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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? about paying for holiday

236 replies

digger2014 · 09/07/2019 14:38

Hi all. I was just wondering if you think I am being unreasonable. My brother and I are thinking of taking our parents away for their 30th wedding anniversary. He and his wife have 2 young children, we don't have any children coming.

My brother and his wife want to split the cost of the cottage 50/50. They will require 2 bedrooms for the four of them whereas we will only require 1. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to pay half?

OP posts:
QueenEnid · 10/07/2019 09:00

Just managed to get to the end of the thread 😁

If you were purely looking at 3 beds then I'd say YABU as that simply doesn't adequately have enough room for everyone.

However, enough bedrooms for everyone in an area that's suitable for you all- then YANBU. I have 2 young kids and we have a decent size for them to play at home. I would not be forking out £400 to replicate that on holiday 😂😂. If your DB wants that then he should pay the difference

whateverhappenstheremore · 10/07/2019 09:08

I think it should be 50/50 as it's a gift for you parents however if he particularly wants an expensive place he should pay the difference. I think it's best you do bow out of this - are you going to start getting annoyed about splitting food bills etc ? It's just going to wind you up

Ponoka7 · 10/07/2019 09:10

"I'm not sure why this entire trip seems to be revolving around them and not our parents"
"I feel he is not considering our parents requirements in this"

They go hand in hand. I'm sure your Parents would like the space to be able to put a cup of tea down etc.

Playing outside depends on the weather. It also takes one person to supervise, so that separates the group.

That might be why he's thinking open plan.

A spaller cottage with two very young children and a dog, isn't going to be the relaxing time away that you think it is.

I'm sure (speaking as a Nan) that your Parents would rather pay towards it, rather than it not happen at all.

Howlovely · 10/07/2019 09:37

To those who are saying it is a gift so OP should pay 50/50 - the gift is to pay for her parents' stay. They are surely responsible for their own costs of their families joining their parents? I can't see how OP is seen as unreasonable here when it's actually that the brother thinks he deserves to be gifted a subsided weekend away too!

FinallyHere · 10/07/2019 10:04

I would reconsider whether this really is the right way to celebrate your parent's 30th anniversary.

Getting all the family together for a weekend can be a lovely experience, or it can be hell. What you have described, including larger rooms that the kids can run around in, sounds as if it is edging closer to hell.

Any seemingly unresolvable argument about who pays for what, and even what is required suggests the whole event should go back to the drawing board.

As for a 'fair' split of costs, I really think this depends on what stage you are in life. DC are paid for by someone. If you cannot find a way to share the goat that all are happy with, then just don't do it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/07/2019 10:10

I think you should go 50/50 on somewhere really nice for your parents and then book somewhere nearby for lunch for everyone. I'd be less bothered about paying for half of the children's food.

greenlynx · 10/07/2019 10:45

I wouldn’t go. Your brother has very wrong attitude to this trip and you will end up with a lot of resentment. Basically his family has specific needs he wants to accommodate - his children need a spare room and open plan living for supervision, there is a dog as well, it’s fine but he needs to pay for this. It’s his choice to have kids, pets and supervise children in a certain way.
It doesn’t matter that your salaries are about the same. You could be frantically saving for IVF to have kids or for the house deposit or whatever.
I was in situations before when I wanted better arrangements for my family: travelling by train instead of car or more expensive food. I always paid, because they’re my choices.

cstaff · 10/07/2019 11:52

Your brother is a CF of the highest order. He is just trying to get a good value for money holiday for his own family. The fact that he might even ask your parents for some of the money is outrageous.

If this idea hasn't been put to you folks yet I would definitely pull out and do your own thing with your parents.

Waveysnail · 10/07/2019 11:55

With your update - if he wants bigger house then he stumps up the extra

Original poster
digger2014 · 10/07/2019 12:21

Thank you so much everyone for your comments. Just to recap, I was more than happy to go 50/50 on a reasonably priced (and to be fair also reasonably sized cottage). This was deemed not good enough by my brother and he wanted us to pay for larger accommodation. We are only there for 3 nights. Ok his eldest child can be a handful but I envisaged us going out and enjoying our time away, not all being in the living room the whole time.

I have come to the conclusion that my brother and I have very different ideas about whats important and the type of holiday our parents would like.

I have subsequently spoken to him and pulled out of this. I said that we were happy to pay a reasonable amount but not for top of the range everything. My husband and I have decided to take my parents away for a long weekend abroad instead...my brother can book up whatever he decides.

OP posts:
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 10/07/2019 12:35

Good for you OP. Enjoy your holiday!

Alsohuman · 10/07/2019 12:42

Sensible solution, hope you have a great time.

Swoopinggulls · 10/07/2019 12:45

That sounds much better for you and your parents.

Would be interesting to hear what your brother arranges for them!

constantlyseekinghappiness · 10/07/2019 12:52

Good for you!!!

I’d be interested to see what the brother comes up with now that he’s on his own with the gift.

rookiemere · 10/07/2019 12:55

For the best OP. Fwiw I would imagine a weekend abroad treating DPs will come to a lot more than the £400 which shows it was about principles rather than cash.

CloudPop · 10/07/2019 13:01

Good call OP

plantingandpotting · 10/07/2019 13:10

Sensible in the long run. Enjoy your holiday!

SavingSpaces2019 · 10/07/2019 13:35

your DB is a CF who basically wants a cheap holiday - he's not making this about his parents at all, he even expects them to cough up the difference because he refuses to!
I bet he would have expected you to go 50/50 on food bills too.....

mummmy2017 · 10/07/2019 15:34

Good for you..
Bet DB was not expecting that

Summertimeatthebeach · 10/07/2019 15:40

Good for you op!! Don't backtrack mind!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/07/2019 16:16

Excellent decision, digger; I hope you have a really lovely time Flowers

HavelockVetinari · 10/07/2019 16:32

Well done OP! What did your brother say?

katewhinesalot · 10/07/2019 16:44

I think it's probably for the best.

katewhinesalot · 10/07/2019 16:45

What was his response by the way?

Original poster
digger2014 · 10/07/2019 17:06

Brother said he wishes I would have been honest with him at the start if I didn't want to go. He said they have different standards to us. Bloody cheek!

He's completely missed every point. I can't be bothered to argue...I just said it was too much money for what it was. He still thinks he's in the right and never once offered to pay more than me. Sometimes lifes too short.

OP posts:
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