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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? about paying for holiday

236 replies

digger2014 · 09/07/2019 14:38

Hi all. I was just wondering if you think I am being unreasonable. My brother and I are thinking of taking our parents away for their 30th wedding anniversary. He and his wife have 2 young children, we don't have any children coming.

My brother and his wife want to split the cost of the cottage 50/50. They will require 2 bedrooms for the four of them whereas we will only require 1. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to pay half?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 09/07/2019 15:24

REally the issue is that he wants a more expensive house than you.

Why not say "I can only really afford £350/£400/whatever for accommodation. If it is going to cost more than that I think we are going to have to think again." and see what happens?

Nottobesoldseparately · 09/07/2019 15:24

I am the childless sibling, out of 4.
It depends on the cost for me as to whether I split things down the middle.

If we booked a cottage on a similar basis, we would need 7 rooms. My 2 nieces would share and my 2 nephews would share.

If the cost was for example £700, and we split between the 4 siblings, it would be £175 each. If I paid for my own room and a quarter share of my parents, it would be £125. Not worth even mentioning £50.

If, the cost was the more likely price of for example £3000 the difference would be £215 that would make a massive difference to our budget and would warrant a conversation. I adore my nieces and nephews but it's not up to me and DH to pay for them.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 09/07/2019 15:25

OP it's a reasonable question and one that comes up a lot.

I'm torn. The gift element does muddy the waters for sure.

sweetheart · 09/07/2019 15:26

I'm really surpised at all the people saying 50/50 here to be honest. I have 2 siblings neither of them have children and I have 2. There is no way I would ever expect them to pay extra to accomodate my 2 children.

bridgetreilly · 09/07/2019 15:26

I honestly think you would be best just splitting 50/50. I understand that the holiday is costing quite a lot more because of the children coming, but they are part of the family and your parents will, presumably be happy to have them there. Try to think of that as part of the present for them.

Plus it will be MUCH better for all of you if the children have enough space to run around, especially outside.

If you really can't manage 50/50, maybe 60/40 is fair. I would not be insisting on 62.5/37.5 or 66/33 or whatever.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 09/07/2019 15:26

Tell him your budget. If he wants to choose something fancier than that then he can pay the additional cost.

IsAStormApporaching · 09/07/2019 15:27

If you pay 50:50
Your db is paying for his 2 rooms ie his family.
And you are paying for 2 rooms ie you/dh's room and parents room. So it would only be you gifting your parents with the trip.

A fair split is you pay for 1 and 1/2 rooms. And db pay for 2 and 1/2 rooms.

Swoopinggulls · 09/07/2019 15:29

You're spending a week in this cottage, six adults and two young children?

I wouldn't underestimate the benefit of having plenty of space! Ok, children shouldn't be running around indoors but still...…..

He does seem to have expensive taste, but in this case if I could afford it I would go halves rather than go crazy in a smaller house.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 09/07/2019 15:32

I'd also want a decent living area when eight people are going to be in each other's pockets for a week, children or no children. I'd want my parents to enjoy their gift.

babysharkah · 09/07/2019 15:32

Joint gift - 50 / 50. Shared holiday not a gift, then split by rooms.

MatildaTheCat · 09/07/2019 15:34

Consider looking at small holiday developments with different cottages. Then maybe hire one 2bed for them and either another 2bed for you and your parents or two 1 beds. I much prefer having personal space with the option of spending lots of time and eating main meals together.

And it wouldn’t surprise me if your parents preferred this to spending a full week with a couple of boisterous young DC no matter how loved they are.

What a nice thing to do for your parents though.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/07/2019 15:37

If you can’t afford it fine to quibble. But
I think it’s quite nasty as an auntie to say “to accommodate the children”...they are your relatives

escapade1234 · 09/07/2019 15:37

We’ve done thus several times. Depends on your perspective. We always split equally irrespective of rooms and children. We view it as a gift to our parents and they live having everyone around. We are a family and it takes a big house to house us all.

You should try to view it as one family rather than three separate groups.

Aworldofmyown · 09/07/2019 15:38

Just tell him you have a budget of £X - so your happy to pay 50/50 if its within that budget. If he wants to go over that then he will have to pay the extra.

user1480880826 · 09/07/2019 15:38

It is a gift but the gift is meant to be for your parents, not your brother. Therefore you shouldn’t be subsidizing his holiday. You should pay for your bedroom + half of your parents room. Your brother should pay for his 2x bedrooms + half of your parents bedroom.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 09/07/2019 15:40

Honestly i would reconsider. Either way there will be tension now. I’d suggest you split the cost of sending your parents away on their own.

Summertimeatthebeach · 09/07/2019 15:40

The thing with 50 /50 imo is they will expect food /days out to be 50 /50 when they have 2 dc.....
Cfs imo...

bloodywhitecat · 09/07/2019 15:41

Remind him it's not about what he would like, it's about what your parents would like. He's got a bit of a cheek, it's a holiday not a life commitment.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 09/07/2019 15:43

I thought 50/50 until I saw the update. Could you divide it by the number of bedrooms? So 1100 is 275 per room, you pay 412.50, he pays 687.50.
Then you’ve paid for your room and half your parents, he’s paying for 2 rooms plus half your parents
He’s being an ass wanting all that extra space so let him pay for it.

Andylion · 09/07/2019 15:43

YANBU. The gift to your parents is THEIR room, not everyone else's rooms. So, as someone has already suggested, 25% for you, 50% for your DB and you split the cots of your parent's room 50/50.

^This

To the posters who are asking if you would charge the children, no, it's charging the parents of those children. Anything else is ridiculous.

Rachelover40 · 09/07/2019 15:45

You're not being unreasonable but it does seem a bit mean to want your brother to pay half if it doesn't cause you financial problems. In your place, I would pay half and if I couldn't, I'd suggest doing something else less expensive.

Justmuddlingalong · 09/07/2019 15:47

Who's paying the deposit for any damages to the property, what with the kids running about in it?
Will the food and drink bill be slit 50/50 too?
How will the bedrooms work? Who decides who gets which room?

Drum2018 · 09/07/2019 15:49

Given your update I'd tell your brother to shove his choice of expensive cottage up his hole. He doesn't get to dictate that you have to pay towards accommodating his kids. Tell him it's the cheaper cottage or he pays the difference in cost if he wants the more expensive one. Even at that I'd still only pay a third of the cost of the cheaper one. And make damn sure they know you will not be paying for their kids food if you eat out. He's a CF!

CrunchTime0 · 09/07/2019 15:50

I’d still say pay 50/50 given the update.

luckygreeneyes · 09/07/2019 15:52

We’re sharing a house for a week with my DSis and BIL, DM and her DH next year: we’ve counted the kids as half a person so 6 adults + 2 kids = 7, we pay 3/7 then DSis 2/7 and DM 2/7

My kids will take the smallest room obviously