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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
redredrobins · 16/07/2019 22:41

do we know your DD took the other girls boots, or did other girl put on your DD's boots and DD just put on the pair that were left?
I'm trying to say we don't know who first took wrong boots and possession is 9/10ths of the law.

Hohofortherobbers · 16/07/2019 22:43

YABU, you cannot keep someone else's boots! Give them back and find the pair that belong to you

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:44

@MumdayMania ok sensing a little devil's advocate with you.. the fact is that the girls didn't notice they had swapped boots. No one is at fault. There is no foul play.
I suppose what it comes down to is am I prepared to return their boots when they have lost 1 of ours.. and don't appear to care at all about that!
I see the logic. We have their boots.
But they have essentially 'borrowed' ours and should return both of them shouldn't they?

OP posts:
saraclara · 16/07/2019 22:48

If the swap happened on the trip, how come your daughter's boots ended up at school?

LillithsFamiliar · 16/07/2019 22:48

What if your DD lost her boot on the trip? Went looking for them, saw two boots so picked up that pair? I don't think it's the other family's responsibility to find your DD's boot. However, you could ask for more clarity about when the boot went missing.

Lollypop701 · 16/07/2019 22:49

They got a swap... if they want to swap back you are obviously fine with this. so they need to provide a pair of boots in a good condition. I’m sure this will be fine!

LillithsFamiliar · 16/07/2019 22:51

when they have lost 1 of ours
But you don't know that ^ is true. Your DD could have lost her boot on the trip.

RockyRolly · 16/07/2019 22:54

How much are these boots worth?

TheInvestigator · 16/07/2019 22:56

Has the other girl been wearing the boots since the trip? If she has been wearing them, then that means it was just an accidental swap on the trip but both girls have had a pair of boots and been happy wearing them. It also means she has lost one; it didn't go missing on the trip but was definately lost by her. If that is the case, then they need to return both in exchange for the pair you have or you don't swap.

If the girl hasn't been wearing them since, then one of them could have been lost on the trip. If that is the case, then your daughter is responsible because she lost it and then took the other girls.

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:56

My daughter went on the trip and returned wearing the boots. I haven't had an inkling we had swapped boots.
Our school finished last Friday and now dad is searching for his daughters boots and went into school but found only 1. He sent a message to say this.. with expectation I should return his daughters shoes and look for mine myself.

I am becoming more sure now that I am not being unreasonable to request they find and return both shoes.

OP posts:
DinoEggz · 16/07/2019 22:56

Your DD brought a pair of boots home so presumably the other girl did too? Why are the boots (or one boot anyway) now at school? And how do they know your DD’s boots were a size bigger? I’d be inclined to say you’re certain your DD has her own boots, sorry.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 16/07/2019 22:58

I'm sensing that the only responses the OP is interested in are the ones where she doesn't end up with one boot.

PancakeAndKeith · 16/07/2019 22:59

It’s a hard one.

How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot, Op?

Divebar · 16/07/2019 22:59

You don’t know the boots were swapped... your DD could have lost one and taken theirs instead. The point at which you became aware that they were not yours is the point you potentially committed theft - however unfair you think it is they are not your property.

viques · 16/07/2019 22:59

I don't understand how your DD ( and you) didn't notice that the brand new boots that were so large she had to put in an insole and wear extra socks suddenly fitted perfectly.......

Hmm
Durgasarrow · 16/07/2019 23:00

The other boot must have been at school because the other girl wore it to school--right? So the other girl lost it.

redredrobins · 16/07/2019 23:01

If the boot was lost by the other girl why should OP be left with just one boot.

TheInvestigator · 16/07/2019 23:01

@RedHatsDoNotSuitMe

If both girls have been happily wearing those boots since the trip with no problems then it was an accidental swap but no one actually cared. The other family only care because their daughter has no lost one. She's been wearing them, she lost one and now they want the other pair back. They didn't want the pair back when they had one already; only now that one has been lost. That's not fair and they can't expect that.

But, if the girl has not been wearing them and that boot went missing on the trip, then the OP should give these ones back since she can't prove her daughter didn't lose it and take the other girls.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 16/07/2019 23:01

You need to establish when the other boot was lost. If it was left lying around at school by the other girl then yes, tough shit. You’ll swap a pair for a pair and nothing else.

If one boot was lost on the trip and the other girl only came back with one boot then you’re probably on shakier ground, as you can’t prove who lost the boot. It could have been your daughter, who then picked up the matching pair without realising that her own boot was missing?

Next time get your daughter to label all her kit before any other residential trips.

sailorcherries · 16/07/2019 23:02

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DinoEggz · 16/07/2019 23:02

In that case... You have their boots so you need to return them. They have your boots so they need to return them or replace them if they’ve lost one. Don’t hand their boots over until they hand yours over.

cheesemongery · 16/07/2019 23:03

Eh? So you're keeping the boots, that you know are not yours because only one of your DD's boots can be found.

YABVU if so - they're not even your boots, and you have admitted as such.

Goingonagondola · 16/07/2019 23:03

Sorry I know it's annoying but I think you need to give the boots back.

At the end of the day, they're just not yours. It's really unfortunate that your ones haven't been looked after by someone whilst your daughter had lost them, but it was your daughter's responsibility to come back with her own boots. (Name everything from now on!)

Original poster
daffalicious · 16/07/2019 23:04

@RedHatsDoNotSuitMe no really. I asked AIBU as I feel conflicted. I don't want to be unfair to the other child/ parent but yes I want a fair swap.. and they have not looked after the pair they swapped and don't care at all about that.

OP posts:
HappilyHarridan · 16/07/2019 23:05

Op you can’t keep things that don’t belong to you! That’s just obvious. It’s really unfortunate if you can’t find the other one but it’s not fair to just keep hold of someone else’s belongings.

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