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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that asking if you can go head with just a few items in the checkout queue is fine?

256 replies

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 16:44

Following on from another thread, I'm really surprised to find that people think that asking someone with a full trolley if you can nip ahead of them with your 3 items is 'incredibly rude'.

I've had people ask me this and I've let them go ahead no bother.

Sometimes I can see they've only got a few things so I ask them if they want to go ahead as I'll be ages and I'm not in a hurry.

And sometimes I've been the one asking if I could just pay for my pint of milk ahead of their 275 items - and it's never been a problem.

So (and I hope I phrase this right for the voting buttons!) AIBU to think it's fine to ask if you can queue jump someone with a full trolley when you just have a couple of things?

OP posts:
bengalcat · 09/07/2019 22:12

I would have no problem with someone asking and I’d make an on the spot decision as to whether their reason and need to go ahead of me trumped my own desires . Not rude at all to ask but i think as others have hinted at one should ask in hope not expectation .

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 09/07/2019 22:13

I always offer, have never been asked, and wouldn’t dream of asking.

Samz25 · 09/07/2019 22:20

I hate it when you are glared at by people waiting for you to let them push in. Use self serve or the Express till!

Downunderduchess · 09/07/2019 22:21

When asked I usually direct them to the express checkout, that's what it's there for. I have had mixed reactions to it, one person was terribly offended I wouldn't agree to them essentially pushing in ahead of everyone else in my line & got aggressive.

MrsMiggins37 · 09/07/2019 22:27

I wouldn’t ask but I do think it’s rude when people don’t offer especially when they’re still putting all their week’s worth of shopping up on the belt when you could have been in and out with your 3 items while they were still unloading their trolley. I definitely do find it bad manners.

I always let people in front of me in Aldi if I’m doing a big shop and they only have a few items.

Sometimes I wish we were more like France where they just tell you to go in front of the person with the full trolley who’s still unloading.

MrsMiggins37 · 09/07/2019 22:33

Surely the checkout person starts scanning your items whilst you're still unloading the trolley so I don't understand the "I'll be done by the time the person in front has finished unloading" argument at all.

They certainly don’t in Lidl/Aldi because they need the trolley to throw put the stuff into as there’s not the space at the ends of the checkout for the shopping to accumulate once it’s been scanned

Littlejets · 09/07/2019 22:33

What a selfish society we live in!!

MaryShelley1818 · 09/07/2019 22:36

I’ve never had anyone ask and never asked myself - I think that’s really cheeky.
However I always offer and have had people do the same for me.

PCohle · 09/07/2019 22:43

*59% think it’s unreasonable to ask against 41% who don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask.

Personally, I’m not persuaded to think there’s anything wrong with asking so I’ll carry on not getting annoyed if anyone does.*

What's the point in asking AIBU if you're going to ignore the response even when, thanks to the poll option, it's in black and bloody white?

MrsMiggins37 · 09/07/2019 22:47

I must admit that although I would find it a wee bit cheeky to be asked, I can’t possibly see how asking is “incredibly rude”, unless they also mooned at me and called me a cunt while asking Grin

origamiunicorn · 09/07/2019 23:23

What a selfish society we live in!!

Yes you're right, it's definitely selfish to barge infront of someone else and plop your couple items down on the conveyor belt. Very entitled if you ask me. Grin

themmatricc · 09/07/2019 23:24

yeah its rude no question.

LouLouLoupee · 09/07/2019 23:30

This is an interesting example of how you can’t control what others do, only how you react to what they do.

I don’t ask because of some inflated self importance or because I’m entitled or incredibly rude, I am none of those things. I ask because I hate supermarkets, and have various mental health issues and generally try and get out ASAP to keep my anxiety to a minimum. So if I only have a couple of items, I will ask on the off chance the person in front isn’t bothered. It can potentially save hours of me trying to get the anxiety control which fair ruins a day when you just needed to buy milk!
And yes I do normally get shopping delivered, but sometimes I need to pick up bits and pieces.

LadyWithLapdog · 09/07/2019 23:43

I would use a smaller co-op, garage and so on for just a few items. More likely to get through quicker. Go ahead and ask and people will grumble inside and let you go ahead. Be prepared for someone to snap, something shit might have happened in their own day, and this can set you back. Mostly though I think you’ll have no trouble.

echt · 09/07/2019 23:47

I've noticed in Australia that no-one asks to go ahead, but people do offer. Not to derail, but I unthinkingly busted queue etiquette when I first came here when a new checkout opening was announced. I just pulled out of the queue and walked over. The looks and comments I got!! The rule was that you politely allow the one who has been waiting longest to go to the new queue. This rule has now died the death.

Weathermonger · 10/07/2019 00:07

Just yesterday a man was stood behind me at the check out. I had a few items, he had just one. I motioned for him to go ahead, he immediately waved to whom I assume was his wife (who hadn't entered the queue at that point) and she barrelled past with a basket full of items. I was so taken aback, I didn't say anything. On top of that, neither had the courtesy to acknowledge me or say thank you. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.

Femodene · 10/07/2019 00:12

Asking is rude because you know rightly that most people will feel awkward, caught off guard and be put on the spot, it’s entitled to ask, just queue up, ffs. I would easily say ‘no.’ but many people wouldn’t feel confident enough. No one owes you anything, don’t ask favours of strangers, let people go about their day without asking to delay them or making any demands of them, if this is something you’re incapable of, just do online shopping.

EyeDrops · 10/07/2019 00:14

Our local Aldi doesn't have an express or self-service checkout. I have asked once - I had two items, and a couple were just starting to unpack an entire trolley load. It took seconds for me to go through, rather than the several minutes I'd have been waiting behind them. I was in a hurry, can't remember why, but wouldn't have minded at all if they said no.

I wouldn't normally ask, but I don't think it's as clear cut as some are making out!

darkriver19886 · 10/07/2019 00:16

I never ask! I find people do offer as a rule though.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 10/07/2019 00:29

I have asked once or twice before (when in a massive hurry and behind someone with a massive shop- not because I think I am somehow more important!) and always offer. It only really comes up when Im in Aldi or Lidl due to the checkouts.

I dont mind as Im generally in there doing a big shop so have tons of things, there is no point in me leaving a person with one or two items standing there like a lemon while I unpack all my things onto the belt. I wave people ahead of me if Im still unpacking, Im saving someone else time and its having no impact on mine.

I dont mind being asked (as long as its a few items, not a CF) and I think that if you can make it through Aldi without buying half the shop and emerge with just milk and bread... you have earned your place at the front of the queue.

CoffeeRunner · 10/07/2019 00:42

You wait to be offered. You do not ask.

Why is the person with just bread & milk necessarily in more of a rush than the person with a full trolley?

StinkyHedgehog · 10/07/2019 00:53

When I do my supermarket shop, I have a very full trolley (I go once a month). I'd expect someone with only a couple of items to use the basket-only till. I'd think they were pretty cheeky to ask if they could go in front of me to be honest because they have that option.

My pet peeve is those people, and I've had it happen on several occasions now, who start loading their shopping onto the conveyor belt whilst I am still unloading my own shopping. I usually need the conveyor to start moving before I can fit all my shopping onto it, so I end up running out of room.

I hate to deliberately upset people myself but, on the last occasion it happened, I did say to the person that I hadn't finished unloading my shopping, and could she please stop. She couldn't see what the problem was. The cashier helped by starting to pack my shopping (which I prefer to do myself), I was trying to load my own shopping, and the woman was STILL putting her items down. I asked her to stop again, she was oblivious! I'm afraid I was very very slow in continuing to pack my shopping, and paying.

SushiForAmateurs · 10/07/2019 02:13

I ask because I hate supermarkets, and have various mental health issues

But how do you know the person you're asking doesn't also have issues?

And does a 'no' run the risk of exacerbating your issues?

I'd never ask in the first place, because a 'no' would be too awkward for me.

givemesteel · 10/07/2019 02:19

Is this a regional thing? There's no way I'd ask, ever, and I've never been asked myself!

Where I live customers definitely don't talk to each other, I would hate it if they did or that I was expected to be paying attention to how many items someone behind me has.

If someone isn't using the self check out for a small shop then it's not really my problem.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 10/07/2019 02:20

@StinkyHedgehog theres a special place in hell for those people. A couple of weeks ago I had a full trolley and was trying to unpack and w woman plonked the divider about 18 inches away from my stuff. There was no way all my shopping would fit on. I said 'so, do you mind?' and indicated at the divider and the miserable old bat just ignored me and kept unloading her stuff. I waited until she turned her back then used the divider to shove all her shit back up the way.

I just dont get it- putting your crap on the belt doesnt mean I am magically going to put less stuff on or it take me any less time to pack/pay.