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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 17/07/2019 04:13

Everybody's ranting about the OP's daughter not noticing she took home smaller shoes.

Nobody's asking why the other girl who apparently took home NO shoes never bothered to mention to her parents that the boots were missing in the first place.

I'd suggest you and the father call the school and the residential and try to track down the missing boot.

TwistyTop · 17/07/2019 04:25

I'm sorry if this has been addressed - have rtft but I may have missed something - but how did he know that you have the boots? That's very strange. That makes it sound like his dd has willingly swapped shoes with your dd. Not sure why anyone would do that but it's just very odd.

Also, if the boots he bought were a size 2, and the ones that your dd has are a size 3, then they are not his boots. I would simply say to him sorry, the boots we have here aren't a size 2, someone else must have them.

Also you need to grill your DD about all this. Find out what happened. For all you know she's knowingly taken someone else's shoes which needs to be dealt with. I'm not saying anything negative about your dd, bit sometimes young children do silly things like this.

Shoxfordian · 17/07/2019 05:41

Give them back op
Don't be a bootnapper

Sweetpea55 · 17/07/2019 05:46

Do now the other child has lost one boot she remembers that your daughter has the same ones and they must have inadvertently swapped. How come it's taken a month for the girl to discover they were the wrong size? It's only because one has been lost.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 05:50

@Sweetpea55 Or OP's daughter lost her own boots at the camp and took home another girl's boots.

OP hasn't said that the other girl was wearing the boots in the meantime.

Jayaywhynot · 17/07/2019 06:09

Technically you have the other girls boots, they're hers not your Dd, give them back. It's not the other parents job to find the other boot its yours, it was your DDs mistake, reverse the problem and see if you would be happy for the other child to keep your DD boots

plasterboots · 17/07/2019 06:11

The boots you have do not belong to you do they?

I think that answers it?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 17/07/2019 06:13

I'm way too interested in this thread...

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 17/07/2019 06:13

So who actually owns the size 3 boots?

ChocChocButtons · 17/07/2019 06:17

They don’t belong to you, you can’t keep them. This is time to teach your child to look after her stuff better.

Chartreuser · 17/07/2019 06:21

I think the silence around your DD circumstances speak volumes here.

It would also be good to know at what point his DD realised she was missing hey boots.

However your daughter didn't look after her property sufficiently and it is now MIA, it is her fault and her fault alone and thus YABU CF

sheshootssheimplores · 17/07/2019 06:23

Text him saying you have a size 3 pair of boots, not a size 2 as he has stated. Id be interested if he still says they are his daughters.

MyOpinionIsValid · 17/07/2019 06:38

Child A has Child Bs boots

Mum A knows these boots belong to Child B

No one knows if Child A or Child B originally picked up the wrong boots, thus inadvertently swapping. But it looks likely that actually Child A picked up Child Bs boots (on the trip) and Child As boots made their way back to school, hence Dad B looking for the spare boot.

All we know is Mum A is with holding Child Bs property, knowingly, so that is theft.

urbanlife · 17/07/2019 06:38

Text back:

"Thank you for letting me know about the boot mix up. The boots are very expensive and we won't be able to replace them.
It is a shame that your dd has lost one of our boots at school but I understand that these things happen, so please can you replace the boots so we are can swap over. Or ask the school to help you locate the lost one. We will obviously keep your boots safely here in the meantime. Please let me know what works for you. Best Daff.

urbanlife · 17/07/2019 06:41

The father obviously needs to replace the boot if his dd has lost op's. I would not be rushing to return the boots until he has done this!

It is not your problem that his child has lost one!

urbanlife · 17/07/2019 06:46

For those saying it is theft, what is your position on the loss of op's boots by the other child and no replacement? Does that not equate to theft by the other child, and now she has lost one.
Why should op have to pay for new ones when her dd has looked after the boots.
The only leverage op will have is to hold onto the boots until her dd's boots are replaced. He may not be a decent chap, and may not replace them otherwise.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 06:46

Suggest you go halves on replacing your DD's boots.

Both DDs have messed up.

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2019 06:49

It seems odd to me that the child with new boots that didn't fit (especially without the insole they needed not being taken) suddenly ended up with a new pair that fit perfectly and now their mum conveniently doesn't want to hand them back.

As for 'other child has clearly been using your boots for a month', how on earth can you say that? I took my walking boots on a school trip a month ago. They were on the school minibus in their bag. I haven't been in the bag again for a month. How many school aged children would seriously be using a pair of walking boots that often?

LazyDaisey · 17/07/2019 06:50

So year 6 residential trip.
3 pairs of identical walking shoes, sizes 2, 3, 4.

And after 6 years of reminders and more reminders for trips..... 3 families STILL DIDN'T LABEL their shit.

Label your kids’ shit people.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 06:50

As an aside, aren't you stealing the boots as you now have an intention to "permanently deprive" the owner of them?

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 06:51

3 pairs of identical walking shoes, sizes 2, 3, 4.

Or 2 pairs and a father with Fat Finger Syndrome who has hit the wrong number.

TidyDancer · 17/07/2019 06:53

If the boots were genuinely swapped by both girls by mistake and your DDs boots were then definitely lost by the other girl at some point then it's reasonable to expect them to replace the boots or find the missing one. I and others have said this up thread though, yes you may have the other girls boots (or possibly not given the update) but how the boots were lost depends on whether this is a case of returning something that was inadvertently borrowed, or returning something your DD took without permission. If you can be sure it's the latter, you have to return the boots irrespective of whether you gets your DD's boots back.

I really do think you need more info on how the boot was lost. If it was lost from the other girls home then it would seem they were being used. The fact the one boot was found at school is muddying the waters.

squiglet111 · 17/07/2019 06:53

Did the other girl go home wearing your daughter's boots and didn't come back without boots from the trip?

If so, then she's been wearing them for a month, and now that one has gone missing they want to claim back their actual pair? But were happy to let her wear them before they lost one? Not on no... They should have asked for a swap straight after the trip!

cocomelon23 · 17/07/2019 07:01

They're not yours. Give them back. How hard is that to understand fgs.

BlackBirdInMyGarden · 17/07/2019 07:04

Look it’s basically impossible to tell which child was at fault and who took which pair or lost one.

The fairest thing to do is to say both sides are at fault for not noticing for a month re boots. Therefore you should offer to split the cost of a new pair of boots.