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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 15/07/2019 14:24

How much does she charge for childcare?

winniestone37 · 15/07/2019 17:52

so this is really about the fact you have to pay her when SIL didnt? I would wonder the same if it were me too, why don't you ask her? I also get the feeling you just don't like her, hey maybe she's annoying but it does sound like you're getting a good deal. What would you do ill she fell ill as you say you can't afford child care?

Yamayo · 15/07/2019 18:10

I understand the frustration though.

It's not about money, it is about finishing something without telling.
I'm happy for relatives to help themselves to whatever they want to eat, but if you are looking forward to the last biscuit/ice cream/pack of crisps there is nothing more frustrating to find it had gone.
My DH does it with leftovers- it drives me mad.

HappydaysArehere · 15/07/2019 18:11

Honestly, to begrudge the children’s granny a packet of hob nobs! She was probably peckish and baby sitting can be boring once the children are asleep.

I should pay a babysitter and see if you still begrudge granny a packet of hob nobs.

Jeepy · 15/07/2019 18:12

Put a lock on a cupboard or your bedroom and religiously shove everything in there before she comes round. Get cheap biscuits as decoy.

beckywiththecraphair · 15/07/2019 18:13

If you know she likes sweet things and she probably wouldn't buy them for herself then have a few packets of biscuits or some chocolate there for her. Presumably the price of a couple of treats isn't as much as paying someone else for childcare. Lock your financial documents away! It doesn't really matter if she knows what you earn, what's she going to do with that information?!

Chovihano · 15/07/2019 18:15

Why do you pay her when it was free for sil? I'd ask this first.
Then, i'd use childcare rather than trust her to behave herself.

BertrandRussell · 15/07/2019 18:27

“ Get cheap biscuits as decoy.”

Why cheap biscuits?

Some of the mean spirited posts on this thread are staggering!

3dogs2cats · 15/07/2019 18:28

Well I was pleasantly surprised that finally someone’s complaints about their mil were too trivial even for MN but @ Chovihano got past the pettiness of the chocolate biscuits. I despair.

DarlingNikita · 15/07/2019 18:40

Never mind the biscuits and chocolates. Read her the riot act for going through your stuff.

What the fuck is wrong with posters saying to just put private things away or that it's part of the deal?!? Hmm

You don't go through other people's obviously private financial papers, for fuck's sake.

1forAll74 · 15/07/2019 18:42

Going through private documents is not on, and too many chocolate biscuits is bad for her, so just leave some carrot and celery sticks out instead, and then maybe get her a small Kitkat every fortnight.!

IrmaFayLear · 15/07/2019 18:43

The irony that someone has recently started a thread about horrible mils. For every horrible mil there's a dil chuntering about a packet of hobnobs.

BertrandRussell · 15/07/2019 18:44

“Never mind the biscuits and chocolates. Read her the riot act for going through your stuff. ”

Well, the OP seems to think the hob nobs are the most important thing. And it’s pretty difficult to prove that someone’s looked through papers. So you can suspect - but you’d look like a prat if you made a scene and it was consistently denied. So best just put them away.

DarlingNikita · 15/07/2019 18:45

The OP sounds fairly sure she HAS been going through stuff: 'I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance… it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before'.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 15/07/2019 18:54

Were they milk or dark?

Rachelover40 · 15/07/2019 18:57

DarlingNikita Mon 15-Jul-19 18:45:40
The OP sounds fairly sure she HAS been going through stuff: 'I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance… it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before'.

The papers weren't in their usual place though, the op had left them at the top of the stairs. It's not certain that mother had looked through them.

I wouldn't worry about the biscuits but would ask her outright if she had moved or knocked over the papers because it is obviously bugging the op.

plasterboots · 15/07/2019 19:06

Were they milk or dark?

GrinGrin

Ilfie · 15/07/2019 19:11

Crumbs been there, but it was my own mother! Never did anything for me unless I paid her and went through the house whenever she got the chance! She offered to clean my house once a week for payment during previous marriage and we realised she was doing nothing and house was being re-arranged and stuff was going missing- we cancelled the arrangement only to find that we were coming home some days to find the teapot was very hot! - they’d had a key made and were coming over to spend the day at ours..... heating/nicer environment.... then Dad died and we got the total misery.........

1Wanda1 · 15/07/2019 19:17

A packet of chocolate hobnobs costs £1. On that basis, YABVU.

Your MIL going through your private financial docs is her BU. I used to rely on my mum for childcare, for which I paid her a childminder's market rate. I knew she was nosy and particularly fixated on knowing what I earned, so I never ever took any pay slips home. I kept them all in my drawer at work for years. Not ideal but if you know someone is like that, but you need to depend on them, you have to find ways to overcome the issue.

Tinkerbelle57 · 15/07/2019 19:18

I wouldn’t be so concerned about the biscuits, whatever they are. However, I would be furious if someone snooped through my personal papers or possessions. Lock away anything you don’t want people to look at . Either in a cupboard, box or a room.
Tell her “There are some biscuits in the tin there and make yourself a sandwich if you want. There is some nice xxxx in there you may have” boundaries!!! Let her know what is acceptable and what is not.

Mumoflil1 · 15/07/2019 19:22

With childcare costs what they are, I'd replace my own posh chocs and buy another couple of packs of hobnobs whilst thinking about all the money I saved having MIL around! It wouldn't bother me at all.

derxa · 15/07/2019 19:34

posh fucking chocs Angry And saving champagne jam for six months.
It's a different world out there.
I wouldn't thank you for any sort of biscuit but would 'stuff my face' with a whole roast chicken at one go. Some Scotch eggs and sausage rolls wouldn't go amiss either. In fact anything less than a Henry VIII type banquet would not suffice.

Wingingit247 · 15/07/2019 19:38

Why are people so bloody precious about anyone knowing what they earn? What difference does that make to anything? I couldn’t give a flying f*k what anyone knows about me! And begrudging poor granny a bit of treat while she’s round the house?!? F*k sake. A bit of love and kindness wouldn’t go amiss around here!! Jeez. My MIL and my mum would be welcome to anything I have and welcome to read every document I own if it made them happy. You’ll always be able to buy biscuits but people won’t be around for ever, try to appreciate the good stuff while they are instead of sniping about ridiculous shit!!

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/07/2019 19:39

Leave her out some biscuits, she may have real financial problems if she now has to charge and scrounge food

Progged22 · 15/07/2019 19:42

I hate it when people quibble over food .

If you don’t want her service then pay someone else to do it .

Expect someone who admits they are nosy to be nosy !

Don’t be tight over a bunch of biscuits / chocolates . Hiding food is pathetic , and it’s a disgrace a woman cannot eat freely in her own sons house .