Which parent is BU?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Parents A and B have two dc aged 4 and 7. Parent A and Parent B have to take consecutive weeks off work in October as Parent A is off work week 1 and kids are off school week 2. Parent A is unable to swap weeks. On Parent A's week off, they will do school drop offs etc for dc and have daytimes to do whatever needs doing round the house etc, so no need to book any childcare.

Parent B has suggested taking the dc away Mon-Fri of their (and dc) week off. The trip suggested is a cheap UK caravan resort.

Parent A would typically have no issue with this, and would likely enjoy the peace and quiet.

The crux - the 4 yo will turn 5 right in the middle of that break away.

Parent A thinks this is not acceptable, and that they should be able to spend the day with the dc (after work of course), wake up and see them and then do a family dinner etc.

Parent B suggests that they do all the gifts and family day on the Sat or Sun prior, and that this shouldn't prevent them taking the trip as it would if they stayed at home for the birthday.

Is either BU?

I think it’s a shame that a child had to miss out on a camp because of his patents wishes to see him on his birthday- what the child wants doesn’t seem to be as important as what the parent wants.

I understand the FOMO but you've had to miss out previously so it's only fair that you get to go too.
Sorry but parent B should suck it up.

Sorry parent A

Ugh, his FOMO = NOBODY gets to have fun. Nice one, Dad 🙄

I think it's kind of nice that he would be sad to miss out, but you should definitely still go.

I think it's nice that a family likes to have traditions and also that they like to make a fuss of birthdays. However, when that stops them taking advantage of other things that they would enjoy and enrich their experiences then I think it should take a back seat. You hopefully have at least 70 birthdays in your life but only a few years where you can go to cub/scout camp with your friends or enjoy a caravan holiday as a child and at the end of the day there are other days you can celebrate your birthday on. My Dc have birthdays a few weeks apart and are only a year age difference so they often had a shared party in the middle as they had a lot of shared friends (and same family/cousins etc). It didn't stop them enjoying their birthday.

OP your DH is being a knob and no, i don't think it's nice either, it's completely controlling that no-one else is allowed to have a nice time without him. My friend is currently divorcing her controlling husband and he is still trying to pull the "not fair" card as their eldest turns 17 and it's not on his day. Currently insisting that all birthday plans must include him. He's been told firmly to fuck off. he's welcome to see DC on the morning and do gifts and spend the next day (his day)with them as he sees fit. Friend does not have to get STBX ex a ticket for her organised day out and invite him to dinner as he seems to think.

Book it now!

At five years old, how much does it really matter - I mean honestly really? Will they be worrying about it a few days later or can it be handled by some judicious smoothing over ? There will be plenty of times like this when even the best compromising doesn't quite work.

What is FOMO?

FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out

It’s really not that big a deal for a parent not to be there for a birthday. As long as the child knows, and the parent with them makes a big fuss and they can call/face time. My husband was military so has missed a couple of birthdays and it really made no difference, and the child will love having a second celebration at the weekend with the whole family.
I would absolutely have the holiday and I bet that’s what the birthday child would choose too.

Thank you!

Just to add I would happily let my husband take the kids if it was the other way around too.