To carry an angry toddler home in a fireman’s lift?

[Pretendbookworm]

Took DS who is 3 in a few weeks to the park. After 25 mins he said he wanted to go home now, and started pulling at the gate getting frustrated. So I opened it. As soon as we were out, he kicked off and wanted back in. I said ok but if you say we going again we will go. Sure enough he immediately started pulling at the gate, getting frustrated, saying he wanted to leave. Again I let him out and he immediately wanted back in. No chance. I said no that’s it we are going. Queue the mother of all meltdowns.

He wouldn’t walk so I carried him, alternating between over my shoulder or rugby ball style. He’s screaming blue murder. Every 50m or so I gave him a chance to walk but he wouldn’t stand, leaving me to just put him lying down on the grass. When he stood he wouldn’t walk so repeat the above.

Anyway, we get close to home and a car pulled over while he was kicking and screaming on the grass again. They paused then drove off. Then another car at a junction had everyone opening staring, shaking their heads with pearl clutching hands at their necks.

I come home, plonk DS in naughty corner for 2 mins while we both have a cry. I find it really bloody hard dealing with tantrums at the moment. I’m 10 weeks pregnant, tired and nauseous all the time and my partner works 12 hour shifts so it’s a long day with a non-napping toddler and no car.

Done it many times

Sometimes, manhandling them is the only way to do anything when they are in that state

Well what else are you supposed to do with him?

It's pretty standard tbh. Any other way and you risk bruised legs.

We are coming up to the two mark and it's hitting us hard. It sounds like you are dealing with it really well!

You did what I would have done.

Nope not unreasonable. When they reach the point there is no reasoning with them and they’ve gone into freefall, the best thing is to get them out of wherever they are ASAP. If you are near home then carrying them in a fireman’s lift is fair enough. Bugger the disapproving stares. Toddler tantrums are hard work for all parties. If you are pregnant you can times that by a 100.

I think if you have to carry them to get them safely home you have to do it.

I dont see point of naughty corner after though. The child is having trouble managing (hence the meltdown) and feel crap enough about it themselves while its happening. Id go for space to get self together then try to reconnect or help them resettle.

And then see if there's any rhyme or reason to the meltdowns, what the triggers might be. If its transitions/ making decisions/crowds....its a hard job parenting at times..

Done it myself. I threatened to leave him at nursery overnight in front of the carpets if he didn’t stop running away. Tantrums are hard, 3 year olds can be little sh!ts. You do what you need to short of actual violence and stuff everyone else! You’re a great Mama!

What did distress me is that he threw a tantrum in the local rec ground, threw himself and started shouting you’re not my Mummy and not one person stopped.

Makes me wonder how to teach him to get attention if a stranger grabbed him. Since I’d happily relay the drama to them I’m actually ok with a disapproving person or two.

*in front of carers rather than specifically carpets...

@Ifsomeonehadtoldme I was struggling to understand the threat of the carpet

Reminds me of when my ds was 4 and did similar and he said if I take all my clothes off to my pants you can't take me home.. OK. Son watch me, cue screaming and kicking half naked child being carried home. I got some funny looks but he didn't do it again lol

I've had people.look at me like that before, but then a few months later I met one of the mother's and she said "I just felt so bad for you". Ywdnbu, you followed through, carried him off, and did brilliantly.

I live opposite a nursery. Pretty much every day I see a (different) screaming toddler hoisted over their parent's shoulder being carried to the car.

So I opened it. As soon as we were out, he kicked off and wanted back in. I said ok but if you say we going again we will go. Sure enough he immediately started pulling at the gate, getting frustrated, saying he wanted to leave. Again I let him out and he immediately wanted back in.

Are you sure he's not a cat?

Oh poor you OP xxx

I would have felt sympathy for you and laughed at his little face, being carried like a block of wood!

Been there, done that (including the joint crying!). Don't beat yourself up about it. For all you know they were probably thinking "oh that poor woman, ours used to do that when they were that age!"

LOL, I had the patented 'In the Naughty Corner Mummy Hold' - hoisted under my arm, face down.

Possibly impossible when youre in the thick of it but the book that helped me most as a parent was, "how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk" and theyve now brought out a toddler version...whoch i would so get if i still had toddlers!!

Been in the same situation with DD3 a few times - she is so bloody strong and heavy now its getting practically impossible to carry her any great distance. She alternates wild thrashing and flopping all boneless dead-weight. The last time she kicked off was about a month ago (because I told her to hold my hand and wouldn't let her just run into the busy main road) I ended up having to throw her over my shoulder and she started screaming 'Help me! Help me! Anybody HELP ME! I want my Papa!! STOP HURTING MEEEEEEE!!!!!' - That generated quite an audience. Frankly I'm surprised no one actually challenged me rather than just giving me all kinds of shitty looks about it because if i had witnessed that scene as an outsider I'd have thought the child was being abducted!

yep, you do what you need to do. otherwise you would still be standing on a grass verge somewhere.

DS often arrives home either over my shoulder or under my arm or, if he's got his reins on, being carried like a really angry handbag.

@StCharlotte that made me laugh! Thank you for that! I do have cats so maybe he’s learned from them?

@YouJustDoYou thank you for that, it’s the first time I’ve had to manhandle him all the way home. Felt like the worst parent in the world.

He’s now happily playing, munching on a banana after cuddling on my lap for 10 mins to CBeebies. As if nothing happened! Not sure if that makes it worse, lol

Be kind to yourself, we've all been there - I know I have! Hope you had some nice cuddles together when everyone had calmed down

Put the first car out of your mind - seems to me like they just wanted to check things were OK, realised it was just a tantrum and drove off. You can't blame people for wanting to be certain a child is alright and as he was on the ground, they may have thought he was ill or injured. As for the second car - stupid bastards! It doesn't matter how you choose to parent your child, someone will always have something to say about it. FWIW, I think you did exactly the right thing.

You did great OP.