To want to return all my ungrateful child's bday gifts

[SpaSushi]

So child's birthday today ( 10) When asked recently about what wanted listed money /vouchers ( to spend on games stuff) and then at a shop begged for particular items of clothing.

sorted out other family members to get the clothes and vouchers. I didn't want to get more money/ vouchers so thought with holidays around the corner i would get tickets for a day at Legoland. We've been once-before many years ago and both children have asked a few times about going back. Winner idea, i thought.

So we lay out all the cards and gifts this evening.
First gift: 'what's this? Paper? My favourite' (sarcastic tone) - its an amazon gift voucher

Second gift- ( clothing item wanted) child ' is this just xxx?'

Third gift (clothing, not a requested item) ' I've already got that exact one from another relative '

Fourth gift ( mine, I'm waiting for happiness to burst forth) 'whats this?' Me: 'read it' ; child reads it ' you've got a gift for you and sibling, not just me'. Me: ' you cant go to Legoland yourself!?' At this point i am so upset, i lose it with child and rant about ungratefulness.

Still has last present from sibling- clothing item specifically requested, opens it and doesn't say anything. No thank you, nothing.

AIBU to want to take the whole lot back?. I am so upset , i get sometimes you get gifts you don't like but all bar two things were asked for. this is just shit attitude. For context child had a meltdown at Xmas over the gifts santa brought- including a requested item and filler items. To cap it off child is now simpering loud crocodile tears in their room and giving me evil looks for telling them off after throwing some surly thank yous at me and sibling.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

@MindfulBear

Your response has made me question my initial post. I hope I'm as wise as you when my DS reaches 10 :)
I have an extreme fear of opening presents in front of people!

@RLOU30 the stress of celebrations causes so much angst, doesn't it?
My parents used to completely over do Christmas. It was exhausting. I dreaded it. The best christmases were where we received barely anything (in comparison!!) but went away.

I try to bear that in mine these days.

Less is more. Fewer people too!!!!!!

What a spoilt brat, i agree, take all the gifts back and put a stop to this entitled ungrateful attitude.

Being over tired is an excuse at 3. At 10, if there are no additional needs, it is not an excuse.
That

I'd have a conversation with her about how she thinks the people who love her feel, when they try to do something nice for her and she says such cruel things. Does she show any enthusiasm when buying gifts for others? Does she show empathy in other situations?

Yes! My parents used to do this too there was no floor within meters of the tree. Barely had time to say thanks before I got handed the next thing.
This seems like a silly thing to moan about but maybe that's why I still hate it!

Ok I’m putting myself in ten year old me’s shoes.
Although your child wanting vouchers and clothes - those are the things parents just buy (the clothes especially)*
I hated getting clothes as a gift I just hoped my parents would buy me a t shirt in my preferred brand/character (they never did btw 😂😂) but at ten it’s not an interesting gift.

The amazon gift and the remark about paper - they clearly didn’t understand what the gift was, that’s frustrating because they’re thinking “wtf is this a coupon for a hug or something??” When you’re standing there thinking “just read the effing thing and go use it to buy what you want you ungrateful Maggot!”

The Clothes being identical to one they already had - that’s unfortunate.

The legoland trip- again this is something they were clearly expecting to just happen - a family day out not something specifically for their birthday that shared. Maybe a lego set (if they are actually into it ) would’ve made it more interesting.

Overall it sounds like the child was expecting something more exciting- what that is I don’t know - they might not even know themselves
It’s not your fault but 10 is a funny age - deemed too old for toys but too young to really appreciate clothes and vouchers even though that’s that they think they want

I wouldn’t take away the gifts but I would have a word about being grateful etc . That said I think family outings are not good presents for birthdays , they are ok for joint Christmas presents and 10 is really right at the top of the age range for Legoland .

Yes,agree,he needs to learn some manners.
Also agree with pp that buying a ticket for the family as his present wasn't very fair.

I would say do a daytrip for the family for the siblings birthday gift as well to make it fair.
The behaviour was a response, the wrong response but they obviously didn’t know any better.

I think you need to teach him some manners, as you seem to be finding plenty of excuses to excuse his appalling behaviour.
Fwiw, I think a trip to Legoland is a bit too "young" for a 10 year old, so I would probably try and replace that with something more age appropriate. And remember to arrange a siblings trip as the main present when it is the younger sibling's birthday.

Does he watch a lot of YouTube at all, OP? Is he maybe emulating how YouTubers present their PR gift “hauls”? The sarcastic remarks, and the “what’s this?” repetitions struck me as being a bit of a performance.

Sounds like a totally spoiled brat.

I’d return everything and donate the money to a charity for children less fortunate.

All privileges would be removed (TV, mobile phone etc) until he learned some respect which he can earn back by doing chores.

I am confused. Are you the parent?
Why gifts at night- so they had to wait all day?
The voucher and clothes were from other family members?
The trip to legoland for the family was their only gift from their parent/s? Or are you an aunt/similar?

I think you were expecting too much for a day trip to Lego. Too young for him and I can see he thought it was a present for you and sibling, not just him.

For the rest, he sounds ungrateful but there’ll be a reason why. Over tiredness, didn’t really articulate what he wanted, realising he can’t have everything he wants. I’d have a chat with him when you’re all calmer. He’s kind of in that in between age where they get too old for toys but don’t realise the value of vouchers and clothes.

No excuse for ungratefulness but I think I might have been a little disappointed with a joint legoland trip at 10, although the reaction is unacceptable especially considering it happened at xmas too.

I do get where the child is coming from with the legoland trip- the sibling has also got the same ‘present’ and it’s not even their birthday. Do fair point on that one, especially if they were expecting a trip anyway.
The other comments are ungrateful though and I would be having stern words.

I used to hate when my parents asked what I wanted (the clothes/vouchers/computer stuff) then bought me something I didn't want (Legoland). Why ask if you're not going to buy it? Although I acted grateful tbf. Also, a day out that my sibling also got did not make me feel special on my birthday.

lol, so glad I don’t have kids.

I think a lot of adults are very invested in the idea of a child responding with absolute rapture to any gift, and when that doesn't happen, the situation can escalate to the point where everyone is uncomfortable.
I had to be gently-firm with the rest of the family even from DS being quite little: being given lots of presents would overwhelm him to the point of distress.
Also, despite armchair diagnosis being a general Bad Thing, 10 is an age where a kid who's being 'difficult' might be showing more clearly some indicators of ASD.

Also does child know you got the family to buy him (just realised I am using he when it could be a she!) the presents he wanted? From his POV, everyone else got him what he wanted whilst you got him legoland trip. Which he has to share so it’s not really a present for him.

But you could say that about anything!

I want a weekend away for my birthday, is it fair my DH comes too? What about meals out or parties, doesn’t everyone else get the same treat?

I’m horrified at the number of posters saying “he’s only 10”! My DS1 got a family trip somewhere for his 10th birthday and was delighted - but then we’ve taught him manners about gifts from day one. They both know they never tell a gift giver they already have something and they say thank you regardless of the gift!

FFS, this is just basic manners. I’ve had lots of gifts in my time that have been disappointing/unwanted/duplicates but I was brought up to be grateful.

Time to start gratitude lessons OP and fast.

I did this once at about the same age with a Christmas present. I had to give it back with an apology. I never did it again.

Even if he's disappointed he needs to learn to be polite. He's more than old enough to know better.

Oh dear, how ungrateful - not to mention downright rude, and I think I'd be pretty annoyed too.

I would be giving them a monumental bollocking and confiscating it all, and I'd expect a genuinely contrite apology (plus thank-you notes to be written) before even considering giving them back.

I would also sit down with them and ask exactly why they were so disappointed in their presents, especially when some were specifically asked for, and a lot of thought had gone into choosing the others, especially the Legoland trip. I'd also be giving a lesson in good manners, and how to be polite when receiving gifts, even if you don't like them much.

Did they get the money that they asked for?