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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

411 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:18

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster Smile

OP posts:
mbosnz · 11/07/2019 20:21

Read any of the previous threads on MIL's antics? If not, then perhaps you should.

OP has been thoroughly restrained and worked hard at ensuring DP can maintain the relationship with the Monster In Law, at considerable sacrifice to herself in terms of mental health and ( if she were me) her liver.

LakieLady · 11/07/2019 20:26

Your MIL is madder than a box of frogs,OP, and thank god your DP has come to his senses.

Your DB sounds ace. Can I adopt him?

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 20:46

@Myheartbelongsto

I'm not perfect by any means but I think I've put up with a lot more than most women would because I love my DP and I don't want this to break up our family

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 11/07/2019 20:51

Oh my goodness. I have a nearly 14 year old DD. I would not be surprised if she stuck up for her adult sister, I would however be amazed if she managed to do it by being so quietly firm and not shouting or swearing. She, being a young teen, can be rather, um, reactionary, meaning she responds exactly in type. If My eldest DDs MIL had been that mean about my DD (she wouldn't be, she is lovely), my younger DD would have shouted ans sworn. I know she would.

OP, you should be very proud of your brother, and yourself. You should also be proud your DP has finally cut the cord, so to speak!

Your MIL, on the other hand, should be ashamed of herself.

Burpsandrustles · 11/07/2019 20:57

Oh op! Just spent 20 mins reading this! What a result! What a relief for you and for him!

Something that struck me was the... She said it was easier to carry on.

Who was she anyway to decide this!

I'm so glad you've pulled back.

CynthiaRothrock · 11/07/2019 21:22

Ivana exactly how would you have responded to the chain of events

*mil walks in late
*mil removes 1yr old from a game he was playing and demands to let him.open his present now
*mil is quietly asked to drop the subject by adults
*mil then calls op a cow infront of guests

In that situation how would you deal witg this in a "non chavvy" way? Mils behaviour was certainly uncouth. What would you suggest the op did differently?
Teenagers today are being taught mindfulness an resilience which includes speaking out against nasty bullying behaviour, whether from an adult or child. Mil in this case came across as the bully who pushes herself to the centre ro get attention. Why should she not get called out on that? My 8yr old would if said something similar to the ops db (her favourite phrase when dealing with nasty people is "that wasn't very nice, i bet you wouldn't like to be treat like that"). And i would be proud of her for calling out a manipulator and a bully.

Tooner · 11/07/2019 21:22

I can't believe the people saying how horrible you are etc etc and then say they haven't read the full thread and as for the ones who have actually read the thread and still criticise you.......Bloody madness.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, you know what you have had to put up with and it's a lot.

Well done to your brother for speaking up for you. It could have been that which made your DP spring into action and come to the realisation it should have been him sticking up for you.

I hope things going forward are a lot more settled for you.

billybagpuss · 11/07/2019 21:25

I was cheering your DP and DB on during your OP I remember your other threads and it’s about time. Does he have plans to contact her or is he just taking a step back a bit?

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 21:34

@billybagpuss

She called his office today to see if he wanted to join her for lunch and he declined. He has said he needs some space from her but will ring her when he's ready speak again

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 11/07/2019 22:15

Ivanpee Ypur original post certainly stated the 14-year old was wrong to get involved in an adult conversation and to tell of a 60-year old adult-there was no adult conversation then the bitchy MIL was throwing out insults in full view and hearing of the birthday party attendees.

Tentomidnight · 11/07/2019 22:30

Well done to your DH dor establishing boundaries, and to your brother for standing up for you.
My DH had a similar ‘bomb’ moment with his mum when she came out with one too many judgemental comments and although awful at the time, their relationship has been more respectful since, and she has backed right off, which has benefitted the whole family. With a bit of luck it will turn out well for yours too.

howdyalikemenow · 12/07/2019 00:02

Nice flounce there @IvanaPee - don't forget your pearls on your way out!

Grumpelstilskin · 12/07/2019 00:13

@IvanaPee Oh do bore off!

MulticolourMophead · 12/07/2019 08:40

To be clear - I think a fight involving several family members from different sides, threats, shouting, and name-calling at a one year old’s birthday part is absolutely, categorically chavvy.

Maybe it is. But the OP has posted more than once that this isn't what happened. You're the one being silly here.

Weenurse · 12/07/2019 09:11

You have the patience of a saint dealing with DH family. SIL sounds like a real prize, the apple did not fall far from the tree with that one.
Proud of DB and DH.

omione · 12/07/2019 09:34

Bet you and DH both feel better, nobody like a row but sometimesit just has to be done and this sounds like one of them. Dont back down

Burpsandrustles · 12/07/2019 10:04

Op don't waste time and energy on posters who have no idea..

Putting across different pov is one thing but sometimes wave of deliberately Goady posters comes on

littlepaddypaws · 12/07/2019 10:15

good for your dp, it had to be said and sometimes you need a sledge hammer to crack a nut.

LemonPastries · 12/07/2019 10:24

Do people really live like this?

It’s another world Shock

Hoppinggreen · 12/07/2019 11:11

Exactly lemon it’s a world where extremely bad behaviour is normalised as people are exposed to it from an early age so it usually takes an outsider, an extreme event or years of constant abuse until people realise what it is.
It’s a world that thankfully most people never experience and find it hard to believe other people do - hence the nasty posts levelled at OP

Whosorrynow · 12/07/2019 11:15

Regarding extremely bad behaviour and the normalisation thereof, if you google 'high conflict personality' some of the results may give insight, there is some overlap with narcissist sociopath etc

Motoko · 12/07/2019 11:47

Smugness is such an unattractive trait.

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 12/07/2019 11:51

@Motoko

After 5 years of being told I'm not good enough for my DP, after being called a bad mum, after being threatened with social services, after being compared to a woman who killed her children because I wouldn't let my sick son stay out overnight, after having my medical records looked into and my appointments changed and after being blamed for my sons growth restrictions and development delay then if being glad that my DP has finally seen his family for what they are is being smug then damn right yeah I'm being a bit smug

OP posts:
Motoko · 12/07/2019 11:56

I wasn't meaning you @FirstTimeMummyDS88. I was talking about those who were making comments on how chavvy it sounds, or that it's a parallel universe, etc.

I'm completely on your side, I don't know how anyone couldn't be, unless it's because they take delight in being nasty to people.

Motoko · 12/07/2019 11:59

Oh, and I think you really should make a complaint about her accessing your files, changing your appointments, and trying to hold your baby before you did.

For all we know, she might be doing shit like that to other people too.