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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that asking if you can go head with just a few items in the checkout queue is fine?

256 replies

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 16:44

Following on from another thread, I'm really surprised to find that people think that asking someone with a full trolley if you can nip ahead of them with your 3 items is 'incredibly rude'.

I've had people ask me this and I've let them go ahead no bother.

Sometimes I can see they've only got a few things so I ask them if they want to go ahead as I'll be ages and I'm not in a hurry.

And sometimes I've been the one asking if I could just pay for my pint of milk ahead of their 275 items - and it's never been a problem.

So (and I hope I phrase this right for the voting buttons!) AIBU to think it's fine to ask if you can queue jump someone with a full trolley when you just have a couple of things?

OP posts:
daisyboocantoo · 09/07/2019 19:26

I hate it. If I offer, fine but I would never ever ask. People doing their big shop have been stood there a while too, you know!

CaptSkippy · 09/07/2019 19:32

I am curious about the people who said "YABU".

I can understand how it's rude to just jump a queue and I can understand it's rude to get pissed off if someone declines your request.

But why is it rude to make the request? Surely, the other person can say no of they don't want to let you go in front. Maybe it just hadn't occured to them to offer, but wouldn't have a problem with it. How can you know if you don't ask?

My parents always told me: "You have a NO by default, but if you ask maybe you can get a YES."

I am trying to understand why it's not okay in the eyes of most posters here to even ask.

Aprillygirl · 09/07/2019 19:35

I've never asked, because I always end up with a trolly full even if I have only popped in for a couple of bits, Blush but would have no problem with some one asking me politely if they could nip ahead of me. I always check how much the person behind me has though, and offer them to go before me if it's not much thus saving them the job of asking and getting my good deed of the day out of the way early Halo

Original poster
CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 19:37

I also find the mindset of the time-value people a bit odd. It would never occur to me to think this request was any kind of statement of ‘I’m more important than you, my time is more important than yours’. Interesting that so many people look at it like that.

OP posts:
Jinxed2 · 09/07/2019 19:41

I would accept if someone offered but wouldn’t ask

ChicCroissant · 09/07/2019 19:43

I am trying to understand why it's not okay in the eyes of most posters here to even ask.

I don't think you are tbh.

But - if they wanted you to go in front, they would say. If they haven't offered, it's because they don't want you to. Asking is putting pressure on them to change their decision.

RedDogsBeg · 09/07/2019 19:43

But that's how it is being put across CassianAndor - you've got loads of stuff it won't hurt you to wait any longer, me I've only got a couple of things, why should I have to wait for you and I'm in a hurry, etc.

Original poster
CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 19:45

Chic not necessarily. I don’t tend to pay much attention to what’s going on behind me in the queue and so wouldn’t spot someone with a couple of things if I was busy unloading my trolley. So if they said ‘d’you mind if I nip ahead while you’re unpacking’ why on earth would I say ‘no’?

OP posts:
Original poster
CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 19:46

RedDognope, still not getting it. What’s a couple more minutes to me if I’ve been there an hour already filling my trolley and it’s going to take a while to get through the till and pack in up again?

OP posts:
Chouetted · 09/07/2019 19:52

It seems weird to assume they've already seen you and decided "no".

Aren't they more likely to be thinking about unpacking their shopping? Making sure the washing powder doesn't fall over and crush their eggs, that sort of thing?

RedDogsBeg · 09/07/2019 19:53

That's fine for you CassianAndor, it matters not, it may matter to someone else who just wants to get the hell out of there and doesn't want to give way to several people 'just nipping ahead'.

CaptSkippy · 09/07/2019 19:59

I don't think you are tbh.

Chic With that statement you are implying that I am lying about trying to understand, which I find a little rude tbh. Why would you assume that?

Like some posters here, I don't pay attention to people in line behind me. Why would I? But if they just have a few items and ask me to go ahead, I would be fine with it. Not offering on my part, does not mean an automatic NO. It just means I hadn't considered offering.

oldmumnewmum · 09/07/2019 20:03

i had someone "hinting" at pushing in...kept saying they've only got three items...i had done a scan and shop, told her this, pointed out that i was going to be quicker than her, she kept saying about it so i completely ignored her, she was being very rude imo, if i know i'm going to be ages i'll happily offer for someone with a few items to go in front of me...but don't ask/hint, learn to queue, my time is important too

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 09/07/2019 20:07

At my age I resent every wasted second and I don't see why I should extend my wait just to shorten someone else's. Having said that I am most likely to offer if I see someone with just a couple of items.

Problem solved where I am currently, the supermarket operates a filtered queue so everyone takes their turn and you don't have to play the checkout lottery. So much more civilised!

SpeckledyHen · 09/07/2019 20:09

I would never ask but I wouldn’t mind in the slightest if someone asked me !

Original poster
CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 20:12

RedDog (and *myimaginary, as well) as has been said several times, most times the jumper will be done and dusted by the time you’ve finished unloading your trolley. And in my experience it’s never been ‘several people’, just the one.

Anyway - upshot of this is that, on MN at any rate, a surprising (IMO) number of people get hot under the collar about this. Who knew?

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 09/07/2019 20:15

I don't know why but it's something that has to be offered, it can't be asked for. Like a knighthood.

Hellohah · 09/07/2019 20:18

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask.

I do think it's unreasonable to place your 3 items on the conveyor belt (as notification that you only have 3 items) while the person in front of you is still loading their 275.

Those pricks are the type of people who have to wait an extra 5 minutes while I have to do the pretend panic that I lost my purse, thus causing them an additional delay.

RedDogsBeg · 09/07/2019 20:33

CassianAndor as I said previously in the thread I am happy to offer for people with a few items to go ahead of me and regularly do. I dunno, I think it's the inherent assumption when they ask that they should be granted their request and that does come across as if they don't feel they should be expected to wait and queue like everyone else.

Posters have given examples on here where it's not just one person who expects to be allowed through and I have often let someone through only for them to faff endlessly whilst I am all unloaded and ready to go.

Biancadelrioisback · 09/07/2019 20:33

*I do think it's unreasonable to place your 3 items on the conveyor belt (as notification that you only have 3 items) while the person in front of you is still loading their 275.

Those pricks are the type of people who have to wait an extra 5 minutes while I have to do the pretend panic that I lost my purse, thus causing them an additional delay*

THIS!!
Especially when they make a huge deal of getting the divider and placing it so close to the last item you've loaded to put their 3 things on while you still have half a trolley! I just slide the divide back to keep adding my stuff then smile sweetly at them.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 09/07/2019 20:36

Much as I dislike self-scan, this is one situation in which it has its uses.

francescadrake · 09/07/2019 20:41

I also find the mindset of the time-value people a bit odd. It would never occur to me to think this request was any kind of statement of ‘I’m more important than you, my time is more important than yours’. Interesting that so many people look at it like that.

I think it’s because, in a busy supermarket where there is no free till, it’s likely I have already queued behind the person in front of me and the person in front of them. Kind of how queues work. If the person behind me asks whether they can go in front of me, it implies to me that they think queuing is a waste of their time, but not of mine.

With that said, I do frequently offer to let someone else go first.

2Rebecca · 09/07/2019 20:48

If someone offers to let you go ahead it's fine, asking is rude. If you think your time is more important than other people's you should have chosen a supermarket with self check out or scan as you go.

goose1964 · 09/07/2019 20:52

Round here you never have to ask, it's supermarket protocol

stayathomer · 09/07/2019 21:00

My parents always told me: "You have a NO by default, but if you ask maybe you can get a YES."
That is honestly great for some things e.g. about jobs etc but then in every day life it's a bit pushy because it's unfair on people who are shyer. Everyday example is at the dinner table someone who always says ' can I've the last whatever?' And everyone says yes to be nice or polite whereas otherwise they could have figured out a way for a different person to get it every time. Stupid example ... just a fairness thing I suppose ( but like I said great in relation to jobs and stuff like that!!)

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