets, my dh said no fucking way he'll suffocate.

InfiniteSheldon - do you know the figures for SIDS before and after 1991?

Is it possible that there is a special mil water that is more dangerous than normal water?

I'm sure advice on eating nuts changed in 2009 so 10 years ago. Its been 6 months for sleeping in the same room since before my dd was born, so at least 15 years. I didn't give my dcs extra water between formula feeds and introduced it with solids so again at least 15 years. Formula has been made with hot water since at least ds was born in 2006. I didn't drink alcohol while pregnant with both of them and my youngest is 12.

You may think advice changes all the time but it really doesn't if the same advice has been about for at least 10/15 years

Formula fed babies do still need some water on hot days, formula doesn’t hydrate in the same way breast milk does. 6oz is obviously too much water for such a small baby though.

trouble is with threads that go this way.i get confused.to know now what are the actual facts or truths on whether the children should have water and how much.and i then doubt myself :(

It says they can have extra water it doesn't say they must. And it says small amounts, not a 6oz bottle which would fill a small tummy and put them off a milk feed while providing no nutrition

Honestly, I would find it so hard to get worked up over this (ie water). It's very unlikely that she acted with any kind of malice in mind. Pick your battles, as you're being precious here.

Hmmm - I can see both sides here. A lot of people saying that that's too much water - but it has been ridiculously hot and if the baby drinks it then obviously she must have needed it, as they don't tend to take what they don't need/want. I can understand you being a bit annoyed by MIL going against your wishes, but its just a bit of water. I can't imagine there'd be many medical professionals who would lambast someone for giving their baby water on a hot day.

Maybe the baby was hungry for milk but took the water as that is all that was offered? We don't know if all milk feeds had been given. The OP hasn't provided much info tbh

It's not clear whether the baby drank all 6oz in one go (sorry if this has been clarified previously)

I'm very surprised that a 13 week old baby managed to drink all that at once

DC2 is 10 months and the most they manage is a couple of ounces of water in one go

I'm not criticising the OP and disputing her version of events, it just seems an extraordinary amount for a young baby to drink all at once.

I did query whether it was given over a period of hours or whether it was all in one go (again, sorry if I missed any clarification)

From OP in a later post

For those asking, yes it was 6 oz all in one go which is what I suspect made her so bloated

@saraclara

Seriously, I so wish my MIL's Alzheimers wasn't so bad that she doesn't know me any more. Because reading MN over the last few weeks makes me want to go and tell her just how much I appreciate and love her. I really hope she knew that at the time. Yes, she loved to feed my kids sweet stuff when she had them to herself, but she never judged or criticised me, ever. The general anti-MILs sentiment in this place really bothers me. Not talking about the OP here, btw

I do totally agree with you on this one. Sorry to hear about your MIL.

My MIL is not my favourite person ever, however, I am grateful that she is still alive, fit & healthy and able to share in my DC's lives

@dementedpixie

Ok thanks for posting that

A tip for mils would be to not deliberately do something to/with your grandchild that has been specifically discussed with your dil and she's asked you not to do this.
Or go ahead, but be aware she will feel undermined and not trust you. Doesn't really matter if it's about water, screen time or ear piercing - if someone has already said "don't do it", why would you - to prove a point?

and if the baby drinks it then obviously she must have needed it,

You are being precious

What part about babies having died from water they drank happily do you not understand? Electrolyte imbalance & water intoxication are dangerous for adults; babies have less ability to tell us they're in trouble?

It's fucking stupid to risk your ego on someone else's baby.

Have her look up water intoxication!! There is a reason why if you are giving your baby water, it is literally the tiniest amount/ 6oz of water!! I would tell her that unless she starts to respect that you're the parent and its what you says goes, then she'll have to take a massive step back! That was such a dangerous thing to do!!

OP has calrified it was in one go so not wise at all-i wouldnt leave her with your mil for now op she obvuiously cant be trusted

I have never left my DC with my DF because he can’t be trusted to follow my instructions and not do something stupid because he always thinks that he knows best. It’s sad and most of all for him. It’s safer for my DC though. I am not a control freak but know what he was like as a DF...