AIBU to think that just as a male should not slap a woman's face ,a woman shouldn't slap a man ?

[peridito]

Son slapped in face by girlfriend . Night out ,son went outside club/bar to speak to friends ,girlfriend offended and came out and slapped him.

Appreciate there may be more to it than I know ,but is it ever right to slap someone round the face ?

Son seems ok with it ,but I'm not .

I completely agree. It’s a terrible double standard which does women no favours imo.

It’s a terrible double standard which does women no favours imo

There’s is no double standard, as this thread has shown. Yes, some people may dismiss this as no big deal, just as some people (including often our courts) dismiss male on female domestic violence as no big deal.

“It’s a terrible double standard which does women no favours imo.”

Where?

Weird that you need to ask

It's a pretty unequivocal answer as far as I can see
Is the relationship over?

There’s is no double standard

Not on this thread but, as a PP said But there is an argument, mainly seen on mn that that it worse for men to hit women, because men are stronger and will do more damage and inflict more fear. Because power is balanced in the male favour, it's very different and that a woman slapping a man isnt great, but mo where near as bad

I've definitely seen it on MN where posters have said "it's not great but..." to female on male violence. No, I'm not going to try and find examples because advanced search is shit.

I've never seen anyone on mn saying it's ok for women to hit men, and that's is saying something because there are all shades of opinion on here!
Violence is wrong. Everyone accepts that. Sometimes people lose control
Sometimes people are provoked.
That doesnt make it right
Only if they're defending themselves is there a defence, clearly not in this case

"that that it worse for men to hit women, because men are stronger and will do more damage and inflict more fear. Because power is balanced in the male favour, it's very different and that a woman slapping a man isnt great, but mo where near as bad"

This is absolutely true in my opinion. If a woman very occasionally loses her temper and slaps a man, then its forgiveable. But the reverse wouldn't be. OPs sons girlfriend seems to to it far more than just occasionally though.

In my experience on mn is that it isnt a big deal to most posters. In real life is pretty similar.

But I have seen on mn, all sorts fo excuses for women abusing even when it's their children.

A poster a while ago said she suffered lots of verbal abuse from her mother growing up. The mother was married, had an affair with a married man, got pregnant and was bitter because her affir partner didnt leave his wife for her. The poster was also being blackmailed into having no contact with her fathers other children. There were tales if horrible abuse. And still some posters claimed her mother was probably manipulated into the affair and talked about how sorry they felt for the mother, left alone to bring up a child single handedly only for that could to betray her by getting to know her half siblings.

I have even seen one poster repeatedly claim women can not be abusers and dont abuse their children. Despite posters in that thread saying they were abused by their mother. MN had to keep deleting the posts.

It was a long standing poster and they werent banned, which I think someone telling people they were abused by their mother, several times would have been banned.

Sometimes people are provoked.

But, lots if posters on mn will argue that women are provoked and goaded into hitting. But you never see anyone claiming that a man hot a woman because he was emotionally abused to breaking point.

Lots of posters will trot the line out 'he was emotionally abusing you to make you hit him'. But you never see it the other way round.

No of course it's wrong.

The idea that women are allowed to hit men and men aren't allowed to hit women is bollocks though.

In real life women don't actually go atound slapping men. It was always v common in eg eastenders or dynasty but they are not real life.

In real life a. Women dont go around slapping men willy nilly and b. No one thinks it's ok.

The men at my work were going on about this apoatent double standard. I think what they really are doing, is pretending that women attack men on the street etc left right and centre so it's understandable really when it goes the other way. They were not talking king about dv, note, but about people in the pub and clubs.

This is also seen with the men who say to women, now we're equal I can punch you in the face. Internet mra types. Remember the glee over the video of a lefty type woman at a march being punched in the face by a man.

Anyway. He should dump her obv. Police, up to him, I don't think most people report this sort of thing I may be out of touch.

Domestic violence can never be excused, no matter who is doing it.

My mum used to hit my dad, according to her hitting is forgiveable if you’re a woman. Like other people who believe that she is a complete scumbag, these sort of people are advocating domestic violence, it’s disgusting.

The only violence that can ever be forgiven in my opinion is using reasonable force in self defense.

I do think there is a difference in that if I hit dh he'd say ow if he hit me I'd be seriously injured or killed.

I suppose the extent of the injury dictates, then, that's a bit late though.

Not ok. My husband left his ex girlfriend when she physically assaulted him. Inappropriate behaviour towards any other human being - male or female

This is one of those situations where people are quick to tell women what they think.

I do think there is a difference in that if I hit dh he'd say ow if he hit me I'd be seriously injured or killed

So is it ok for a man to hit a woman, as long as he makes sure it doesnt injure her or leave a mark?

What about lesibian relationships. Is the one who is percived to be physically weaker, ok to hit the other one?

Also, this argument forgets the non physical trauma of being a victim of DV.

It’s quite dangerous to say that it’s the level of injury that dictates. Given a lot of the time domestic violence states with “small” incidents which build up over time it’s basically saying not to worry when it’s actually those early things which should ring alarm bells.

And of course women are perfectly capable of inflicting proper harm on men.

Assault is assault whichever gender, isn't it?

I didn't expect so many responses ,nor that the response would be so clear .

I'm very tempted to talk to the GF and tell her how shocked I am .

Protein I've posted 2 posts and you've picked one small part.

It's not ok for anyone to hit anyone, I am quite clear on that.

I do think an outcome of minor injury is less bad than death, don't you agree? That is what our legal system says.

Happy to hear your argument if you believe it's the action that counts not the outcome. So women with their pesky eggshell skulls will have their murderers get less time in the basis that if a woman had hit a man with the same effort, death wouldn't be the result.

Some people just don't like women very much. It's a lie to say that women are a violent as men, it's a lie to say that as much murder/gbh etc is committed by women as men.

People who say this have an agenda.

Everyone in the thread has said what she did was wrong, it was assault, he should dump her, and as its a crime he could report it.

It is definitely not acceptable.

'It’s quite dangerous to say that it’s the level of injury that dictates'

Our laws say this? That murder is worse than gbh is worse than assault etc

If you want them changed tell me how, and tell me how this would work out for women when a similar level of effort would have very different injury result when average male in female vs the other way around.

Removing the level of injury as a sign of severity will not go well for women.

The legal side is a separate matter though. I am talking about the reactions of society as a whole and to paint a “oh she is harmless” view is dangerous. To try to say if no physical scars are left it’s fine is dangerous.

Nobody is saying legally there aren’t different levels but like everything there is more complexity than just the black and white of law. The man who has got used to being hit by his wife every time she doesn’t like something he has done could have just as many scars as a woman both mental and physical.

This type of shit is normalised on TV/ movies etc where the woman slaps a man usually simply to demonstrate how ineffectual their rage is.

Yes, it is violent and yes it's unacceptable.

But if this is one of those threads were we are meant to agree that women are just as violent as men and draw a comparison that assumes some sort parity of violence between the sexes then could you just pick up a paper please and tell me how many women have killed their current or ex male this week?

OP I don't think you can get involved in this with his GF unless you're willing for the potential of violence against yourself. She probably will just say it was a stupid drunken mistake but you can't be too careful if she's shown violent tendencies.

Does your son live with you? I'd strongly recommend banning her from your house and discuss things with him instead.

I hope he's ok