To trust my instinct even though everything seems normal?

[trustmyinstinct]

Been dating this man for a few months now, he's really nice, seems really in to me. Only downside has been he gets very nervous when it comes to sex and a few times he has made a few comments that have made me a bit hmm. He also seen me on my birthday and didn't even bother to get me a card and whenever I cook for him at my house he has never once brought or offered to bring anything. Other than that though, he is consistent, he doesn't leave me wondering, he shows an interest in my life and speaks about the future and I'm very attracted to him.

But there is something inside me niggling at me that I can't quite place my finger on. It's probably been my biggest gut reaction I've ever had to anyone in my life. It is this knot in my stomach when I think about him or about seeing him. Not a nervous knot or butterflies, just this knot and overwhelming dread that something is not right but I have no idea where it's coming from as there's no obvious reason for it. I am meant to be seeing him tonight and again I have this knot of dread, there's something I just don't trust about him and I don't know why and there's never been a reason not to. I honestly can't explain the feeling, even in past relationships where I've been unsure it is nothing like this feeling. It's just pure and utter dread but when I am actually with him I enjoy myself and have a good time.

So AIBU to just trust my gut and get rid of this guy even though there is no apparent reason for my feeling?

Is he a secret gay?

Sounds like too much hard work for an early days relationship.

I mean this kindly: your standards are too low!

You're congratulating yourself that you've found a guy who isn't an overt, total arsehole. There's a lot, however, that's missing here - he's being selfish and stingy, and showing signs of jealousy and unreasonable behaviour. Raise your game, girl, and get someone better! You deserve it!

@Babdoc has it:

OP, what is wrong with your conscious mind?! Why is it only your gut instinct that is screaming “Leave!”?
Can you really not see the huge red flags flapping in your face?!
This chap is just using you. He doesn’t take you out, doesn’t even buy a card, let alone a present, for your birthday, just turns up expecting dinner and sex, and offers nothing in return. All while trying to isolate you from your friends and displaying pathological jealousy.
In what universe can this selfish abusive shit possibly be regarded as a great catch?
Please listen to your instinct. What it’s saying should have been barn door obvious ages ago. Leave!

I am mystified that you would be with him at all; your updates reveal him to be toe-curlingly awful. End. It. Now.

he doesnt expect sex but he doesnt take you out
is he skint?
surely most relationships start by actually going out out?

At a few months in it will be the"honeymoon" part of the relationship, all hearts, flowers and excitement. He will be on his best behaviour trying to impress, so his best is selfish bad sex, not even a card for your birthday, no fun days or dinners out together, marking his territory about what friends you can have. Where can you go from here really, what does bad times look like with this man, what does a bit bored look like with this man? Really just run OP.

Oh for heaven's sake!

You're not dating and this isn't a 'relationship'

I'm not sure what it is, but it's not normal and it's not right.

Dump him.

Have you met any of his friends or family and do you ever go to his place?

If the answer is, "No", he doesn't want you to know too much about him. I'd consider that a red flag - in addition to the other weird things you've mentioned.

if you are not looking forward to seeing him then dont see him

Raise the bar. You deserve better. Any guy who doesn't want to date or woo you, only spend time at your house and only sex for him? No chance. Trust your gut, it's screaming for good reason.

Trust your instincts and finish with him.
Even if they're wrong and there's nothing iffy about him, you'll have only got rid of a stingy jerk anyhow!

"he is consistent, he doesn't leave me wondering, he shows an interest in my life and speaks about the future"

These are very low bars for his good points...

You should be shagging like rabbits at this point in your relationship. He's nervous and mean to boot? It's going nowhere, if he can't even be arsed to bring a bottle or dessert or something.

No, dump him and let your friends know so they can reassure you.

The comment about having guy friends is concerning, and an indication of what the future could bring. He won’t let you have male friends.

Also, you are still in the honeymoon period, so he should be making lots of effort, - birthday cards, meals or trip out, ie courting you (to use an old fashioned term).

Isnthe feeling of dread because you subconsciously know you will only have a nice time providing you don’t antagonise him?

He may be a nice friend, but he’s not relationship material.

ALWAYS trust your instincts, they are there to keep you safe.

Ditch this guy ASAP

I agree with all the others. Drop him - quick.

If you stay in this relationship he'll try to control who you see and when you see them. 'A girlfriend of mine wouldn't have male friends....' really? You'll be justifying the odd pub drink with your male colleagues at this rate or he'll be inviting himself along.

The only knot in your stomach you should feel in any relationship should be one of excitement - not dread.

Trust your instincts.

Always trust your gut instincts. Your instinct is screaming out to you because you are not noticing his bad behaviour on a conscious level.

Women can't have male friends, your friend had better be gay - he"s set out his intent to control your future behaviour.
He doesn't make an effort or take you on dates and is rubbish in bed so likes to receive but not give pleasure.

It doesn't sound like a lovely relationship between equals. I'd dump him now.

You don't need a reason to end an relationship other than simply not wanting to be with someone. You don't need his permission, and you don't have to justify it to anyone.

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. Dread is not a normal feeling!

How can you even think his behaviour is normal, OP? Do you think it might be helpful to work on your own self-trust and -esteem before starting another relationship?

Also definitely raise the bar on how you expect to be treated unless you WANT to be treated poorly.

You are important and deserve to be treated well.

Have you been to his place? Could you be the other woman?

Married?
Have you met his friends or family? Or stayed over in his house?

ALWAYS go with your gut!

Always.