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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 16/07/2019 22:18

Tough shit - if his dd lost a shoe then I wouldn't be giving them the pair you have until they find it.

Thehop · 16/07/2019 22:19

As above.....you will swap a pair for a pair, tell him to keep you posted.

Tolleshunt · 16/07/2019 22:20

YANBU. If they want to swap back, they need to swap a pair, not just one.

PickAChew · 16/07/2019 22:22

How do you know your daughter didn't leave her boots lying around, picking up the smaller pair, instead?

crazycatgal · 16/07/2019 22:22

YANBU, you need to either swap for the pair or keep the ones you have.

Drum2018 · 16/07/2019 22:23

(Sorry, posted too early) However, if your dd took her shoes from school and the other girl has been looking for them the past month and has now found one of your dd's shoes, I think you should come to some arrangement.

But basically, if the other girl lost your dd's shoes then that is their tough luck.

Halo1234 · 16/07/2019 22:23

Hmmm it's a tricky one. It's your shoe that is lost. His childs aren't you have them. I would give them back and try and find yours. But can see why you feel you shouldn't have too.

OwlinaTree · 16/07/2019 22:23

Humm tricky. If your DD just picked up the wrong ones, the other girl might not have taken your DD's boots if she realised, so your DD's might have just been left in the cloakroom.

If that's what happened, your DD took the wrong boots so should give them back. If the other girl took your DD's boots home that's different, but it doesn't sound like that's what happened.

Alsohuman · 16/07/2019 22:23

Two boots or no swap.

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:24

Thank you! As I was writing this I really was doubting and I couldn't think of how to tell the dad that I don't think I should get 1 shoe out of this! Bottom line is I didn't notice the size but we didn't just forget a pair of brand new walking boots and leave them lying around school for a month.
I just know he will think I am in the wrong though.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 16/07/2019 22:25

But what if the other girl didn't just forget them, she just knew the ones there weren't hers.

crazycatgal · 16/07/2019 22:25

It's not your fault, if his DD came home from the trip with your DD's boots then it is her who has lost one, whether she left them at school or took them home doesn't matter.

MumdayMania · 16/07/2019 22:26

You need to give them back. You daughter put on the wrong boots, her fault!

Not sure how you can blame them when it was you daughter putting on the wrong boots and therefore not looking after her own Confused

Divebar · 16/07/2019 22:27

Well that’s weird.... how did he know you had them? The fact that they can’t find one boot is irrelevant- you have either deliberately or accidentally walked away with property belonging to someone else. You’ve been made aware of the error and are now refusing to hand the property back. How bloody annoying would that be if the roles were reversed? The missing boot for the other pair is absolutely your problem not there’s and no justification for hanging onto their property.

crazycatgal · 16/07/2019 22:27

@OwlinaTree Then she should have told someone, not just dumped them at school.

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:27

The swap has happened on the trip. My daughter hasn't left the boots at school at all.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 16/07/2019 22:28

This:
How do you know your daughter didn't leave her boots lying around, picking up the smaller pair, instead?
I think you should give them back and try to find your dd's 1.

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:31

They have just started looking for her boots and finding only 1 and a size up the daughter told her dad that my daughter has exact same boots so they must have accidentally swapped on the trip. Which was a 3 day residential.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 16/07/2019 22:31

So if the swap happened on the trip, where does the dad think the other boots were lost?

To me, this comes down to the circumstances of the loss rather than who has the boots at the moment. If the second boot was lost while with the other family and they'd been using them since the swap then I don't blame you for not swapping back. If the boots were both swapped and lost on the trip in quick succession then it's less clear.

Alsohuman · 16/07/2019 22:32

Their problem. Tell them you’ll swap when they actually have a pair to swap. Cheeky fuckers.

Drum2018 · 16/07/2019 22:32

So the girls mistakenly swapped boots on the trip. Your dd arrived home with a pair in her bag but the other girl just left the pair she brought back in the school. She didn't do anything about it for a month and now wants your dd to give her the correct sized boots. It's a definite tough luck from me so. The other girl should have brought the boots home and her parents could have spoken to the school to figure out where the correct sized boots had gone - a month ago! The other girl now needs to find the boot she left at school before a swap can take place.

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:33

I am leaning towards politely requesting they return 2 boots.

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 16/07/2019 22:36

there is more detail in Drum2018's post, they have to find the other pair and then swap with you.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 16/07/2019 22:37

I would text him back and say “no problem, when you have both boots give me a call and we’ll arrange a swap”

MumdayMania · 16/07/2019 22:39

But they aren't your dd's boots!!

She did not look after her boots as she put on someone else's!!

As she didn't look after her boots (because she wasn't wearing them) they became lost!

All your dd's fault!

The other child is also at fault because she didn't loon after her's but she has since found them.... On your dd's feet.

You need to give them back. So strange that you think you can hold onto someone else's property.