That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

[Luxplus]

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl?
What the heck do I answer back to that?

Oh and forgot to mention potato waffles, hash browns, crumpets, coop jam and custard donuts, skittles...all vegan.

There is no need to buy special vegan food imo. It's just making things more complicated than it needs to be.

start as meen to go on-"the girls had a great time.if you wanna be a weird cnut bout ffood,please provide in eco containers with fuckwit instructions.i'll swap you for tips on manners "

@Flower777, may I ask what is "wrong" with garlic? (other than a taste some peopke don't like)

@arranbubonicplague I have an intolerance to nightshades and I'd cry if garlic was one!

I had no idea people avoided them just because though, guess it's along the lines of people who have no reaction to gluten but have just heard that it's bad

If I were the cynical sort I'd say it sounds like she was trying to catch you out.

Yep, that's exactly what I thought - I must be the cynical sort, then

I think she deliberately targeted you (and has probably done it to many others) and set you up to fail on purpose. That's why the play date ended up being at your house.

Her twin hobbies are performance-parenting and performance-veganning. When parents ask if her DD has any dietary requirements, if she replies in good time, like any normal person (with her preferences) would, that the girl is a vegan who only eats whole foods, this gives you the chance to accommodate her requirements, all good and deprives her of any attention and ability to point-score.

I think her (and her husband's) game plan was/is to deliberately put their DD in the position where an unsuspecting parent will feed her ordinary food and then throw their hands up in horror. "I said she likes FOOD - how could you possibly consider anything with animal products in it or that's been processed as actual food?!" In the same way as most normal people, if asked if there are any games their children particularly don't like, wouldn't dream of saying 'playing in the middle of the motorway' as they'd take it as a given.

I agree that there may also be an element of control in that she sees play-dates as free childcare and knows that her DD will gladly go on them without a fuss, because she knows she'll get normal food she'll like that her parents don't let her have at home.

She knows exactly what she's doing - she did from the very first conversation about the play date. Definitely turn it back on her with the earlier PPs' suggestions ("When I asked about dietary requirements and you said 'None', you actually meant ' Vegan and Wholefoods only' - you need to work on communicating better, especially with such limited preferences.")

She'll still brazen it out and pretend that she would never have expected you to consider anything else as proper food, to which I'd just non-maliciously point out that it's you and 99.9% of other parents - and even most of the rest of the 0.1% would be sensible and non-scene-making enough to simply mention it beforehand.

@arranbubonicplague

For several decades now, I've had to bite my lip when people refuse a dish and say, "Oh, I didn't think anybody still ate nightshades". (Garlic isn't a nightshade but the fructans content leads some people to think it is.) Which means no potato, aubergine, tomatoes, peppers etc. etc

What sort of absolute lunatics do you know that more than one person has said that to you?!

Bloody hell😱 YADNBU, they are being ridiculous

My DD was vegetarian, had soy & cochineal allergies at this age (grew out of) & was lactose intolerant, couldn't eat processed food due to intolerances to various food additives & artificial sweeteners, so we knew that she (& us) are a PITA for the average person to feed.

I'd always say from the off & let them know that I'd give her a packed lunch to bring along as I understand it's a pain to feed her

They were bang out of order & probably judgey. I know those sorts, they are so evangelical about their diet choices, that look down their nose at the mere plebs who eat processed food, & more than a bit nuts.

We all avoid processed foods, but unless there's allergies, in which case the DM was negligent to not let you know, now & again isn't going to harm. They should have been grateful you'd provided a vegan meal at such short notice. Incredibly rude!!

I hope they aren't against supplements fir their DD too, a vegan diet is not healthy for a DC. B12 deficiency is very serious & kids need more, but there is non in vegan food unless it's fortified- eg processed!! Poor kid ☹️

Tell the mum that her escalating superiority based on moral oneupmanship around food screams low self-esteem and you’re concerned she’ll pass that burden on to her kids. If you can fit in HTH somewhere, all the better.

Not sure what you wrote in the first text, inferring from the reply it included an apology which I wouldn't have given. Would text tomorrow to say that to save future confusion or issues she is welcome anytime with a packed lunch to ensure she is fed in a way you're comfortable with, as the meal provided is about standard of what to expect and I wouldn't want you being uncomfortable with the choices I make in my house for my family. She sounds like a twat if she's going to send you an approved meal list, feck that.

And what's wrong with garlic?!

Thanks for that @HugsAreMyDrugs I was just thinking that the mum sounds like someone who would expect fancy vegan food for her child, not just beans on toast!

Love stripeysocks7s reply! Definitely would not be a next time if I was you!

Just read the thread entirely and that mother is beyond rude! If you want to be very kind you could text back. No you will need to provide food for your daughter if she comes here again. Or if you want to tell her what she deserves tell her she is a brazen, rude idiot with entitlement issues and her daughter won’t be coming again. Unbelievable!!

Imagine a life without garlic. I put down out extreme robust good health to the amount of garlic we consume around here.

Text back "Oh, you're so funny! 😂"

Then block her. No child is worth this much hassle.

What weird, rude people. I wouldn't bother with them anymore.

In my house we have virtually no processed food. I make almost everything from scratch - we even keep our own chickens, grow our own veggies, we have bees, all of our baked goods are made by me incl bread, I make pasta from scratch etc. There's a real "Good Life" vibe going on at my place. So it's very rare that we eat anything out of a packet.

However, if my children are going to someone else's house for a playdate I don't really give a shit what they eat, as long as it isn't magic mushrooms with a whisky chaser. Give them all the processed food you like, I don't care. It's a one off, they're having fun and it's not my house. I'm just grateful that another parent has taken the time out to look after my child for a while, and been kind enough to feed them. If there was an allergy or they didn't eat meat then I would let the parent know as soon as the playdate was suggested, so that they could prepare for that, and if it seemed to be a problem I'd send my kids with their own food.

I'd honestly just stay away from these parents, they sound unpleasant and I don't think they really want to be friendly. They've been intentionally antagonistic.

God how rude! I know you say the girl is lovely, but seriously there are lots of lovely girls your daughter can have play dates with who don't have batshit crazy parents.

Tell her to send her with a pack lunch next time, what a pompous idiot she sounds

@tolerable

Agree with @saraclara

Text It would be more practical for you to send her with a packed lunch should there be any future playdates.

She's a rude arse. YANBU. (except for 'ect' instead of 'etc' - every bloody thread has this on MN! )

Wow but op look on the bright side she is so outrageous you now have an amusing anecdote

As a teen I looked after some kids from a boho type family who had a bonkers restricted diet no this no that etc not for allergy reasons the mum just alternative. They were thin pale and snotty and the eldest ended up being a drug dealer.

‘Little Lux would like a play date at yours. She only eats the finest lobster and caviar and it had to be bought from Harrods. Can you text me the menu?’

Ffs, fancy inviting your dc over and then being stupid enough not to mention dietary requirements even though you asked. The woman’s an idiot! Poor kid.

I actually thought after I posted that there’s no way this thread is real. No one would send something as awful as that second text, but no it’s a genuine, real poster.

People really are that crazy.