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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 14/07/2019 14:52

I'm glad it's not just me who detests "posh chocs"...

CaMePlaitPas · 14/07/2019 14:52

Where is the OP? Is she out shopping for replacement hobnobs?

AlaskanOilBaron · 14/07/2019 14:57

I'm glad it's not just me who detests "posh chocs"...

I took this to mean Hershey's Kisses.

MrHaroldFry · 14/07/2019 14:59

Yes, YABVU.
As the song goes, Let It Go! It will eat you up from the inside out.
Buy a few special treats ( her favourites) and store them in a special container called Granny's Treats or whatever. This lets her know you are thinking about her and also means she won't rummage.

Durgasarrow · 14/07/2019 15:01

Are you sure she didb't share with the children?

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 15:11

I'm glad it's not just me who detests "posh chocs"...

Why? they are naice

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/07/2019 15:34

It's not really about the Hobnobs though, is it? The Hobnobs seem important because there is existing tension. If my MIL had snooped in my paperwork, stolen my birthday present and then nicked a packet of biscuits then the biscuits might seem like a huge issue, when without all the previous stuff I wouldn't even think about it. (Actually if my MIL did all that I'd be fucking terrified since she's been dead for 26 years! She did love a Hobnob though.)

I think that if you want to keep the cheap childcare, then you need to pick your battles. Paperwork needs to be locked away at all times and you need to make a safe place to keep food that you don't want to share. But really, let the biscuits go. Free childcare for your SIL but charging you must be galling, but maybe her circumstances have changed, or maybe she felt taken advantage of towards the end and decided never to be anyone's free babysitting service again.

It's really easy to let tensions build up and really petty stuff can seem really, really important, but I'd glad that you seem able to accept that this is what has happened and it's better to have let of steam here than to have exploded at your MIL.

DianaT1969 · 14/07/2019 16:06

I hope that your MIL gives her head a wobble, drops you as a client and starts childminding seriously for others at the market rate. Then she'll be able to afford her own hobnobs.
What she did for your SIL (her daughter) is irrelevant. Perhaps your SIL was a single mum, or had a lower income, or supported your MIL in other ways. Perhaps MIL realised that she can't afford to give away her time for free.

Yesicancancan · 14/07/2019 16:32

Ffs it’s a packet of biscuit !

Iseesheep · 14/07/2019 16:35

Good luck for when your kids turn into teens. The hobnobs won't make it to the bloody cupboard!

Put your private bits and bobs away and be thankful you get free childcare.

shieldmaidenofrohan · 14/07/2019 17:05

I think a lot of this is context. In the OPs defence I throw the following into the ring

  • maybe this packet of hobnobs was the last straw. Maybe last time MIL came she ate a multipack of crisps, the time before a 4 pack of chocolate. Also it’s not as if the stuff was just casually popped in a cupboard - Op clearly states in her post that they were hidden in a tub, in the corner of the cupboard.
  • maybe for the OP those hobnobs are a treat that she was looking forward to. Maybe she, like my friend, lives in the wilds of deepest darkest Devon with the nearest supermarket 20 miles away down windy country lanes and getting another packet of 40p hobnobs would be a right ballache
  • what adult needs to demolish a whole packet of biscuits in 2 hours ??
  • maybe op, like myself, was brought up in a home where you don’t go helping yourself to food. I wouldn’t dream of helping myself to food at my Mum and Dad’s house. It’s taken 14 years of persuading by Mil that I am able to get myself a can of coke without asking - but I still do, out of courtesy.

Not everyone is brought up in a home where food is a free for all. On the plus side OP, you’ve got the MN approval to go to MILs and hunt through her cupboards and help yourself...

shieldmaidenofrohan · 14/07/2019 17:06

SHE DOESN'T GET FREE CHILDCARE !

OrdinarySnowflake · 14/07/2019 17:08

OP - you need to manage it then - you know she'll go routing for nice treat food, so buy cheap stuff and make it easy for her to find.

Buy a biscuit barrel that says 'biscuits' on it in nice big letters and keep on your kitchen surface so she doesn't need to look about. Buy a few packets of own brand chocolate biscuits. Make sure there's a couple in the barrel and another at the front of your cupboard so easy to find without excess searching. Tell her you remembered she liked chocolate biscuits so you've made sure you've got some in, she should feel free to help herself.

Make it easy for her to find cheapish sugar rushes. Her waist size and sugar levels are her business. Accept your childcare costs an extra £1 - 2 on biccies.

shieldmaidenofrohan · 14/07/2019 17:09

OTOH op, I think that if your relationship with MIL has broken down to the extent that you resent her the packet of biscuits then you need to either try and resolve the issues or find someone else to look after your LO

I get the feeling the Hobnobs are symbolic..

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/07/2019 17:19

I think this thread is a guerrilla marketing campaign for HobNobs

AlaskanOilBaron · 14/07/2019 17:35

SHE DOESN'T GET FREE CHILDCARE !

SHE PAYS BELOW MARKET RATES

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 17:37

so basically she is doing a massive favour to the OP, is that what you are trying to say?

SweetNorthernRose · 14/07/2019 17:39

Snooping is snooping, whether it's rifling through personal (private) documents or rooting through food cupboards. That's what would annoy me rather than the biscuits per se (although I would be bloody pissed off if they'd all been eaten!).

KendrickLMAO · 14/07/2019 17:49

I think OP’s MIL is her “B eating
hobnobs Crackers”

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bitch%20Eating%20Crackers

Neoflex · 14/07/2019 17:50

Mil does the same. She sneakily tries all the stuff in my cupboards. Was a bit annoyed last year when I took a jar of fancy champagne jam to a friends birthday brunch to find my mil had secretly opened it 6 months earlier and taken a spoon of it and hidden it back at the end of the cupboard. It was a gift from my husband and I had been saving it for a special occasion.
Last time she babysat we were on holiday in a hotel and she ordered a fruit salad and a load of sandwiches on room service and put it on our bill.
If we go out she always orders the most expensive things on the menu but will still want a slice of my pizza or to dip her bread in my soup.
So be grateful she's just after your hobnobs and next time you know she is coming just get some extra biscuits in. Life is too short to argue over some hobbies.

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2019 18:06

I know this is a bonkers question but this is a bonkers thread. “when I took a jar of fancy champagne jam to a friends birthday brunch to find my mil had secretly opened it 6 months earlier and taken a spoon of it and hidden it back at the end of the cupboard.“ How do you know she did this?

mullyluo · 14/07/2019 18:11

I always gots in lunch/dinner and a treat if she was babysitting, don't know if I'd bother if I was paying her though.

Boysey45 · 14/07/2019 18:12

Whats a posh chocolate exactly?
I'm glad I'm not this MIL, poor sod.

SimonArch1983 · 14/07/2019 18:20

I pulled a trick on my workmate once, I ate all his biscuits and replaced them with brown cardboard circles with biscuit written on them. Maybe employ the same tactic with the MiL

Neoflex · 14/07/2019 18:27

Mil always leaves behind a trail of opened stuff with just one or two bites missing. Most jars get opened but we discover it during or just after the visit. Was definitely her. We don't have other guests who raid our cupboards. While we were on holiday last time too I caught her in the room trying to open a jar of hazelnut paste we wanted to actually take home. Probably wouldn't have screwed it on properly and we would have had a case full of brown goo.