Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? about paying for holiday

236 replies

digger2014 · 09/07/2019 14:38

Hi all. I was just wondering if you think I am being unreasonable. My brother and I are thinking of taking our parents away for their 30th wedding anniversary. He and his wife have 2 young children, we don't have any children coming.

My brother and his wife want to split the cost of the cottage 50/50. They will require 2 bedrooms for the four of them whereas we will only require 1. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to pay half?

OP posts:
Alwayssaythewrongthing · 09/07/2019 16:39

I would say 50/50 split but tell him that one is out of your budget and need to find one less expensive

theworldistoosmall · 09/07/2019 16:42

Would your parents actually want this gift as their present?

But I wouldn’t be subsiding your brothers holiday. You both pay for rooms needed and split the parents room. Otherwise it’s not really a gift from both is it?

Constance1234 · 09/07/2019 16:44

I agree with pp - it's a joint gift so a 50/50 split is fair.

stucknoue · 09/07/2019 16:44

If their family income is the same as yours splitting 50/50 seems fair, yes they have kids so will use one more room but their outgoings will be far higher than yours. My brothers always wanted to split despite me having the kids because they are their nieces they don't see often

BlueSkiesLies · 09/07/2019 16:47

It is a gift of taking your parents away - so it should be 50:50 in this instance I think.

mummmy2017 · 09/07/2019 16:49

But why pay £400 extra just because DB wants a bigger lounge..
No you tell him your top is £350....
That is half of somewhere you can all stay.

ImNotYourGranny · 09/07/2019 16:49

I think you should drop the whole idea. Why go on holiday with people who you're already arguing with over the costs?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/07/2019 16:50

A gift should be split 50/50. Maybe it would be better to just send your parents on holiday alone rather than a family holiday if it is already causing resentment

ZenNudist · 09/07/2019 16:53

Well if you pay 50%-50% you are paying for your parents' room and he is paying for his half of the cottage. It should be 62.5% him and 37.5% you. You both pay the rooms you need and split what youd expect parents to pay.

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/07/2019 16:55

50/50 the children don’t have an income. . Don’t be petty.

diddl · 09/07/2019 16:57

How far away are you thinking from where you all live?

Could you pay for just your parents to go away & then all join them for lunch/dinner one time?

Bluntness100 · 09/07/2019 17:00

We've done this with friends, and always split by the adults and don't count the kids. When looking for somewhere, irrelevant of who books it, we look for somewhere suitable for all, and Meets everyone's needs.

So we would do 50/50 without question. These are your nephews and nieces, not random kids, and it's a gift for your parents. If you wish to do it, then do it properly. Or don't do it at all.

Drum2018 · 09/07/2019 17:04

@MyDcAreMarvel the kids don't have an income but their parents do so it's up to their parents to fund them, not their aunt and uncle.

FrogsAreMean · 09/07/2019 17:06

If I were your brother I would CANCEL and get my own gift for the parents!

Sheesh what a palaver!

Summertimeatthebeach · 09/07/2019 17:07

Tell db you have found a place with an extra lounge for you.... Its 2k and he can pay half...

Honeyroar · 09/07/2019 17:09

I agree with people saying that if you're already arguing over costs it's just going to get worse - who pays for the cake, food, meals out etc..?

As for the original question, I'd say I'd happily pay half for the smaller house with four bedrooms, despite him taking two rooms, but you can't stretch to the posher house as its out of your budget, so if he really wants to go for that one, he needs to cover the difference (you could point out that it's his family that need the extra space..). Quite often the fourth bedroom/childrens room is much smaller in most houses, and doesn't merit an equal division in cost.

mummmy2017 · 09/07/2019 17:09

Just how do you justify £400 extra on a house for a week, that is a week's wages for some people.....

Alfiesmom15 · 09/07/2019 17:13

My family are planning a family holiday next year for my moms 60th and were splitting it by family..... one sister will have a 1 yr old, I will have 1 5 year old and my other sister has 2 kids.... were a family we all pool together without counting who has more children then the other... it's still a saving at the end of the day compared to if your holidaying alone.... it's a special occasion

Pineapplefish · 09/07/2019 17:15

Your update definitely changes things. If you're paying 50/50 then you get an equal say in the choice of property. If your DB wants a bigger property then he should be prepared to pay extra.

I think I'd just message back saying "sorry, the more expensive property is out of our budget" and see what he says, rather than quibbling over how the costs should be split. He may suggest paying more at that point.

Somersetlady · 09/07/2019 17:20

You are essentially quibbling about paying for either your niece or nephew.

If you are comfortably well off i would say yabu and a bit mean!

Howlovely · 09/07/2019 17:22

I really don't understand why some people think you should pay 50/50. Imagine if it was like this...
Sending parents on holiday as a gift, £500 for travel and hotel. You pay £250 each.
You decide to join them so you pay for your own travel and hotel. Your brother decides to bring his family along aswell so books a family suite in the hotel and hires a large car to accommodate his family. He asks you to contribute towards the cost of taking his family. Would that be fair. Of course not! You split the costs of your parents' stay and pay your fair share for everything else! Otherwise I think it might be a good idea to say you'll hire a couple of cottages and do it that way. Does he expect you to pay for his children's meals etc when you go out too?

katewhinesalot · 09/07/2019 17:22

I'd say because it is a gift to your parents, that you are prepared to pay 50/50 on the smaller house despite the fact that they need the extra bedroom but you aren't prepared to subsidise their extra bedroom and the more expensive house. That's a bit beyond what you are expecting to pay.

LittleGwyneth · 09/07/2019 17:27

Surely you pay for the rooms you each use and then you split your parents 50/50, so you pay for 1.5 rooms and he pays for 2.5 rooms. Hardly seems fair otherwise.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/07/2019 17:28

Just as a matter of comparison, the cottage I found in a nice location, large garden, 4 beds was c£700. The ones he has sent to me with more room for the children to run around are c£1100

In trying to trade up because you're subbing the cost, he's actually just made it a lot easier for you. I'd offer a 50/50 split if he'll accept the £700 place, but a 1.5 / 2.5 bedroom split if he insists on the larger one

NailsNeedDoing · 09/07/2019 17:28

Pay half if he goes for the smaller property, but if he wants the bigger one, he can pay for it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread