That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

[Luxplus]

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl?
What the heck do I answer back to that?

I would reply as suggested by calmdownjanet and never invite the child again, as nice as the child is they are in nursery and presumably she's starting school in another year or so where she will have plenty of time to make new friendships. I couldn't be arsed with that level of rudeness, cheeky cow.

Or …

Thanks. I will send a list of DD's dietary requirements over for the return favour.

I would just text back “I’ll bear that in mind” and then either never have the child over again OR tell the mum to send a packed tea. It’s the least she can do as that wasn’t really a play date (where you pick the date and time and issue an invitation) it was more childminding.

Wow, that is very rude.

I like calmdownjanet 's reply.

If you want to be an edge more polite you could say "I have found your comments on my food very rude. If we decide to have x for a play date again we will avoid meal times, or you can provide food you are happy for her to eat."

That wasn’t a play date, you were told you were childminding.....but to then be this effing rude afterwards!!! Cut them off!!!

Someone once told me their kid was vegetarian when picking them up after a party.

In your shoes OP, there wouldn't be a next time.

@IAmNotAWitch did they imagine the host being a mindreader

I'd actually just ignore them and give her chips and veggie burgers every time she came over...

The mother is totally being U, I wouldn't be making a special effort for a child at all.

Just text back "Sorry I won't to cater to those demands, she is happy to come back but next time she comes round I will just offer healthy non vegan snacks such as carrot sticks etc or you can bring a packed lunch"

Isn't vegan food expensive anyway? I am on a limited income and whilst I would try and make an effort, I would not waste time / money on fancy food for a pre schooler.

text her back and say "next time will be at yours - right? dd genuinely does eat everything but we do expect her to have some animal protein at each meal. I can text you places to shop if you like"

I was running a brownie activity and had one Muslim who couldn't eat gelatine, one was a vegan and one child gluten free.
We had planned to make smores. (Had planned suitable alternatives for them)
All three children insisted they were allowed to eat the smores.

Rang the parents to check.

"Oh yes, vegan child can eat the marshmallows"
"Even though they have gelatine in them?"
"Oh yes, she's fine to eat that! She can also have milk chocolate!"

Muslim parents said "yes" to marshmallows too.

And gluten free parent said "oh, its fine she can have biscuits..."

I’d be tempted to text something like “I think you’re getting host And guest mixed up. The guest is the one who graciously thanks the host or hostess for their time, trouble and food. No matter what it was like ..the host, being the one doing the work, gets the privilege of choosing the terms on which to entertain ..”
Is English their first language? Is there any chance they’re being so blunt because they’re struggling with the subtleties of a second language?
I’m just lAstonished that anyone imagines they could lay down the the terms under which which they or their offspring were entertained. Unbelievable.

Don’t let her use you, OP. It happens.

The mother is batshit. And I suspect it's a control thing more than a diet thing - after all, if she makes ridiculous demands then her DD will never get another invite, and the mother keeps the DD away from any social influences while simultaneously moaning that everyone else is so mean to her.

This woman sounds like a complete and utter CF.

Reply tomorrow and that you will not be going to special shops to cater for playdates and would appreciate it if she could send her daughter with food in the future.

Can't get over the cheek of it.

Dunno, no idea what the kid ate. Was one of those adventure party packages where there was a host etc. I sat outside in the cafe with a friend.

There were veggie options in the spread so if the kid knew they were veggie it should have been fine.

Not my problem. Happy to cater appropriately but if you don't tell people you can't expect anything.

I imagine the poor kid only ever goes anywhere once.

As an aside, you can get vegan 'chicken' nuggets, 'fish' fingers, sausages.... it's amazing

**

😂😂😂

Years and years ago, before I had DC, DH’s MBA study partner came over to study one evening. He unexpectedly had his DC with him (unexpected for me, I imagine he knew that they were with him). They were hungry so I rummaged in the freezer and fed them fish fingers and potato waffles. I checked with their dad that they would like them because they were quite young and seemed unsure themselves whether they would like them or not. Their mum, who had been working late, came to pick everyone up. She was lovely, asked them if they were hungry, so I told her what they had eaten. It turned out that they were vegetarian. I apologised and said I had checked with the dad before feeding them. She said it was absolutely fine and no harm done, but I got the strong impression that the dad was about to get a telling off.

I disagree with those who say 'don't invite the girl again'. Why should the kid suffer because of her batshit mother? Also OP's daughter doesn't get to have her friend over.

I'd simply respond "I think it would make much more practical if you sent X with a packed meal"

quite a number of vegans wouldn’t come because their kids aren’t allowed refined sugar.

A family friend recently asked us to bake cake/biscuits/bread and to bring a dish to his birthday celebration - all items had to be vegan, gluten-free, and sugar free (which I took to be free of refined sugar). By the time I'd bought all of the specialist flours, and experimented with various vegan baking blocks etc., it would have been cheaper (and I'd have felt safer on the cross-contamination front for the GF people) buying from specialists.

I like a challenge but at scant notice it feels difficult to meet multiple deal-breakers when it comes to people's dietary needs.

@chipsnmayo

Depends on what you mean by 'vegan food'. .

Food which is specifically marketed towards vegans tends to be on the expensive side, yes but normal food which just happens to be vegan tends to be cheap e.g Vegetables, beans, rice, pasta, etc.

You don't need to buy special vegan treats either. Lots of biscuits are accidentally vegan e.g Oreos, bourbons, party rings, etc. Lots of crisps, pot noodles, chips, etc are vegan.

I do wonder what people think vegan food is or what they think vegans eat when people claim it's expensive .

I once showed up to a La Leche League pot luck lunch with a homemade apple cake and some home made houmous because I knew they were all vegan. They wouldn’t eat the apple cake because of the sugar and wouldn’t eat the houmous because of the garlic. I was really fucked off and never went back.

wouldn’t eat the houmous because of the garlic

For several decades now, I've had to bite my lip when people refuse a dish and say, "Oh, I didn't think anybody still ate nightshades". (Garlic isn't a nightshade but the fructans content leads some people to think it is.) Which means no potato, aubergine, tomatoes, peppers etc. etc.

Wow, the family sounds rude.

As a vegan I want to point out that we aren't all rude! I don't think the two are related.

My children are veggie, but will eat anything (veggie) at playdates. They are normally given pasta or pizza and that's fine with me!

I wouldn't bother making a big effort at playdates. Pizza from the freezer goes down a treat.

If you want to do another playdate with this child then ask them to send a pack lunch (but honestly, I'm not sure you should bother)