DH vomited on the bed!

[Spiceupyourlife]

I can’t cope with vomit! I never have been able to and I have OCD and (heavily triggered by vomit) but have been MUCH better in recent years.

DH has a drinking problem/ depression when we met (always high functioning- blamed it on his super stressful job...etc)
We sat down early on and I laid out my cards (I don’t drink, I can’t cope with him drinking so much he vomits) fine.

Over 2 years and only one drinking relapse (no vomit) totally fine. We recently got married and honeymoon...he started having more to drink...ok no issue

But he didn’t stop; sat him down the other day and said the wedding/ honeymoon is over now time to reign it back in- he agreed

We are TTC, lead by him as he’s older (I want them don’t get me wrong but could easily wait another year or two.

Could feel it building and today cricket was on 🙄 he loves it but it triggers his depression (reminds him of lost loved one) he drank loads, alone at home - I warned him he was taking it too far but NO!

Fell asleep in his clothes on the bed- went in to check him as heard a funny noise and he was gagging on his own vomit.
Got him a bucket- he threw his guts up- then again 10 mins later (some went on the bed whilst I retrieved the bucket)

I can’t get him up to change it- he’s no clue where he is so I’m sleeping on the living room floor terrified he’ll choke in his sleep- put him on his side but he keeps moving.

I freaked out- cried and had a panic attack on the kitchen floor (after cleaning up in rubber gloves ofc) whole top floor of the house stinks.

He’s tearful and apologetic but still totally out of it. My DM was calling by to drop something off and luckily calmed me down (otherwise I’d be sleeping in garden)

We both had a stomach but last year and I managed (just 🙄) I find it easier to cope with when somebody is ill but he had no control Over himself I had to hold him up to be sick 🤢

I’m just laid here unable to sleep needing to wee and not wanting to go to the bathroom because the bleach hasn’t had time to work yet.

I have a huge week at work and really didn’t need this. DM said ‘it’s normal lots of couples who drink do this every weekend’

So kinda wonder if IABU but at the same time this isn’t my life and I made that VERY clear from the start 😭 I don’t know if I can face work tomorrow It’s horribly triggered my MH but actually might be better to hide at the nice clean office!

I also worry how ill cope with kids when I can’t cope with this!

Please be gentle but honest opinions please

Apologies, I see that you've addressed this. Good for you.

My sisters husband has an alcohol issue.. Sister says he doesn't as he doesn't drink enough daily to be ill only sometimes.. Yeah but he still drinks daily and when he's out or there's football or whatever reason he drinks so much he vomits and will piss himself etc... She brought kids into that and they've grown up watching him do this and listening to the arguing and watching her clean it and him.. I'm glad you're thinking carefully about ttc. It really is horrid to see the kids watch it all and grow up thinking it's normalwhich sadly they do. Look after yourself as well OK x

With respect OP, ‘I had a gut feeling tonight that I want to stop TTC’ is very different to ‘ I will stop TTC’ . Regardless, that’s a good decision while you work out whether you can put up with this long term. Even if it is only a few times, if it’s more than you can handle, you deserve better.

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation OP. I’ve been there myself and it is scary and very unfair. My experience with a partner who is convinced that they don’t have a drinking problem, or that their excessive drinking is normal, is that they have to be forced to see there is a problem. And sadly, as your life gets more complicated, if you don’t have a straightforward pregnancy, then the stress of a new baby, will give him even more excuse to drink to excess and cause you more pain. Can you refuse to continue with the TTC until he sees a counsellor or goes to an AA meeting? If he is so sure what he is doing is normal, surely he can’t object to doing one of those things to prove himself right and to prove you wrong? Of course it seems obvious what the real conclusion will be...

TTC may be the last leverage you have to try to get him to get help, so please think really carefully about it. I really wish you all the best xx

As a child of alcoholic parents I agree with PP who say please don't bring DC into this bullshit. Please have more self respect & get rid. You can't change these people, they have to choose to change themselves. I have every sympathy for the disease of alcoholism & I still live with it every day, but to involve DC is wrong. You also deserve better. My DM wasted her entire adult life on dad. In the end she opted for if you can't beat em join em. She died less than a month after her 65h birthday. Dad is still here 9 years on at 73 continuing to affect my life in a negative way. He is also a really lovely man that I do a lot for. They usually are!

So you wouldn't dream of coming down hard on him because he's a sensitive wee soul, and it might hurt his feelings.

But it's OK for him to drink himself into oblivion, and vomit everywhere, and you get to clean it up.

How does that work?? Aren't you sensitive and kind, and worthy of consideration from the person you love...?

You are fixating on him being so much better than your previous boyfriends, but that means nothing.

He's significantly worse than any of my exes - let alone my DH! - he'd have been binned as soon as he told me about his issues.

It's all relative, isn't it? Just because he's better than your shit exes, doesn't mean he's anywhere near good enough.

If your OH is a UK based Dr, then this confidential service may help him.

php.nhs.uk/

The NHS Practitioner Health Programme is an award winning, free and confidential NHS service for doctors and dentists with issues relating to a mental health concern or addiction problem, in particular where these might affect their work. Where the patient suffers an associated physical health problem our team will signpost to appropriate NHS services and may be able to offer some case management.

If he has an established both MH & alcohol problems, & in a stressful profession, then he needs to address this urgently as the future does not look rosy if this situation rolls on as it is.

‘He thinks he’s ok and part of me thinks that as he’s a Dr he’s probabky right (usually is)...’

Wrong - he’s not OK, he’s depressed & misusing alcohol which is a depressant.
Wrong - Medical profession has significant issues with alcohol & drug abuse.
Wrong - he may be right about many things, but not this.

Many a medic has trodden this path before.
He’s not the first & he is certainly not alone.

95% OK will soon slip to 90%, then slide slowly in to a more entrenched & difficult situation.

He needs professional help now.

Postpone TTC until this fundamental matter has been fully addressed.

How have you got to the stage of even thinking of having a child with this man?
What is it with women who think they can 'cure' these fuckwits?

If you value your own life so little then by all means stay with him but don't bring a child into the equation to share the misery.

My blood ran cold when you said he was a doctor. How can you be sure he is never alcohol impaired when at work? I hope he isn't a surgeon.

Alcoholics are the most selfish humans known to mankind. Don't sacrifice your own life for this loser.

OP, your dh needs help, sadly he is not alone in being a Dr with alcohol addiction
sick-doctors-trust.co.uk/page/addiction
Please get him to seek help and don't TTC until he's sober ...there is so much at risk here

He IS an alcoholic. This is not going to stop unless he admits this and stops drinking.

You need also need support with your OCD.

This is definitely not a good environment to bring a child into.

“in EVERY other respect he is wonderful. Absoloutley the best guy!“

Anyone can be considered amazing if you’re allowed to discount their negative traits.

Echoing what Bookworm4 said. This isn’t the ideal scenario for a baby.

I do feel for you, this is obviously a horrible situation and it's clear you love and want to help this man.
Please read your posts though...I feel like you are in huge denial about how bad this actually is. You write as though the fact that you've had previously shit relationships means that you have to accept this behaviour because 95% of the time he is ok.

How can you trust this person if 5% of the time they are literally drunk to a state of unconscious? It doesn't mean anything that he is a doctor, and it doesn't give him a free pass to completely ignore his depression and put you through this. You are enabling this behaviour. He won't get better because why would he? He doesn't believe he will lose anything through his actions.

Sensitive soul my arse! It’s good you are stopping ttc. He has issues with alcohol - it’s not how often he drinks but how he’s drinking.

He needs help for his drink problem, you need help for Emetophobia.

You say you are TTC, babies and children are sick. Lots. Everywhere. They often don’t make it to the toilet and then flush.

What Maybelline said.
If you clean up after him, he won't see the consequences of what he has done.
Sleep downstairs, pee in the garden (it's still dark isn't it?) and in the morning you can treat yourself to some new bedding.
You are young and you really don't want a lifetime of this - in the midst of the good and lovely times, you will be wondering when the next 'event' will be.
Oh, and your mum is wrong. Not normal.

sick-doctors-trust.co.uk/page/helpful-contacts

Theses guys are supposed to be very good.

Sorry see others have posted similar....

Starks, op has said it was her DH who was leading on the ttc so please stop the "some women" comments.
Op if you are already pregnant, what will you do?
Agree with others this isn't normal.ive been sick from drinking too much once in my life. I've been with DH since we were 18 and can think of one occasion when he's done it too.

I have been married 28 years - my husband has never been so sick from alcohol that he wasn't in control of his vomiting. In fact I don't think he has been so drunk that he vomited more than 10 time (probably less).

You grew up with a functioning Alcoholic, and now seem to be married to one. It doesn't matter how nice he is 96% of the time - is this behaviour acceptable?

Advice? If you won't kick him out immediately. Stop TTC. And go to an Alanon meeting.

Oh and it seems hi behaviour gets worse the more he has you "trapped". Better when it was easier to leave, but he lets it slip when he's married you, slips more when he's talked you into TTC, and how will it get when you have DC in the mix....?

You are married to an alcoholic with mental health problems, who is not acknowledging his alcoholism or getting any help to deal with either problem. Repeat this until it sinks in.

You did great, by the way, well done for holding it together.

You're mid 20s, been together 2 years and he's been on benders so severe he's vomited every 6 months. He's older than you and wants to TTC. How old is he, I'm guessing 40ish, would that be right? Can't imagine a bloke worrying about being too old for DC at all before then. He's trying to trap you with pregnancy.

At the very least you should stop TTC, he needs to get help with his drinking (it's not normal, particularly if he's as old as I suspect) and you need to consider if you can spend a life with someone with a drink problem. Just because he's better than you previous boyfriends doesn't mean he's good enough.

And just to be clear: your fear of vomit is not the issue here.

Fuck him let him choke.

This is an appalling comment. Her DH is a kind and good man who is struggling with MH problems. There’s no evidence that he’s abusive.

OP I agree with others that you should stop TTC until you have both got professional help and are feeling more stable.

Don't bring kids into this, jeez