AIBU? about paying for holiday

[digger2014]

Hi all. I was just wondering if you think I am being unreasonable. My brother and I are thinking of taking our parents away for their 30th wedding anniversary. He and his wife have 2 young children, we don't have any children coming.

My brother and his wife want to split the cost of the cottage 50/50. They will require 2 bedrooms for the four of them whereas we will only require 1. Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to pay half?

Tell him that you are prepared to pay £400 for it and that is your contribution. You feel that there are many reasonable options within this price range that can accommodate everyone (this then is roughly 1.5 to 2.5 of the 1100 one)

If he wants something else he needs to pay for it

Great idea @MatildaTheCat, its what my MIL does when we all go away. A lot less stress.

I couldn’t be arsed not going 50/50 personally. It just comes across as petty.

Can you afford it?
That's the main question.
I wouldn't mind paying 50/50 for nephews & nieces. If I could afford it.

Personally this idea sounds like a recipe for chaos and resentment. Why not just divide the cost of sending your parents away on their own?

If it were me I’d say I’d pay half for the cheaper cottage and he’ll need to pay the difference if he wants a more expensive one.

I don't think that it being a gift changes things tbh.

Op's parents won't get any use out of three of the rooms.

Supposing they all stayed separately.

They'd pay for what they wanted/needed plus a half share of the parents.

Why shouldn't it also apply here?

I'd say that maybe you should pay £500 and they can pay £600. That's more than fair.

I would say "I am able to put £400 max towards it" and let him decide if he wants the bigger place that much to warrant paying the extra

Definitely not 50/50. They want you to subsidise their holiday basically. Say your top budget is £350 and anything above that they have yo pay themselves. I'm sorry but no way would I be £200 out of pocket because someone else wants a bigger space and then expects me to pay for it.

Difficult, because unlike a hotel you don't just use bedrooms, you have a lounge, hallway, toilet etc. I remember with houseshares the floor size was calculated taking out for wardrobes and it was done as a proportion e.g.

total size of house is 1000 (700 shared space)
bedroom one is 200
bedroom two is 100

bedroom one has access to 900
bedroom two has access to 800

bedroom one pays 9/17 £530
bedroom two 8/17 £470

Obviously I wouldn't calculate it down to the nitty gritty but that's the way I remember it being officially done.

So them having two bedrooms vs one wouldn't mean paying double for that. It isn't weighted like that with communal areas too.

brother - 2 rooms
you - 1 room
parents - 1 room
communal rooms ??

I think they should pay for two rooms plus half of your folks room. You then pay for your own room and the other half of your folks room.

Unless your db is typically a generous person and always splits bills even when it means he pays more.

Consider *@MatildaTheCat *'s idea - 2 or 3 cottages on one development e.g farm courtyard type place, longs as one of the cottages has enough space for you all to gather together. Maybe your brother & family can have the bigger cottage. Where are you heading to?

You each pay enough to cover the costs of your family who will be coming, and then you split the cost associated with your DPs going 50/50 between DB and yourself.

So in a 4 bed cottage:
DB: 2 rooms + 50% of DPs room = 2.5 rooms
OP: 1 room +50% of DPs room = 1.5 rooms

And DPs get any room with en suite or master room - or else DB gets that but his entire family use that bathroom and the other bathroom is shared between OP and DPs.

Just seen that he wants one for 1100 instead of 700. In that case I'd say "let's split the 700 equally then and if you really need the 1100 one then you will have to pay the difference".

The fact is that you have chosen to celebrate their anniversary together as a family, and that family includes 2 children. It's going to be a much nicer holiday for everyone involved, including you and your mum and dad, if there are adequate bedrooms and space for the kids to run around so I can totally understand your brother looking at properties that are just that bit more expensive. It's a treat for your parents after all. As long as you can afford it I don't see an issue. I'd just be splitting the cost of the break with my brother.

I also like the idea of more than 1 accommodation allowing everyone some space!!

(Voice of experience of adult family gatherings...!)

I think the difference between paying 1.5 of the cost (your room plus 1/2 your parents) and going 50/50 is about $138. It may be more fair to do 1.5/2.5, but I personally wouldn't quibble over $138.

I agree that MatildaTheCat's suggestion makes a lot of sense.

The OP hasn't said what their family relationships are like, but for a family holiday to succeed you have to all get on well in the first place. If the grandparents are hands on, it could be an exhausting week for them. If they're not that involved, it could get on their nerves.
A bit of space after a day spent together makes it less of a strain for all.

Or as a pp suggested, just pay for the parents to go away on their own. It depends what they would prefer.

I'd tell him you're willing to pay half the cost of the £700 cottage or a third of the cost of the more expensive one. His choice.

My sister attempted something similar with me. My mum had always wanted to go to a certain place since she was young. I suggest my sister and I took her for her 70th. I was not well off, but found a deal that would have been reasonable. It was by coach, but we used to do coach holidays when we were younger so not an unknown quantity.

My sister kicked off and refused to go by coach, rather insisting we went by plane. There was no way I could have afforded my share, and despite being very rich there was no way my sister would have paid the extra. So we didn't go. I ended up taking her myself a year later.

Don't do it.
You'll be arguing about the cost for years beyond the holiday. Or worse, not arguing but simmering silently. Honestly I think there's no way of resolving this one.

The difference between 50/50 and 2.5/1.5 is more than £138 if DB gets his way about the bigger house.

Each room £275

DB costs: £687.50
OP costs: £412.50

Difference: £275

That's a lot of nice port and wine to enjoy after a celebratory dinner!! (If you want to look at it that way).

What exactly has your brother said about the split?

Sounds like he may be upgrading the accommodation based on you subbing him. I also think the gift but is irrelevant. You are only covering your parents part.

Push back on the bigger house citing it’s too expensive. If it’s just for a couple of nights then the kids can manage in a smaller place. Or ask if he’d pay the difference between the more reasonable size and the one he wants

I'd have mentioned the cost when he insisted on a bigger place.
"Sorry, that's out of our price range" Then it's up to him to offer to pay the extra for child run around space.