AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

OP you mean there is a clear difference in the way they are allowed to behave.

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

^

Agreed.

I have a boy.

OP you mean there is a clear difference in the way they are allowed to behave

Exactly. Not the kids’s faults at all. One of the boys made another child cry (not my DD this time) and he went to give them a hug. Sweet, smiling little lad. No manners on the slide at all, and his mum letting him get away with it to the detriment of everyone else.

If what ANY child is doing is obstructive or dangerous I think it is easier to say very loudly eg- go up the steps boys/girls as you are blocking the way.

If the parents are bothered they may come over but I would see that as ideal to smile and say “need eyes in the back of your head!”

@francesdrake

I believe you have witnessed boys doing this more than girls. But you’ve pissed mothers of boys (in my case, mother-to-be of a boy) off by making more of an issue of the sex of the children, rather than the fact their parents are ignoring them doing this.

Also agree your daughter is at an age that if (for whatever reason) it keeps happening, she can learn to stick up for herself. This is not to excuse the other children’s behaviour and their parents’ disregard of it: that’s not acceptable. But you work with the situation as it is rather than how you’d like it to be.

As for “if I had boys, they’d probably be shy” - I mean, how can you possibly know?!?

I have a theory that the lack of boundaries for children today is contributing to anxiety when they are older.

As for “if I had boys, they’d probably be shy” - I mean, how can you possibly know?!?

I don’t know. I said probably. I was shy as a child and had to learn to stand up for myself. I’m teaching my DD (we did a role play when we got home: “What do you say when...?”). But she shouldn’t have to stand up for herself because other parents aren’t parenting. It makes it less fun for everyone when a couple of kids are allowed to dominate the play.

But she shouldn’t have to stand up for herself because other parents aren’t parenting. It makes it less fun for everyone when a couple of kids are allowed to dominate the play.

Actually I'd say that learning to stand up for oneself is a vital life skill.

I'm gonna hop on here, I have 4 boys and a girl, and would class myself as a pretty good parent, I'm strict and always teaching them to respect people, be kind and tell the truth etc etc..

But by far my GIRL is far worse behaved than any of my boys have ever been. So that generalisation bothers me a little..

End of the day every single child is this world will take liberties and try and push the boundaries if their not being supervised properly, regardless of whether their male or female..so 100% the parent fault and not the fact that their boys

Actually I'd say that learning to stand up for oneself is a vital life skill.

And one she is being taught. It’s not an excuse for adults letting their children try to walk all over her and not teaching them manners.

You lost all credibility with your sexist comment. I have two boys and neither would have behaved like this at any age. Some parents are shit and raise children with no boundaries, it's not determined by their sex.

Your shy DD will be blocked by boys/any confident entitled person all the days of her life. You can (and should) complain about society but at the same time, this is life, it is your job to teach her how to push them out of the way and take what is hers. A shy child needs extra parental support to learn those skills. DD hearing that her meekness is good, right and nice whereas the bolshy are awful doesn't help her much in the long run.

I too hated under parenting at soft play. Still, it is a microcosm of life.

TowelNumber42

And I am teaching her (like I keep saying). It’s not what the thread is about.

I agree lunar
Think this post would have went very differently had she not made the comment about boys..totally irrelevant whether their boy or girl, the fact is the parents weren't supervising them and that's the issue not the fact that they were boys

What a weird coincidence, then. You’d think I would see more girls doing it.

I have a girl who is loud and outgoing (and would never be allowed to get away with this behaviour, BTW). People always assume she's a boy. Always always always. Even if she's wearing a shirt with some girl-themed slogan on it.

They're preschoolers FFS, all they care about at that age is themselves

Hence, why it's the parents responsibility to teach them otherwise.

Hmm. Gender stereotyping or not, positive risk taking creates successful individuals. Resilience is also a life skill, more of a mind set really. That also needs to be taught.

busymum303

Of course it’s relevant, if people are clearly disciplining their little boys very differently to their little girls. Lots of people here have accused me of sexism but I can’t see how this observation is an example of that. Isn’t it more sexist that people let their male children get away with behaviour they discourage in girls?

As a mother of quite shy girls I don’t see the issue here. So some children prefer to climb up a slide rather that the conventional way of whizzing down it. Why is that wrong? It’s a perfectly valid way of using play equipment for fun and exercise. Your DD would have had to wait her turn if there had been a queue of kids wanting to use the slide in the traditional way so why shouldn’t she wait if some other little kids wanted to climb up it? It’s all part and parcel of learning to share and play with other children who won’t all like the same things she does.

And good luck with finding a remote area of the world where every child will play her way and put her interests first. Maybe Stepford might be the place?

I was a childminder and early years practitioner for many years.

I often noticed that it was usually the boys who were boisterous and behaved in less acceptable ways.

I also noticed that it didn't take any of the children in my care long to learn the rules and play appropriately. They all knew that you didn't climb up the slide if there were other children wanting to use it.

It's anecdotal but I think it probably is true to say that lot of people accept more boisterous behaviour and more breaking of social rules from boys. However, that doesn't mean the boys themselves are at fault.

So some children prefer to climb up a slide rather that the conventional way of whizzing down it. Why is that wrong? It’s a perfectly valid way of using play equipment for fun and exercise. Your DD would have had to wait her turn if there had been a queue of kids wanting to use the slide in the traditional way so why shouldn’t she wait if some other little kids wanted to climb up it? It’s all part and parcel of learning to share and play with other children who won’t all like the same things she does.

For a start because it’s dangerous.

Then because it’s a slide.

Then because they weren’t actually letting anyone else have a go. They were climbing up down, up down, up down, faster than everyone else and actually climbing over them and pushing them.

I get it, she's your first. You've not had the other side of the coin yet op so can't see how boys and girls are different. I have one of each, I'm a strict parent. I parent them equally but also differently because they are separate human beings with different personalities and needs.
You will remember this thread and cringe if you have another child one day....especially if you have a boisterous girl who screams like a banshee in softplay!

OP you mean there is a clear difference in the way they are allowed to behave.

I observed this yesterday. Mixed party at the swimming pool - at guess 9/10 year olds. Boys came out first from the male changing room, ran around the viewing area, making a lot of noise (think animal noises) and getting in the way. The girls were told, as they came out of the female changing room, to sit down and wait nicely (and largely did, they chatted and stood up, but no running and no shrieking). It was a really clear example of the different ways girls and boys are parented, and the different expectations of their behaviour.

OP do you not see how unfair your comment was? Or unnecessary? What difference does it make if they were boys or girls? What difference does it make if it was boys last time? It's the behaviour that's the problem, not their sex.
I grew up in a very balanced house and was never led to believe I would be anything less than my brother. My mam used to joke that I got all the fire. I hate people assuming I am weak or daft or whatever because im a woman so I hate the idea that people will look at my son and assume he is a bully or naughty...or when he's older, a threat.

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

How is this at all relevant? Would it have been fine if it were girls doing it? No, of course not.