Which parent is BU?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Parents A and B have two dc aged 4 and 7. Parent A and Parent B have to take consecutive weeks off work in October as Parent A is off work week 1 and kids are off school week 2. Parent A is unable to swap weeks. On Parent A's week off, they will do school drop offs etc for dc and have daytimes to do whatever needs doing round the house etc, so no need to book any childcare.

Parent B has suggested taking the dc away Mon-Fri of their (and dc) week off. The trip suggested is a cheap UK caravan resort.

Parent A would typically have no issue with this, and would likely enjoy the peace and quiet.

The crux - the 4 yo will turn 5 right in the middle of that break away.

Parent A thinks this is not acceptable, and that they should be able to spend the day with the dc (after work of course), wake up and see them and then do a family dinner etc.

Parent B suggests that they do all the gifts and family day on the Sat or Sun prior, and that this shouldn't prevent them taking the trip as it would if they stayed at home for the birthday.

Is either BU?

I think most parents would dislike the idea of their child being on holiday without them on their birthday.

Can you not use to money from the break for lots of nice days out for the children that week instead?

Difficult one.

Parent A should have tried to book the same week off ideally. Are you sure this can't be changed?

I think I'd feel a little sad at missing a child's birthday.

Who is Mum and who is Dad in this scenario? Just curious.

Can you ask your child which they would prefer?

Is parent A a teacher by any chance in a school with differing holiday?

Sadly Parent A is unable to swap weeks as they work in a school. Parent A and the dc schools are both in different districts so this year there is a issue. In previous years the two districts matched.

I would hate to miss my Childs birthday. But then I am a bit over clingy I think compared other parents I know.

Parent B is being unreasonable. It's not fair to disregard one parent's feelings like that, this situation is only fine if both parents are agreed.

Fucket I don't know if ds would fully grasp it. He would hear "holiday" and go for that regardless.

This would be in addition to a family break (UK) during the summer.

It seems a shame that parent B and the DC will miss out on a week's holiday just because parent A is sad about missing the birthday, so I think parent A is being unreasonable.

How close is the caravan park? Could parent A drive over after work?

Assuming A is a teacher and that's why they can't have the same week off?

It's a difficult one and should probably be up to the child more than the parents does the child mind celebrating there birthday on a different day and not seeing A on the actual day? If they don't then I would say it will be nice for B to take them away.

Parent B could choose a closer holiday place, however we only have one car. Therefore Parent A wouldn't be able to come out for the evening.

Could you keep the children off on the Friday and go for a long weekend in a caravan instead? Either with you all coming back on Sunday evening or parent a coming back then and the rest on the Monday

I'm with parent B. Have a pretend birthday the Sunday before.

If I were parent A I'd then get some wine in and box sets ready for a nice peaceful week of evenings at home with a couple of cheeky take aways.

Can't Parent B take the DC away for a long weekend (3 night break), to be back in time for the birthday, or go away the day after the birthday, depending on what day of the week it fell? The rest of the week they could do a couple of days out.

I’ll probably be in the minority here but if I was parent A, although it wouldn’t be ideal, I don’t think I’d mind too much.

My D.C. turned 4 on a day I was working so we celebrated their birthday two days before - cake, presents, day out, everything. It made no real difference that it wasn’t the actual day so you could do Parent B’s suggestion and celebrate on the Sunday before. (But then again, I’m a SAHM and am probably being swayed by the unheard of idea of 5 days completely child-free!!!)

Could Parent B take the children away Sat/Sun and come home on birthday day so Parent A can see DC on the day if it’s very important to them?

No one IBU in this case. It’s just different feelings that’s all. How would each parent feel if they were the other parent?

As much as I’d be disappointed not seeing my dc on their birthday I think in circumstances like this I’d suck it up and let them go on the holiday. It would be such a shame for the dc to miss out on a weeks holiday for me to want to spend a couple of hours on their birthday with them. It’s just unfortunate the way it has worked out with the holidays this year. Have the birthday family time at the weekend and let them go and enjoy the holiday. There will be loads of other birthdays.

I would hate my family going on holiday without me regardless of bday.
I would side with parent A.

Parent B wouldn't be able to take any more leave than the week the dc are off so couldn't go the Friday before.

Additionally, Parent B has planned this because the alternative is a week at home doing the usual activities done locally with Parent A not able to participate. The site has activities and pool etc which Parent B thinks will be "a nice change"

The birthday is a Wednesday.

I seem to be in the minority here but I’d go for parent B’s plan of the fake birthday. Then DC still remembers both parents being there on the birthday celebration and has a fab holiday rather than having to stay just so parent B has the joy of the birthday meal.

So your parent B!

Would you be happy to not see them if the situation is reversed in a few years?

Tell the dc they can be Royalty for the day as The Queen has 2 birthdays!!. Video call home! My exh took ds away and wouldn't let me speak to him.

Twat.

Could parent B take them away for a couple of days the days before or after the birthday? Say overnight at a theme park or something similar.
I wouldn't want to miss my child's birthday but I'd be equally miffed that parent B gets to go away and do fun stuff instead of being home and having to make the fun!

Why doesn't parent A hire a car for a day and come down to visit on the birthday? Car hire's way cheaper than it used to be.