To carry an angry toddler home in a fireman’s lift?

[Pretendbookworm]

Took DS who is 3 in a few weeks to the park. After 25 mins he said he wanted to go home now, and started pulling at the gate getting frustrated. So I opened it. As soon as we were out, he kicked off and wanted back in. I said ok but if you say we going again we will go. Sure enough he immediately started pulling at the gate, getting frustrated, saying he wanted to leave. Again I let him out and he immediately wanted back in. No chance. I said no that’s it we are going. Queue the mother of all meltdowns.

He wouldn’t walk so I carried him, alternating between over my shoulder or rugby ball style. He’s screaming blue murder. Every 50m or so I gave him a chance to walk but he wouldn’t stand, leaving me to just put him lying down on the grass. When he stood he wouldn’t walk so repeat the above.

Anyway, we get close to home and a car pulled over while he was kicking and screaming on the grass again. They paused then drove off. Then another car at a junction had everyone opening staring, shaking their heads with pearl clutching hands at their necks.

I come home, plonk DS in naughty corner for 2 mins while we both have a cry. I find it really bloody hard dealing with tantrums at the moment. I’m 10 weeks pregnant, tired and nauseous all the time and my partner works 12 hour shifts so it’s a long day with a non-napping toddler and no car.

I wonder if people who agree with this also agree with banning smacking? Because if smacking is banned so is this!

He was safe, and you know what is best for him- people will judge whatever which doesn't make it any easier; but you were definitely not being unreasonable by the sound of it!

I'd have to show them photos of him on my phone and point out that if I was stealing a child I'd steal a far, far quieter one than that

There should be free respite for parents of toddlers. And teens. No-one should have put up with it 24/7.

I knew I could never be a parent when on holiday with several friends and the almost 3-year old of one couple. He went through the card of bad behaviour: screaming and refusing to sit down on the plane (thankfully, only a 45 minute flight), protest-pissing in his pants, lying down and tantrumming in the street, making us queue for 45 minutes for fish & chips then throwing them on the ground, running off faster than should be possible for someone only 2'6" tall and, to my eternal shame, lobbing a glass bottle of orange juice across the bar in a pub and scoring a direct hit on the barman's head.

I can only say that the residents of Connemara are incredibly tolerant of badly behaved children.

That 3 year old is now my delightful 29-year old DSS. And he has a 4-year old daughter who was equally spirited and determined to break her parents.

What goes around, comes around.

Haha I did that with DS in a supermarket for running off. He got his chat about expected behaviour+ promise of treat at the end of the shopping, asked him to hold my hand in there and when he legged it, did the whole count to three several times. I warned him that if he did it once more we were going home. And he did. So we did. Lifted him up and bodily carried him and strapped him into his car seat.
After that a stern "do you want to go home??" usually brought him to heel. He's 7 now and will automatically reach for my hand wherever we walk.

I did the angry handbag one many times too

Totally normal @Pretendbookworm, I favour the fireman's lift or the surfboard position but DD is getting a bit large for that. Sounds like you managed to stay remarkably calm. I hate the aftermath when they return to normal and you're still in a bit of shock at the tantrum 😂

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Did the right thing. I might have stopped to see if you were ok, but certainly wouldn’t judge.

The one day I decide to walk to town with dd age 3 he kicked off big time because I wouldn’t buy him another toy car. I carried him home kicking and screaming in a similar way. One lovely lady stopped and said I know it’s non of my business but do you need any help, I declined because by this point we were nearly home. Walking to town normally takes 10minutes, I believe it took me 15-20 minutes to get home that day.

Op i had to do similar this morning with dc4 (3 in three months) under my arm, kicking and screaming. I am almost 32 weeks pregnant. It was hard work.

@lakielady
several friends and the almost 3-year old of one couple
That 3 year old is now my delightful 29-year old DSS

please tell this story!

What a ridiculous comparison @Manclife1. Picking up your irrational toddler mid-tantrum is in no way like smacking.

I also always preferred the surfboard style to the rugby ball style. And never bothered with the fireman’s lift.

Sometimes you’ve just got to get out of the space you’re in. It’s amazing how a change of scenery can help a tantrum.

Done this many times. There is no way I'm spending hours trying to softly coax a hysterical child home. Chuck them over the shoulder, keep walking and pray the screams won't still be in your dreams that night.

I left my toddler mid kick off in isle 2 in the local shop last week and picked him up on my way out. No way was I forgetting half my list because I had to drag him with me to each item I needed. Too much stress and I just didn't have the energy to fight.

Yes people do sometimes look and make comments but my reply is always 'if you think you can do a better job at sorting him out, go ahead'. I think people tend to forget that it's a lot more stressful for the parent than it is for the passers by.

angry handbag
I have the same problem as @Ifsomeonehadtoldme in that I have an enormous 3yo which means a) I can barely lift him now I'm 6mo pregnant and b) I get more judgement for his tantrums because people assume he's about 5yo.
I'd love to have a gentle and caring discussion with him and peaceful resolution every time but in the face of his colossal stubbornness and lack of reason sometimes there is no option other than just getting the hell out of wherever we are as fast as possible.

LOL, I had the patented 'In the Naughty Corner Mummy Hold' - hoisted under my arm, face down.

Me too.

Every parent recognises what you are doing. You will get a lot more approving glances and sympathetic looks than disapproval.

A slight comedy element to the hold helps. As does a non-cuddle type hold.

@Pretendbookworm you’re an actual hero. I couldn’t have carried a spider home on my shoulder when I was 10 weeks, I felt that crap.

Keep on keeping on!

I wonder if people who agree with this also agree with banning smacking? Because if smacking is banned so is this!

Huh?

The OP didn't hit the child, she picked him up and carried him home.

I'm guessing you're one of these parents who chases their little darling around, trying to talk about 'feelings' and shit, while the kid kicks you in the shins?

Bollocks to that.

I have turned around/looked when hearing a child yelling, but I'm not judging, just seeing if I can help, and concluding there nothing I can do but feel empathy at a distance!

I have vivid memories of being scooped up off the floor and carried out of a store by my harness haha. You gotta do what you gotta do.

@WorraLiberty it would still be classed as an assault and the defence of lawful chastisement wouldn’t be available. Which is why I think those looking to get it banned fail to see the bigger consequences.

And no, I don’t let my kids kick me in the shins as they’d get a smack.

YANBU Being pregnant with a toddler is one of the most exhausting things. I remember the nausea whilst doing nappies and hauling eldest through soft play tunnels with a huge bump.... I'd have had a good cry too! Hope things are calmer now.

Yanbu, the only problem is when they get too big. I tried to do it to my son for the first time in about a year, but he’s so heavy now I physically couldn’t lift him. I was so embarrassed I just let him carry on doing what he was doing until everyone else had gone and I could drag him off 🤣

@Manclife1 carrying your child is not the same as hitting them. Don't be ridiculous.
I'm in Scotland where you are not allowed to smack. No judge will be prosecuting a parent for carrying a tantrumming toddler.

I can see why dragging older children by the ear was popular in the olden days.

You did the right thing. As an experienced mom and childminder, I can say the best way to cope with temper tantrums is to: 1. not give in and 2. walk away, so the child gets no attention for the behaviour. And I mean go to another room when the child is safely inside the house, not walk away in a public space. The worst thing people do is to give in to tantrums when they are in public because they’re embarrassed, which teaches the child to throw a public tantrum when they don’t get their way. You did a good thing, hard though it was.

Oh op we've all been there.
Or trying to bend them to get them strapped into pram/car

Ignore the pearl clutchers they obviously have perfect children