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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

411 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:18

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster Smile

OP posts:
Cheeserton · 11/07/2019 17:59

No they don't 'all' sound terrible, particularly in the context of constant abusive behaviour from the MIL.

Yessers · 11/07/2019 18:04

They really do.

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 18:23

@Yessers

Your late to the party it's already been decided that me and my brother are disrespectful chavs

OP posts:
NameChange9854 · 11/07/2019 18:26

I don't like the thread title either but I don't have any issue with OP, DP or DB's behaviour. Frankly I think they've been patient with MIL.

Sweetpea55 · 11/07/2019 18:30

That's great that DP has found his voice.
I my St wonder d what the relevance is of him driving himself to and from work. Does his mum drive him?

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 18:33

@Sweetpea55
They work in the same hospital but different departments so different buildings. When I was on maternity we only had the one car so she offered to drive DP in so I had the car, which was nice of her and it did make life easier otherwise i would have to drive him in and pick him up. Once I returned to work and we got a 2nd car my DP said he was happy to drive in himself but she said there was no point them both driving to the same place

Since the party DP has been driving himself to work every day

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 11/07/2019 18:45

Gosh I'm so glad that Yessers decided to go to the trouble of sharing that view. Where would we all be without that valuable contribution?

OP, YANBU. I remember your original thread. FFS ask for an audit of your medical records - get it done!

BookwormMe2 · 11/07/2019 18:47

I am agog at some of the reactions on her to OP's brother standing up for her - what, so older people get licence to be as rude as they like just because they've clocked up a few more years? Bollocks to that. And for everyone saying MIL doesn't deserve this - READ THE OTHER THREADS. This woman changed OP's antenatal appointments to suit her own timeframe so she could sit it, badmouths her in front of her child and tells anyone who listens that one day she'll get her DS and DGS to herself. The woman's batshit.
OP, I hope you gold-plate those balls.

LannieDuck · 11/07/2019 18:47

Well done to DP :)

BookwormMe2 · 11/07/2019 18:47

Whoops, lots of typos. Always happens when I'm rant-posting!

howdyalikemenow · 11/07/2019 18:48

I remember your thread op and I'm glad he grew a backbone. My mil was along these lines though nowhere near as bad. Ignore the abuse apologists on here. Attitudes like theirs are why children feel they cannot speak up or speak out against so called authority figures because they are shouted down as rude and told to know their place.

Good on your brother for standing up for you

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 18:54

I agree with the sentiment that children shouldn't be involved in adult conversations I just feel like she brought him into the conversation by saying things in front of him. He wasn't rude or loud he just said that she shouldn't talk about me like that in my house and in-front of children, surely a 14 year old boy should not have to explain to a 60 year old grandmother how to behave appropriately in front of children

OP posts:
howdyalikemenow · 11/07/2019 18:55

I agree too op but in those circumstances he absolutely should've said something!

Blueemeraldagain · 11/07/2019 18:57

As a secondary school teacher in London, I feel that if more teenagers were like the OP’s brother the world would be a better place.

peardrops1 · 11/07/2019 19:01

For those criticising the OP, for the love of god please read her previous posts! SHE HAS SHOWN SAINTLY PATIENCE. SHE IS BASICALLY JESUS.

buttertoasty · 11/07/2019 19:03

Op I'm so pleased for you.

The people giving you grief on here need to read the previous thread. Someone illegally accessing and interfering with your hospital appointments deserves being put in their place, shouting/swearing or otherwise.

Wishing you a peaceful life from here on out!

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2019 19:34

They say men marry women much like their mothers, so if your MIL is batshit, might be worth looking in the mirror...

Mmm, projection.

ANd it warms my heart to hear of her brother defending her against this nasty, nasty woman. Expecting respect on the basis of your age isn't reasonable if you have the manners of a pig under a bed.

IvanaPee · 11/07/2019 19:42

@Howlovely those are some rather bizarre assumptions.

I absolutely stand by what I’ve said.

You along with several other posters have decided apropos of nothing that I subscribe to the “children should be seen and not heard” school of thought.

I never once said or implied that I think that.

There is absolutely nothing concerning about my thoughts around children or anything else.

I said the entire thing is chavvy and it is.

Nobody has actually said why it is that a child felt the need to step in whilst the adults stood in silence.

To be clear - I think a fight involving several family members from different sides, threats, shouting, and name-calling at a one year old’s birthday part is absolutely, categorically chavvy.

I’m not going to change my mind.

And from now on I’m going to ignore the massive and frankly ridiculous projections from posters who feel the need to be overly dramatic and hyperbolic to make a point.

Socksontheradiator · 11/07/2019 19:53

Congratulations OP!
I completely understand how difficult some families can be x

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 19:54

@IvanaPee

I actually did say to her if she has a problem it should be discussed after the party to which she ignored me and turned away which is when my brother spoke up

Then my DP said about letting DS finish playing and gave the baby back to my brother which is when myself, MiL and DP went into kitchen

It wasn't like a room full of adults stood there and watched a 14 year old be rude to an older lady

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 19:56

@IvanaPee

Also I will say AGAIN that myself, my brother or my DP swore, raised our voices or threatened anyone in front of any children or other guests. I did say I'd throw her arse out in private behind a closed door with no audience and my partner did raise his voice at his Mother later after everyone had left including DS

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 11/07/2019 20:09

msmith501

When our daughter was born, my Mum decided to pop into hospital and help herself to the baby who was in a side unit without telling anyone. Got her back nearly five days later with police help.
Oh my goodness! Was she deranged or "just" wicked? I'm glad you managed to get your daughter back and out if your mother's life.

Jamiefraserskilt · 11/07/2019 20:13

Good to hear.
At last.
What right has sil got to butt her beak in? Was she there? No. There are Always two sides and surely she needs to hear both but her mother's immature behaviour seems to have wiped off on sil. A judge would call second hand news, heresay. And that is exactly why heresay is not admissible in court!!!

mbosnz · 11/07/2019 20:15

Nobody has actually said why it is that a child felt the need to step in whilst the adults stood in silence.

Correction. I directly addressed this when you asked the question. He was there, he heard this woman disrespecting his sister in her house, in front of children, and he directly addressed it himself, rather than sitting on his hands and hoping the 'grown-ups' would. He was himself an injured/insulted party, having to listen to this woman sit there and mutter and badmouth his sister, and had every right to assert his wish not to listen to it further.

Myheartbelongsto · 11/07/2019 20:15

Actually, based on your op you don't sound very nice yourself.

Your poor dp!