Which parent is BU?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Parents A and B have two dc aged 4 and 7. Parent A and Parent B have to take consecutive weeks off work in October as Parent A is off work week 1 and kids are off school week 2. Parent A is unable to swap weeks. On Parent A's week off, they will do school drop offs etc for dc and have daytimes to do whatever needs doing round the house etc, so no need to book any childcare.

Parent B has suggested taking the dc away Mon-Fri of their (and dc) week off. The trip suggested is a cheap UK caravan resort.

Parent A would typically have no issue with this, and would likely enjoy the peace and quiet.

The crux - the 4 yo will turn 5 right in the middle of that break away.

Parent A thinks this is not acceptable, and that they should be able to spend the day with the dc (after work of course), wake up and see them and then do a family dinner etc.

Parent B suggests that they do all the gifts and family day on the Sat or Sun prior, and that this shouldn't prevent them taking the trip as it would if they stayed at home for the birthday.

Is either BU?

It's a birthday, they'll have one every year, honestly I don't think I'd be that bothered. I missed DS2s first birthday as it was my first week in a new job.

In these days of skype etc it's not like the absent parent couldn't speak to the/see them and wish them a happy birthday and then just do cake when they get back.

Parent A should stop being a dick.

A week of evenings to yourself whilst other parent is on ‘holiday’ with two small children and because it’s over a birthday they think you are making a sacrifice??

No brainier.

Fake birthday before they go. FaceTime on the day.

And as for taking days of work specifically for birthdays don’t be ridiculous. Apart from anything else the parent staying behind is a teacher! Can you imagine? Mrs X won’t be in today because her kid is 5! Oh and she won’t be in on the Monday of sats week because her other one is 8 🤣🤣🤣

The solution is obvious.
Set up a tent on your garden.

More seriously, I wouldn't want to miss my child's birthday. So, I'd propose they go over the first weekend and return Wednesday or the reverse, and spend the rest of the days on local activities.
Unless they're having a party on the weekend for their mates, in which case, just this once, I'd let them go.

Many people seem to be missing the possibility that the child may miss having the parent around on their birthday.
This is not just about the parent.

I’m on the side of parent B. The kids would love to go away I’m sure, so I would put them first. Most children I know have a low key actual weekday birthday, and then a bigger celebration/party day at the weekend. So parent A may not be there on his birthday but will still be there for the celebration day.

Parent A is quote BU, they get a good deal, one week of doing wraparound care and days to themselves. And then they want to prevent Parent B and the DC to go on holiday because they don’t want to miss the DC’s birthday. Just celebrate before/after and skype them on the day.

Exactly lewji

I still don’t get why the only option for a break means the whole week away. It’s quite possible to do a few days away and still be back for the birthday

@Lweji I did consider it but gave OP the benefit of the doubt that she wouldn’t be even considering this unless birthday child/ other DC weren’t enthusiastic about it.

@Sirzy the holiday is Mon-Fri and child’s birthday is on Wednesday. A 2 day break doesn’t see worth it and OP must have reasons for not going in the weekend.

I’d far rather my kids had a lovely week of holiday with their other parent, than miss out because I wanted the birthday day.

Just celebrate at the weekend, with a smaller fuss on the day.

Can you borrow a car off someone though? Or public transport and be met by them? Bring a grandparent (with a car) too?

But even if none of those possible - I don’t think a birthday on the day is a big deal.

I wouldn't like to miss my DC birthday but I also wouldn't want to put my wants ahead of what is best for my DC and I wouldn't want them missing out on a fun week away so I could have a birthday dinner with them

Another who would do the holiday Saturday-Wednesday.
DH has missed most of our DDs birthdays. We did fake ones when they were little (one DDs birthday got moved by a month once and we had a Christmas in November). Now we have main celebration when he is around, and a mini celebration on the day. This year DD1 got cake for breakfast before DH went away for two weeks on her birthday.

Why isn’t a two day holiday worth it? Book somewhere fun like an alton towers type place and two days away is plenty. Or go on the Sunday and make it three days!

It seems parent b has made their mind up but there is room for compromise surely?

Parent A thinks this is not acceptable, and that they should be able to spend the day with the dc (after work of course), wake up and see them and then do a family dinner etc.

Parent A is selfish, thinking about their own wants. The Child (I bet) would rather have a fun week away.

Aaargh. I don't know who is being u but my kids' school have the same unreasonably early HT as Parent A's. Everyone knows Halloween should be in HT! Then far too long til Xmas.

I think parent A is a bit U though.

I would probably do whatever birthday DC prefers which I bet would be the week away.

All the people saying do different days, that's not really how these type of breaks work, you get a 4 night mid week, Monday to Friday or a 3 day weekend, Friday to Monday. Or indeed a full week.

I understand that OP can’t drive there for Wednesday evening because there’s only one car. But why can’t the other parent and kids drive back (or if far, to a restaurant near a train station) so they get a birthday tea and the excitement of telling the other parent about the holiday so far?

I think Parent A is being unreasonable. It isn't their week so they don't really get a say in how parent B spends it with the children - I understand it's a birthday but it isn't the end of the world to celebrate before/after

I'd celebrate the birthday on the weekend and let them all go on holiday. It's not ideal but it's probably what the kids would pick and that's the most important thing really.

Sorry, assumed Parents were split up!

I would go with parent B. DC will have a lovely time and you can celebrate at the weekend. Think which your DC would prefer.

I'd go with parent B's plan.

I don't think the dc should miss going on holiday because one parent is a teacher so can't choose their holidays.

Some careers involved missing out on some things. I'm a nurse so I miss alternate Christmases. It would hardly be fair to ask the dc and my dp to miss half Christmases just because I do.