To want my non-local friend to stay for the evening at my wedding?

[allthewaytorenooo]

Actual geographical locations changed but distances roughly correct.

I'm not a bridezilla but genuinely feeling hurt by this from one of my oldest and closest friends so asking if AIBU as I'd honestly like to feel better about it!

Friend lives in Wales, I live in Buckinghamshire and am getting married in Sussex, where my family all live.

Friend is invited to the whole wedding, has RSVPd she's coming. Wedding is at 3, food around 5.30.

She's just emailed me to confirm times etc re: eating and has responded "great, I'm going to see a show in London that evening so good we'll have finished eating by 7."

So it turns out she's going to travel to my wedding, and yes I know the important bit is the ceremony...then she's going to leave right after the speeches to go and see a show in London as it's convenent for her having tavelled all that way across.

I just, well, I just thought she'd come to the whole thing and it has hurt me that she doesn't want to be there for it. I know weddings are boring etc but we have lots of mutual friends and she's basically missing the fun party bit.

Is this normal? She didn't already have tickets for something, she's literally going to book them as it's convenient.

Hubby

Yes family are moaning we're getting married in Cardiff to accommodate people taking public transport from London etc and not out in the sticks up on a hill that no one can get to by car.

that no one can get to without a car that should have read...So lots of my London friends are coming by train so it's in an accessible location. But family who will have to drive for 25 mins from their Welsh towns are not happy about this.

I give up.

You could always threaten to have it in London instead, maybe the Welsh contingent would pipe down then

Wowww that's so bad! London to Wales isn't far I did that trip most weekends. Is is being very unreasonable!

I'm from wales and got married in the Gower in Swansea. Guests coming from all over the works and the UK didn't complain about the trip. The people from wales did! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Is the show only on in Bristol? If not, I don't believe for a minute that she'd already booked tickets. That would be one hell of a coincidence. Why wouldn't she have booked for a venue closer to home? This is why she is doing fuck all to try and change the plan, because this is the plan.

Sorry I'm another who hasn't read it all just bits. I'll stop posting now!

That is okay and I am sorry as well, I did not see your update before I responded.

Your friendship is important but your wedding is also important as you only get married once. If your friendship was important to her then she would be there all day no question about it.

How do you feel about spending £300 for her to leave early? No matter the friendship I could not handle that at all. If you and your partner are happy with that then that's fine if you not ask her to attend the ceremony. Weddings are so ££££!

I would suggest you meet face to face and make clear to her how important it is she attend your full wedding day. But if you buy tickets, work around her needs on YOUR wedding day then you are just being a bit of a door matt. Sorry, do not mean to sound harsh! I come in peace. I am just saying, she should be going above and beyond for you and then you do the same when it's her wedding day.

Weddings are stressful! Your nearest and dearest should be reducing that stress not adding to it. I really hope you get this sorted but I am sure your day will be amazing.

Hold up. I just meant I wouldn't stay for the evening party, bad wording on my part.

But I would be upfront with it and not book theatre tickets. I do think she is in the wrong.

Thanks for all your responses - fistbump nothingtowear, just me then!

Irony is that we don't live in wales and will have to travel quite far, too, but as majority of guests live there and we have not lived long here the only other realistic option was London which we could afford but would cost £££ for guest accommodation etc...

I am increasingly seeing the coincidence in the show being in Bristol. She DOES have family in Bristol we still stay with but it does seem odd that she booked to see it there and not in London which is far more local and she can go home in a day after.

I have no idea what's going on.

Would happily cancel the whole bollocking lot and fly to Vegas the way I feel right now.

I'm sorry op. I had this too. A friend brought a friend as a plus one and left after the food to go clubbing as I lived in a big city and it was a good opportunity for a night out.

not just me then

I am increasingly seeing the coincidence in the show being in Bristol. She DOES have family in Bristol we still stay with but it does seem odd that she booked to see it there and not in London which is far more local and she can go home in a day after.

OP, there is zero chance she had already booked the tickets just down the road from your wedding (and four hours away from her home), on the exact same day as your wedding. No chance at all. She booked the tickets after she received your invitation. I’m not sure why she’s lying about it, but she is.

"A friend brought a friend as a plus one and left after the food to go clubbing as I lived in a big city and it was a good opportunity for a night out."

And I agree with Sashkin.

So OP, are you going to cancel their meal at least? Save yourself £150!

You have my sympathies OP. I just found out today my sister seems to be doing a 'drive-by' at my wedding while I've friends flying in from all over the place. What does future husband think?

Does she know anyone else at the wedding? I can understand that if she doesn't that a convenient excuse for not staying past the important bit might be attractive. It can be really tedious if you only know the b&g.

I'm not worried that the wedding day will be affected by her not being there. It's what it says about our friendship that upsets me, not the day itself

I think that's a fairly crucial piece of information about your perspective on this OP! Am not sure why you didn't put it in your first post to avoid dozens of replies focussing on the wedding day issue. What it says about your friendship is that she doesn't give as much of a shit about being there for you as you give about her being there for you. She hardly seems bothered about putting you first on such an important occasion from all that you've said. Surely this has to reflect on the quality of your friendship overall?

I don't think it's anything to do with her civil partnership ceremony. She must know that most weddings don't happen because of someone's immigration status.

MrsCollinssettled
OP said mutual friends will be there.

"I think that's a fairly crucial piece of information about your perspective on this OP! Am not sure why you didn't put it in your first post to avoid dozens of replies focussing on the wedding day issue."

Laudersyme I tried to cover that sentiment at the very start of my OP:

"I'm not a bridezilla but genuinely feeling hurt by this from one of my oldest and closest friends so asking if AIBU as I'd honestly like to feel better about it!"

This seems to be an assumption on your part that brides only care about some kind of 'perfect day' I'm not sure why you required me to dissuade you of your assumption that wasn't based on anything I'd said?!

Yes, plenty of mutual friends there, many of whom she's been on nights out with before. It's really not anything out of the ordinary or uncomfortable for her.

She is being a cow. I’d cancel her meals.

I'm sorry OP, bang to rights, you did put that in at the beginning. It's just that pretty much all of us answered with regards to the wedding itself as well as validating your hurt feelings about your friend. I guess for most of us, our focus wasn't entirely in the same place as yours. I really wasn't assuming some kind of bridezilla-ness on your part, I promise!

Just breath
Let it go.
It’s not worth it.

You just sometimes learn who your friends are. You’ll find this at every stage in your life, and she’ll probably work it out at some point. Sadly too late.

It seems that everyone is going at you, and that exacerbates it all, for them it’s one little thing that isn’t that important and annoys them , for you it’s a deluge.

Be honest. Say I feel sad. Don’t be English about it.

Don’t be English about it

Isn’t OP Welsh?