AIBU to think that just as a male should not slap a woman's face ,a woman shouldn't slap a man ?

[peridito]

Son slapped in face by girlfriend . Night out ,son went outside club/bar to speak to friends ,girlfriend offended and came out and slapped him.

Appreciate there may be more to it than I know ,but is it ever right to slap someone round the face ?

Son seems ok with it ,but I'm not .

Another one ptetending that in general men and women are at equal risk when attacked by the other.

This is the new drive for equality then, I think?

These things must be judged not by outcome, by actual level of injury, but by... Not sure. Effort, I think it was. And bingo, men killing women isn't so bad as its not much effort. Eggshell skulls and all that.

Intetesting.

Have a chat with your son and say you’re concerned by what you’ve heard and is he ok; hopefully he’ll be honest with you.
There IS a double standard on MN, recently there was a thread regards a woman who’d hit her OH whilst he was driving and the majority justified it because he’d pissed her off, some went as far as to deny DV against men was a growing issue, I was disgusted by the attitudes.

@Scott72 I can't agree that it would be forgivable at all. Why should it be? Violence is violence.

Women slapping men always happens on tv and we're meant to applaud and say 'good on you.' I remember Shelley (was that her name?) punching Peter in Corrie in the middle of the Rovers and thinking at the time that it shouldn't be treated as a positive thing. And to those saying Corrie isn't real life, no it's not, but it's shown in millions of homes at 7.30pm so plenty of folk see it.

Op I think it's important to keep communication open between you and your son. Try to avoid the situation where he ends up defending his gf to you.

Hopefully even if he doesn't recognise it now he will see it as abuse eventually and will be able to leave without fear of losing face.

I don't understand why soaps show it so much, and as a normal thing with no repurcussions

It's really weird.

There have been some campaigns around this maybe you could have a look at if they are still going / doing something around that?

Is it really the same if my husband has a bruise to me being dead?

Did I say that?

Both are domestic violence both are abuse.

Both are wrong. One may result in worse injuries. It doesnt make the other right.

If I drink drive and manage to get home safe and not hurt anyone? Is that ok? What if I just roll my car into someone while drunk. But dont injury them. Will the charge of driving under the influence not be as bad?

No, the charge of driving under the influence will be the same. But the additional charges will be different.

Doesnt matter who is hitting who. Its abuse and not acceptable.

Of course it isnt. It's an offence to drink drive even if you dont hurt someone else.

Another one ptetending that in general men and women are at equal risk when attacked by the other.

No one has said there is equal risk. Or that men suffer DV at the same rate as women.

They are 2 different issues.

You hit your partner and you have abused them. You gender or theirs doesnt matter.

Also more women are currently abused by men and lots more women

Both statements are true.

Again, what about DV in lesibian relationships. Is that ok, because it's a woman committing it?

Would you be less worried if he had a hot iron thrown at him, like happened to my brother?

The discussion is not about having a hot iron thrown at them. The poster said she would be more worried about her daughter being hit this is because she is more physically vulnerable, less physically able to restrain someone or if needed to to fight back it was in no way saying hitting a man is ok

Why are threads regarding domestic violence against males always end up as attempts to down play it by saying that women are abused more.

As pp said, its 2 completely different points. Stats of DV against women, doesnt justify DV against men.

Again, what about DV in lesibian relationships. Is that ok, because it's a woman committing it?

Yes, it quite warms the heart.

Is that the kind of response you're looking for?

It is worth repeating: nobody has said it's okay for women to hit anybody.

I don't understand why soaps show it so much, and as a normal thing with no repurcussions

Maybe because it's a reflection of the fact that DV against men, particularly from women, isn't taken seriously?

Protein

This is all about this statement

'It’s quite dangerous to say that it’s the level of injury that dictates'

Do you agree with this statement or not.

If you don't agree with it, then we are at cross purposes, and you are arguing over something completely different to what my comments were in response to.

@Butchyrestingface but it's not quite as bad, is it? According to some on this thread it's not quite as bad.

I am not looking for anyone to say it warms the heart.

Abuse should be regarding as disgusting. Regardless of who is committing it. No one committing should be getting it downplayed, or justified.

Its justified on MN alot. You see loads of threads where women have hit men and posters repeatedly saying 'well he goaded you into it'. That, is minimising abuse. And it's never an excuse for men to hit women.

You would never see on mn someone saying 'you did goad him into though by arguing first'

@Fraggling that dictates what though?

That posters point was that all dv is bad, women can be a bad as men, and the level of physical injury is a poor measure as to the level of harm.

I said OK i hit dh as hard as I can, he does same to me. He has a bruise, I am dead. Kids have lost mum. These things are not the same. Althougj we did both hit as hard as we could so from that perspective, yes. They are just as bad.

I do have sympathy with that perspective but in real life it will downgrade vawg.

That dictates how serious it is / the level of harm caused.

It's true that emotional abuse etc are very damaging and should be taken more seriously. Also that dv is dv and terrible whoever commits it. Women, men. Sometimes the children are abusing parents. And so on.

I think that removing level of injury inflicted as a measure of harm, while I understand it, in getting female on male dv taken more seriously, would be detrimental to women.

@Butchyrestingface but it's not quite as bad, is it? According to some on this thread it's not quite as bad.

But that isn't what you said. You've been saying that posters have said that it's "okay" for women to hit men. They didn't. Saying that it's not as bad isn't the same as saying that it's okay or justifying it. Again, not saying that I endorse that sentiment, but there is a difference.

I said OK i hit dh as hard as I can, he does same to me. He has a bruise, I am dead. Kids have lost mum. These things are not the same. Althougj we did both hit as hard as we could so from that perspective, yes. They are just as bad.

That statements indicates, that as long as the man doesnt hit hard enough to kill. It's not that bad.

Again you are dismissing the emotional and mental impact of DV.

The result of death VS a bruise, is a bit pointless. As we all know death is worse. But does that mean hitting your partner enough to bruise them isnt that bad?

I think that removing level of injury inflicted as a measure of harm, while I understand it, in getting female on male dv taken more seriously, would be detrimental to women.

No I think any abuse should be treated very strongly. Then the level of harm committed should incur further charges.

Like I said. If anyone drink drives and is caught, they will be charged with drink driving. If they hit someone and hurt them they will have further charges. If they kill someone, further charges again. But it still stands that the charge of drink driving is still there.

Anyone abusing another should be charged and dealt with as abuser. Regardless of sex. The level of damage they inflict, should incur further charges.

Many men hit their female partners, enough to bruise. Sometimes even not that hard. It's still abuse. It's not less abusive because it's not as hard as it could be.

It's not acceptable to hit anyone. HTH.

But that isn't what you said. You've been saying that posters have said that it's "okay" for women to hit men.

I dont think I have, I can't see where I said that but If I have said that I apologise.

I am arguing against people saying it's not as bad.

Not entirely sure why the OP had to start a debate about sex of the abusers and the sex of the victims either. It would make far more sense to start a thread asking for advice on how to handle this situation rather than start a controversial thread that you know fine well is going to lead to a bun fight.

As a side note, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have seen people mock male victims of domestic abuse. I am not entirely sure if it's a coincidence (I suspect not) but on all of those occasions the person doing the mocking was a man. I am yet to see a woman taking the piss out of male abuse victims but that's not to say it doesn't happen I guess...

I can count on one hand the amount of times I have seen people mock male victims of domestic abuse.

Straw man, even if true. The nub of the problem isn't the mockery, it's the justifying and minimising

Taking the OP at face value, she's come on here to seek assurance that what happened was beyond the pale. She hasn't got that, has she? Instead, people are accusing her of goading.

The nub of the problem isn't the mockery, it's the justifying and minimising

Justifying of abuse? Do you have any idea how sick that makes you sound?