MIL stuffing her face at ours

[jamiecooks]

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

Just be kind and let her have what she wants to eat surely? I always say to my parents have whatever you want when they babysit. You sound a bit mean...., and just get organised before and hide your paperwork or anything private.

Eating a special gift food is not ok. Eating whatever you flag as planning to use for dinner that night also not ok. Pretty much anything else is fair game if she is providing you cheap childcare. She would be better off getting a regular paying job.

I think the thread title alone says everything about how you feel about MIL, she probably knows it as well. Hopefully she'll put her rates up soon.

@neoflex let me just get this straight? you used a trusted family member, your husband’s own mother to look after your most precious possession, but you resent paying for her supper?
You put hobnobgate into the shade

It's sad how many women hate their mothers-in-law.

It's funny too because so many of them will be the mother-in-law one day. I wonder if they never think of that.

Also the term 'posh chocs' sounds foolish.

'Posh any-food-thing' TBH.

Hobnobs? Chocolate? Don’t be so petty OP! She is your dh’s MOTHER!

Financial documents, you left them out in the open and now accusing her of looking through them WITHOUT evidence! Just papers popping out could even be the way you put them in!
Would you put up with this kind of behaviour from DH for your parents?

I think you posted before that MIL had rifled through your things in a spare room and opened and eaten the “posh chocs” that were for Christmas?

It's sad how many women hate their mothers-in-law.

in many case, you can understand why, husband's mother and the wife are not related, have a different background, and it can be overwhelming or lead to clash.

Some daughter-in-law are horribly entitled, some MIL too pushy. It's hard to know you can stay really close to your daughter, but you have to really back away from your son.

There’s always the problem of family “rules” differing from family to family. This thread is a good example of this. I expect family to treat my home as they would their own- so for me, and some other posters the hobnob eating wouldn’t even register. For others it’s an enormous deal.

You are being ridiculous. A few chocolates and a packet of biscuits?
You sound terribly mean towards her. The term ‘posh chocs’ sounds exactly the opposite; unless they were Le Livre - but then you’d say.

Leave food out for her. I can’t imagine not saying to a babysitter help yourself to whatever you want.

There are some awful people in the world. Some of them DILs, some MILs. They’re just people. But this thread actually takes the biscuit. Posters agreeing with someone being so mean and begrudging, someone who helps them out and is part of the family. I doubt they’d feel like that if it were their own mum.

Embarrassing.

Yes, when reading mil threads on here I sometimes think it’s NOT a mil or a ‘dh problem’ - it’s a straight up selfish dil problem. It’s YOU love.

This thread is rare in that the OP has been quite bald about expressing her grudge so she has been pasted. Posters are usually better at spin than this.

YABU to say posh chocs. Awful phrasing.

YANBU about the documents but you know her form so keep those under lock and key. Hobnob consumption probably a bit excessive but it seems mean spirited of you to begrudge her those

When I was little granny (dms mil) used to babysit me. It was early 70’s money was tight.

When dps got home granny was a little unsteady on her feet, they later discovered she’d had an entire, previously unopened bottle of gin, left about an inch in the bottle.

Next time she came Christmas was coming up and gin had been replaced for the festive period. Mum hid it upstairs under her bed. No downstairs toilet in those days, cat not allowed upstairs. Granny went to the toilet cat got upstairs, granny obviously then found both cat and gin under the bed. We didn’t see her for a while after that 😂

My MIL goes through my charity bags outside my house (doesn't ask just drives past my house and stops) and recently took my scrap metal for the scrap man.

She isn't poor, she lives in a huge house, owns 3 other houses but just likes to nose and take my stuff.

Just know that it could be worse than a MIL who eats a pack of hobnobs and looks at a financial document that was left on the side.

Me and my husband work opposite shifts so we see each other less but for us it's better than parents watching our baby as they just love to overstep. I once woke up and my MIL had let herself in and was sat on the edge of my bed

To add I did come on mumsnet and she lost her key after the weird bed incident!

You sound cheap. Buy things she wants to eat. A packet of hobnobs is £1.00 so she ate £.50 worth. Honestly sounds like you resent your mil for wanting some child care money. Twice you mention your sil.
Most of us don't have anybody to help with child care. You are lucky.
I do agree she should not be looking at your personal papers.

@ilikepurple that's a nasty thing to suggest specially if you want your child taken care.

To be honest, as a grandmother, she should do it for free.

I get it OP. It's the fact someone who you know invades your privacy and over steps boundaries They've also left a cheeky reminder of rummaging in your cupboards and left the evidence of this.

I would be furious if my MIL went through my finances.

“I get it OP. It's the fact someone who you know invades your privacy and over steps boundaries“

But in my family, hobnobgate would be neither of those things.

Reading the private papers would be - although I bet a significant number of the people on here who are “horrified” by this would be unable to resist. Which is why you should put away anything you don’t want to be seen.

Buy a bunch of packs of biscuits and cheaper chocs. Leave on the kitchen bench with a note for MIL to help herself

Cheaper packet of biscuits than hobnobs?

@BlueJag what has looking at financial documents got to do with childcare? It's not nasty it's telling her you know she's nosey and to butt out!