AIBU? about paying for holiday

[digger2014]

Hi all. I was just wondering if you think I am being unreasonable. My brother and I are thinking of taking our parents away for their 30th wedding anniversary. He and his wife have 2 young children, we don't have any children coming.

My brother and his wife want to split the cost of the cottage 50/50. They will require 2 bedrooms for the four of them whereas we will only require 1. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to pay half?

I’d split it 50/50.

It’s not for you it’s a gift and you split the gift in half:

50/50 as the children are young

Although you both have similar incomes ,have they more O/G than you ?.With 2 small children, the costs can mount up with Nursery fees, and so on.I would "suck it up" TBH the costs are minimal, compared to casting a cloud over what should be a special family time for you all .

I think 50:50 as its a gift.

I don't think I'd ever want to charge a family member double just because they have their kids coming, even if it wasn't a gift.

Suck it up and pay half. The BiL will know it's unfair and will probably be shamed into offering you the difference. If he doesn't you will all know forever what a cheapskate he is.

Thank you all for your replies. Very much appreciated. Just to clarify.

We need a 4 bed as opposed to a 3 bed as the children need their own bedroom. This puts up the cost.

I suggested one reasonably priced one and he said it didnt have a big enough lounge and kitchen area. They are used to open plan and he says the living space needs to be big enough for the children to run around in. This further increases the cost.

Just as a matter of comparison, the cottage I found in a nice location, large garden, 4 beds was c£700. The ones he has sent to me with more room for the children to run around are c£1100.

It feels like I am having to pay a lot more to accommodate the children.

It's difficult to find 2 bedroom cottages and the difference in price between 2 and 3 bedrooms won't be very big. I think 50/50 as it's a gift and you wouldn't expect that the children would pay their share.

50/50. If they weren't taking the kids you'd be doing that, but because the kids are going you want to charge the children?

50/50. It's a joint gift. It also seems a bit churlish to me to whip the calculators out for family get-togethers, unless someone is really on the ropes financially.

We took my mum away for a birthday last year. 3 siblings in couples, 2 couples with children. Couple with no children paid for 1 room and 1/3 of parents room. The two couples with children pox for 2 rooms plus 1/3 of parents room. We were all happy with this I wouldn't expect my sibling with no children to subsidise my children.

Oh hang on I just read your update - he should pay the difference if you need to upgrade. Either split a £750 place in half (£325 each) or you pay £325 and he pays £725, if he's specifically demanding a larger area to suit his kids then he should stump up for that. CF.

The way we do it is the fact your renting the whole place not just rooms its decided equally. If it's just rooms then who has what room

Cccameron I am not tight at all. Please don't be nasty. I asked for opinions, not judgement

Tell him you like the 4 bed you found, it is only what a week, but if he wants to top it up to have the one he likes that is fine....

I was for 50/50 until he said he needed room for his children to run about inside. Outside is for running.

Well if he wants to have a bigger space for his kids, he can pay for the extra space

Have you booked yet? If not, I would offer 50/50 on the smaller cottage or 1/3:2/3 on the bigger cottage.

Also don't get stuck on food.
Tell him you will buy the things you like for you and DH....
He can do his family.. that way you can both take the extras home, as your sure he doesn't want to foot your wine bill....

No I wouldn't factor children into the cost. I'd split 50/50.

I was veering towards 50:50 but since your update I'm thinking your DBro should pay more if he wants a larger 4 bed so there's more space for the kids to run around. If you've found more several 4 beds in the £700-800 range then tell him you have an upper budget (£400?) and if he wants more space for the DCs then he'll have to stump up. Make sure you don't get the worst bedroom of the lot too!

If he's the one insisting on a bigger place to accommodate the children running around (to the tune of £400 more) I'd suggest you split the cost of the reasonable £700 cottage, and tell him if he wants to have the £1100 one just for the kids benefit, he can pay the difference!

YANBU. The gift to your parents is THEIR room, not everyone else's rooms. So, as someone has already suggested, 25% for you, 50% for your DB and you split the cots of your parent's room 50/50.

If you earn the same per household, and they have two children, you're clearly in a better financial position so don't understand your argument there!
No way! They CHOSE to have children, so there is no reason for you to subsidize them.

You agreed to go on holiday with his family so you can't then be annoyed at him making sure it suits his family's requirements, surely?

You knew he'd take the children when you first discussed it.

I don't think this plan is going to work at all OP!