To carry an angry toddler home in a fireman’s lift?

[Pretendbookworm]

Took DS who is 3 in a few weeks to the park. After 25 mins he said he wanted to go home now, and started pulling at the gate getting frustrated. So I opened it. As soon as we were out, he kicked off and wanted back in. I said ok but if you say we going again we will go. Sure enough he immediately started pulling at the gate, getting frustrated, saying he wanted to leave. Again I let him out and he immediately wanted back in. No chance. I said no that’s it we are going. Queue the mother of all meltdowns.

He wouldn’t walk so I carried him, alternating between over my shoulder or rugby ball style. He’s screaming blue murder. Every 50m or so I gave him a chance to walk but he wouldn’t stand, leaving me to just put him lying down on the grass. When he stood he wouldn’t walk so repeat the above.

Anyway, we get close to home and a car pulled over while he was kicking and screaming on the grass again. They paused then drove off. Then another car at a junction had everyone opening staring, shaking their heads with pearl clutching hands at their necks.

I come home, plonk DS in naughty corner for 2 mins while we both have a cry. I find it really bloody hard dealing with tantrums at the moment. I’m 10 weeks pregnant, tired and nauseous all the time and my partner works 12 hour shifts so it’s a long day with a non-napping toddler and no car.

notatwork

I wish I'd seen that!

You should have given him time out at the park at waited for the tantrum to end. That saves the struggle for the both of you

Yanbu although ds3 dislocated dps shoulder when he was 3 doing the same

I once had to carry my (3yo at the time) half brother in a fireman’s lift, strong arm him into the car and drive him home after a similar meltdown. His mother was having minor day surgery, his father (also my father), was at work.

He screamed ‘you’re not my mummy, you can’t make me come with you’ repeatedly.

Fortunately, it was 1993, there were no mobile phones with cameras to record this epic tantrum and the audience he was shouting to were our grandparents and their neighbours....

He’s 29 now, 6 ft 4 and still behaves like a toddler at times.

You did your best. Which is all we can do when toddlers spontaneously combust and we have to contain them.

Fair play to you for being capable of carrying him all the way home at 10 weeks pregnant. I think I'd have had my cry sitting on the pavement on the way, tbh.
I second the "how to talk" recommendation, although I still end up carrying my 3yo "like a potato" sometimes. (Her version of "like a sack of potatoes", I.e. over my shoulder)

Jimjam

I could never get a tantrumming toddler actually into the buggy (not without breaking a tiny spine in five places, anyway). Mine also use to go rigid, just like notatwork's

I would never lift up a child in a tantrum.....said no parent ever. You did all you could do in the circumstances.Just take care with your early pregnancy though xx

Perfectly normal.
The only thing I would have done slightly different is not have put him in ' the naughty corner'. I dont think tantrums are ' naughty' as such. Children are testing boundaries, get tired, get frustrated because they cant articulate themselves and so on.
However that isnt a criticism. I've been bloody warn out and sick of the sight of a toddler many times!!!
I wouldn't give the car people another thought.
Alls well, tantrums go as quick as they come and just keep telling yourself ' its a phase they are going through!!'

I think many people forget that these little people have been on the earth for a mere 2/3 years. It's completely NORMAL for them to have issues regulating their emotions. That's were the phrase "terrible twos" comes from!

As an educator I'm completely against the whole punishment/rewards super nanny method of dealing with undesirable behaviour. If you are interested in learning more about that I'd highly recommend this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@garywilmottsteeth a really angry handbag

My DS is 16 months and already showing signs of being opinionated/forthright but without the comprehension for me to address it now. All of a sudden I feel very apprehension for the coming months

Had to do it yesterday with my 5 year old on the way home from school as he refused to walk in the direction I wanted to go my back is slightly regretting it today

I’ve been there more times than I like to count, OP.

Sometimes it’s the only way of dealing with the situation.

You should have given him time out at the park at waited for the tantrum to end. That saves the struggle for the both of you

I had one who would have seen night descend and lose her voice entirely rather than give in. She’s now a delightful, quietly spoken adult who channels her inmate stubbornness into the more useful characteristics of determination and grit. Carried my other DC home from the park by the arm and opposite leg of a snowsuit - a very unwrigglefriendly outfit.

Totally normal!!
I would go further than what my p8cture says

If you haven't picked up your toddler surfboard/angry handbag style you're not parenting!

YANBU op, been there and done that.

What is it with judgey people in these scenarios? It's pretty obvious when a toddler is having a tantrum, no need to stare!

I remember once having to walk home with the buggy tipped back on its back wheels, because my daughter (then 2) was screaming bloody murder and rigid like a plank and her legs were getting in the way.

Have done that and, with practice, can also give out one mother hubbarding glare at anyone who dares to look. Think it sends out ‘I dare you to say something because I’m at at the end of my tether.’ Or I’ve done the nonchalant stand while they scream on the ground. I used to spend that time thinking of things to say to mother (pearl) clutchers if they commented. Good luck OP!

What you did was completely normal.

However, it's also completely normal to assume people are judging you just because they're looking.

I bet you anything you like they weren't judging at all. They were probably just glad they weren't in your position.

Sounds like good parenting to me! (And I used to teach parenting skills to parents who were in danger of losing their kids).

Deep breaths and a large bit of chocolate! 2/3 years is bloody ridiculous. I swear my toddler has caused my high blood pressure.

People will judge everything, their problem not yours x

I’ve done the same and will do it again. Down to the giving them a chance every 50m or so to walk. Otherwise you end up with a 5 year old who is too big to carry who thinks they you won’t carry out the consequences you say. If it happens I lot of have a think about any triggers- out too close to nap time, needs a snack/drink but some days despite being the best parent ever they still will have a tantrum.

👌👍🤘 Hats off to you. I would much rather see a parent handle a tantrum this way rather than the pandering style some parents use.

I had to deal with the mother of all tantrums in Eurodisney when DS was about 3. He flung himself on the ground and screamed and screamed and screamed. All I could do was sit down and watch until he exhausted himself. Passers by settled into 3 groups:

• Judgyfuckers (vanishingly few)
• fearful looks that said “shit, I hope that isn’t going to spread to mine”
• sympathetic looks that said “you poor cow, there but for the grace of God”

Very normal. We've all done it. One tip I will pass on, pretend you are being filmed by a tv crew and you are giving a demonstration on 'coping with toddlers.' Saved my sanity many times.

I remember seeing a family member do this to her DS at a wedding. I was aghast. Clearly she couldnt control her son enough that she had to manhandle him. People like that shouldnt be parents to be honest. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA aaah what a dickhead I was. I now have 2 DDs and if theyre both alive at the end of each day I count that as a win.