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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 17/07/2019 01:07

Just tell him, it seems our DD swapped shoes . Have only realised after your message
Not sure who was to blame, but since this means you had my shoes, I am willing to swap back a pair for a pair.....

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 17/07/2019 01:08

Return the boots but ask for your DD’s or the cost of replacements. Was the trip local? Could the missing boot be recovered from the Residential’s lost property?

I think their DD has inadvertently admitted she’s lost one. And the size mix up may never have been noticed if she hadn’t lost it.

limestars · 17/07/2019 01:16

Bloody hell OP think about how this is going to make your dd look at school.
Children can be the worse at spreading gossip, you don't want you dd to get a tag name because of you need to be right

MumdayMania · 17/07/2019 01:17

And you bought her oversized shoes so that they would last longer?

Now that your dd has lost these oversized shoes you are happy for her to keep another child's smaller shoes even though she will outgrow them faster? Unbelievable.

How old is your dd? If she is older than 8 I would 100% be holding her accountable and returning the pair of shoes that do not belong to her.

NorthernSpirit · 17/07/2019 01:18

They are not your shoes. You should return them.

sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 01:18

Why are people assuming they swapped shoes and that both children returned home with two boots?

The man admits he found one shoe in the school, meaning none were at his home, meaning his daughter never brought them home.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 01:19

They aren't your property either way. Regardless of when they were lost or by whom.

However you don't seem to even have a clear idea of how/when the boots were mixed up, whether the other girl took your DD's boots home or they were left at the camp. It's just as likely that your daughter lost them at the camp and took her friends boots instead. The fact that the other girl went home with no boots is irrelevant. It wasn't her job to seek out and protect your daughters property for her. You really don't know what happened, so I don't see how you can be so indignant about the other girls father expecting his daughters property to be returned.

I don't think you'll cover yourself in glory by nitpicking over the dad getting his daughters shoe size wrong. Unless a third girl also approaches you claiming to have lost identical boots, it's pretty clear that the boots you have in your possession belong to the other family.

MountainPeakGeek · 17/07/2019 01:31

We know her dad went to look for boots, plural, and found one - all at school. It seems likely the other girl has never had OPs DDs but OPs DD has always had the other girls.

^^ This! It sounds like your DD took the other girl's boots but the other girl never had your DD's boots. A lone boot (of your DD's) made it back to the school from the residential trip - maybe picked up by a teacher or whoever. You need to give the boots that your DD took that were not hers back to their rightful owner. It's probably nothing to do with the other family that one of your DD's boots was left behind...

beckywiththecraphair · 17/07/2019 01:53

Sorry if this has been addressed but how the hell did he know that you had his daughter's boots? Out of how many kids? Did the girls swap? If so, then his daughter needs to go find the other boot to swap back. If not, how is he so certain your kid has his kids boots?!!

HerRoyalNotness · 17/07/2019 02:10

If it’s not even the right size then I suggest other children on the trip had the same boots as well. Text him back and say it’s size 3, he may need to do more hunting

mathanxiety · 17/07/2019 02:18

Has the other girl been wearing the wrong boots to school for a month and the question of boots has only come up in her house because she lost the pair she had been wearing?
If so then they are CFers.

Or was your DD's boot in the lost and found in school since the trip?
If yes then your DD is the CFer.

mathanxiety · 17/07/2019 02:25

I see the update on the sizes - they are mistaken.
Size 3 makes more sense from a comfort pov for your DD than size 2 would. She might have noticed that she was wearing boots two sizes too small but not boots that were one size smaller than the boots she bought.

Were the boots on sale? How likely is it that three girls bought them?

And why did you only buy boots for a trip a few days before the trip? Guaranteed blisters.

BasiliskStare · 17/07/2019 02:32

& this is why - although a pain in the neck at times - DC's property / clothes etc you have a name label or write name in them. If you know they are not your DD's shoes I think you are being a bit , well not quite right , by not returning them & then finding your DD's shoes - different problem. The hours I have spent labelling school uniform , shoes etc. Wasn't great but never have I had an argument with anyone about whose shoes were whose Grin

QuickRedFox · 17/07/2019 02:45

Ask if you can borrow the boots for the planned walks and return them afterwards. Or return them and borrow them later. There has to be at least a chance that your family and their family haven’t planned walks for the same days.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 02:47

@QuickRedFox really? Can you imagine the reverse post:

'CF family pinched my daughters boots, begrudgingly returned them once caught and is now expecting to borrow them whenever they please. AIBU to tell them to sit on a cactus?'

QuickRedFox · 17/07/2019 02:55

Obviously OP should ask nicely and politely rather than expect to borrow them.
Wouldn’t most reasonable parents see that there is likely some carelessness on the part of both girls (obviously if OP’s daughter turns out to be the only careless one it might be better not to ask). I’d be happy to lend the boots if I were the other parent in this situation.

QuickRedFox · 17/07/2019 02:56

The other family don’t know that OP is begrudgingly returning them. She’s only just received the request and hasn’t responded yet.

Bignicetree · 17/07/2019 03:10

I suspect your daughter knowingly took the smaller boots because they fitted her better, looked better and were more comfortable.

And I say that because I remember being a young kid Smile

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 03:24

@QuickRedFox OP's last posts suggested she was planning to tell them she'd be willing to 'swap' for two matching boots but not one. Even if she ends up doing the right thing and returning them unconditionally I think the family will sense some reluctance on her part based on that alone.

StoppinBy · 17/07/2019 03:26

Your daughter picked up the wrong shoes and put them on so how do you know she didn't misplace her own, take the other girls and leave her to find the 'lost' pair?

nzeire · 17/07/2019 03:27

Not, your. Daughters. Boots.

End of.

Give them back

DonJeer · 17/07/2019 03:54

Wtf? How come so many people think what you're doing is ok?! Its not! YADBVU.
Give the boots back - you're essentially knowingly stealing them?!
Your DD boots are the responsibility of....your DD (and you).

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 03:54

YANBU. People are making a lot of assumptions here.

The girl's dad has left this too long. The trip happened a MONTH ago. They have either been happily using OP's dd's shoes all this time and now lost 1 shoe at school or they have failed to notice the missing shoes for a MONTH.

The chances of OP now finding the missing shoes are REMOTE. If they had told OP a MONTH ago that they either had the wrong shoes or that OP had their dd's shoes then I'd have more sympathy.

Funny how the other girl has suddenly remembered the shoes must have been swapped just as she's lost a shoe Pretty good chance she's been using the boots since the trip. Why would ONE shoe turn up at school if she hadn't used them since the residential?

Tavannach · 17/07/2019 04:07

They're not yours. Of course you have to give them back. It's a no-brainer.

snitzelvoncrumb · 17/07/2019 04:10

I would write back happy to swap back when you have both boots.

It was a simple mistake, and if your child accidentally brings back the wrong shoes from camp you need to look after them, you don't just leave them at school then expect yours back.