To carry an angry toddler home in a fireman’s lift?

[Pretendbookworm]

Took DS who is 3 in a few weeks to the park. After 25 mins he said he wanted to go home now, and started pulling at the gate getting frustrated. So I opened it. As soon as we were out, he kicked off and wanted back in. I said ok but if you say we going again we will go. Sure enough he immediately started pulling at the gate, getting frustrated, saying he wanted to leave. Again I let him out and he immediately wanted back in. No chance. I said no that’s it we are going. Queue the mother of all meltdowns.

He wouldn’t walk so I carried him, alternating between over my shoulder or rugby ball style. He’s screaming blue murder. Every 50m or so I gave him a chance to walk but he wouldn’t stand, leaving me to just put him lying down on the grass. When he stood he wouldn’t walk so repeat the above.

Anyway, we get close to home and a car pulled over while he was kicking and screaming on the grass again. They paused then drove off. Then another car at a junction had everyone opening staring, shaking their heads with pearl clutching hands at their necks.

I come home, plonk DS in naughty corner for 2 mins while we both have a cry. I find it really bloody hard dealing with tantrums at the moment. I’m 10 weeks pregnant, tired and nauseous all the time and my partner works 12 hour shifts so it’s a long day with a non-napping toddler and no car.

Not called the Terrible Twos without reason!

You did the right thing op. 👍🏻

DS2 was 3 when the rugby-ball-scoop to carry him about became a parenting tool. He's 8 now and genuinely delightful but back then I used to worry we were being secretly filmed for some real-life experiment to see how much a mother could take of a child sitting in a shopping trolley shouting "help me, help me" (which had many a stranger stop and ask "are you ok?" to which he would theatrically whimper "she's not my Mummy" and I'd have to show them photos of him on my phone and point out that if I was stealing a child I'd steal a far, far quieter one than that).

Anyone judging a parent for dealing calmly with a toddler tantrum is a turd.

Done it loads of times. Not at all unreasonable.

I've carried my tantruming child from Sainsburys by one leg and one arm.

Sometimes it has to be done.

I've done it several times. Needs must sometimes. Nothing to do with anyone else.

Try and put it out your mind.

A few weeks ago I was at a park and a kid came running over to me in tears because his mum wouldn't let him on the big slide. He was about 3. His mum came over beside us and the boy had a tantrum for about an hour. No joke, never calmed down. Felt so sorry for the mum. She was trying her best to reason with him and was so calm with him...she couldn't have tried any harder. We tried to help too. He kept crying, screaming, shouting. In the end she had to just pick him up and leave.

Lesson learnt....you just can't reason with them sometimes. You did the right thing, took him home where he could get closure and see for himself that enough was enough x

People will judge. My three year old is the size of a six year old.

-When he was 2 a mechanic came out of a garage and said to him why isn’t a big boy like you walking. He was told because he’s 2 and I need to get to town in less than three hours.

• his behaviour looks like I have a real problem child school kid. I make sure I say his age. Most recently at a bathroom show room where he was whining constantly - rewarded by the consultant expressing his surprise so clearly I had picked what he thought accurately.

People will sometimes judge you because they have nothing better to do but I do think more often than that they are thinking “thank f*ck it’s not me” I always do.

@Nesssie autocorrect is strong today - second and third shots were capers and caters...

Never had to do it but I sure as hell would have.

I used to carry mine like a rugby ball out of Asda every week as I wouldn't spend money on the ride-on tweenies thing and push the trolley with the other hand. I got quite good at it!

I’ve done the angry handbag (awesome image) walk back with toddlers before. Mostly child stuffed under arm like a rugby ball though.

You picked him up to keep him safe. He's having a tantrum - he isn't going to be receptive to a reasonable conversation.

Good on you - you dealt with a situation as well as you could! Stuff anyone else and their looks!

You're doing well if you've reached 3 and it's the first time
My ds is almost 3 and I've done it a few times now.
Don't worry about it, totally normal.

Done it. Not with DS1, but with DS2 (when thankfully I was a bit more confident). Carried him like a roll of carpet. It works in that you get them from A to B and it shows them you mean what you say so hopefully you won't have to do it too often.

He was testing you.

To be fair to the car drivers, they might have just been checking it was a tantrum and not a scene of abuse.

Been there, done that.
Carried DD1 (aged 3 at the time) out of boots kicking and screaming while I had DD2 (aged 1) in the baby carrier. That was a tricky task!
There's just no reasoning with a toddler.

You do what you have to! Hopefully the unanimous YANBU is reassuring.

YANBU

You get them to the destination in any way you can. I think the only method we haven't tried was hanging them from a stout stick by their wrists and ankles, like a deer, and carrying said burden between us - but that is only because we never have a stout stick and a length of rope when we need them.

YANBU and as others have said, someone doubling checking it's a standard tantrum rather than a terrified child isn't a bad thing.

Ignore the pearl clutchers, they probably have horrifically entitled offspring who never reached epic tantrum level because they gave into every whim and desire...rather than parenting well like you are.

DS is 7 now, but when he was 3, he had the mother of all tantrums in the supermarket.

We had no food in the house and I desperatly needed to do this shop. So I kept going for a few more minutes, till I uttered the words, if you don't stop I am leaving, he kept going, so I abandoned my trolley and man handled him out the shop.

I came back 20 minutes later, when he had calmed down and they still had most my shopping at the customer service desk.

If it helps, now he is 7, I forget about all those lovely times and just remember the good bits

You carried him, screaming, over your shoulder, out of a park - I'd look too - to make sure it WAS a mum and tantruming toddler, not a mad axe-murderer abducting a child.

You do what you've gotta do and bite me to any critics!

My personal favourite from all those years ago is the 'unyielding angry kid' where I would fireman's-lift a child so angry that she was stiff as a plank: basically her thighs were over my shoulder and the rest of her body stuck out behind like the ladder on a fire-engine.

Don't torture yourself OP. kids are horrid sometimes. And although it is mortifying, I'd want someone to double take/check if my DC was being 'carried off', just in case!

I don't think that the method of carrying was wrong, but I wouldn't have escalated to that from what happened. Toddlers can be a bit slow to work out consequences, so I would have given more time to explain what was happening and why. I also would have sat with them and let the tantrum burn out before agitating the situation by forcing them around.

@GaryWilmottsTeeth the vision of your Angry Handbag toddler hold made me laugh on a terrible day. beautifully put!

when my DD was small she told me i WOULDN’T DARE take her to nursery in her pants and vest if she wouldn’t get dressed. i dared. it didn’t happen again!

YANBU, that's why I used to take the buggy with me even though DS could walk, easier to carry toddler in case of tantrum (it works in shops as well).