AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Ime it usually is the boys climbing up the slide. Sure, I've seen girls doing it, but usually it's the boys. Why? I think this kind of behaviour is generally tolerated more in boys. In general of course. As a society we do treat boys differently

I’ve got a problem with the way people seem to raise boys differently to girls. Because it really is nearly always boys.

But you're doing it too - blaming boisterous behaviour on boys for the fact that they are boys, portraying your female child as gentle and shy, wishing you could take her someone remote to get away from the rough boys like some princess in a tower.

We were at a local park with a huge sandpit yesterday. One toddler delighted from throwing sand in my daughter's face, and then picked up pebbles and threw them at another kid. And then did it again. His mum was on her phone about 10m away. When I told him off for the third time I got a load of abuse.

He was a boy. Nothing to do with that but the fact his mum couldn't be arsed to parent him.

hobnobsaremyfave

Maybe it is my fault she’s shy. Maybe not. I don’t see how her being less shy would make these kids’ behaviour okay. It’s rude and dangerous, whether the child you’re obstructing and whose go you’re ruining is shy or not.

But you're doing it too - blaming boisterous behaviour on boys for the fact that they are boys, portraying your female child as gentle and shy, wishing you could take her someone remote to get away from the rough boys like some princess in a tower.

No, I’d probably have shy boys if I had boys. I just have a girl. Nothing to do with blaming the fact that they’re boys, I’m blaming their parents for not teaching them manners.

I didn't say that it made their behaviour ok

I don’t see how her being less shy would make these kids’ behaviour okay.

You could teach her to tell them to move.

why girls’ mums are always so smug? (How about this generalisation?)

MauisHouseOnMaui

And I am. But why should she have to? Why can’t their parents teach them how to behave?

I’m blaming their parents for not teaching them manners

They're preschoolers FFS, all they care about at that age is themselves.

Hmm but you didn't talk about naughty children
You made a big deal out of the boy thing
No their behaviour is not acceptable
But then as the parent of three boys and a daughter I've seen (and dealt with) poor behaviour from all of them
Their behaviour was related to their age and developmental stage
Not what genitals they possessed

My boys are more likely to be the ones crying about it rather than being boisterous tbh. I get what you mean about the way in society we treat boys/girls differently even as children but my experience of my childrens' classes is that the girls are far more crazy and boisterous. That is just anecdotal though.

There's quite a lot of research that shows there's higher parental tolerance of 'boisterous' behaviour in boys, rather than girls.

Boys aren't more naturally boisterous than girls, girls are just policed out of the slide climbing, cozy-coupe stealing etc very early on.

hobnobsaremyfave

Let’s maybe forget the fact she’s shy then. It’s irrelevant.

MauisHouseOnMaui

No, the parents were both at least thirty.

Sorry, but you lost any sympathy when you said it was always boys.

Your attitude is so wrong in every way.

Ooh maybe she'll grow up to be a bitchy girl
See
Stereotyping behaviour because of gender isn't nice
3 boys in my house
3 very different characters

It’s dog eat dog in soft play. Probably best to get your daughter used to it and standing up for herself.

Mind you I turn into a sergeant major in soft play, though I specialise in turfing older kids out of the baby area.

Let’s maybe forget the fact she’s shy then. It’s irrelevant.

Is it though? Because I know my DD would give such children a brusque "move!" before launching herself down the slide regardless of whether they did or not and I wouldn't have to be getting involved with speaking to other parents.

My DC2 is a very gentle, docile little boy (2.4). He always seem to gets grief off little girls when we go to soft play. I watch him like a hawk so I know it isn't him. But there you go, in my experience it's feral little girls. And I have a daughter too, so I'm neutral in the girl/boy parenting debate.

TheFaerieQueene

But it is. This place has been open about a year. I’ve seen one or two girls doing this. Must have seen fifteen boys, at least. There’s a clear difference in the way they behave.

Because I know my DD would give such children a brusque "move!" before launching herself down the slide regardless of whether they did or not and I wouldn't have to be getting involved with speaking to other parents.

Good for her.

I have a girl and a boy (both in secondary school now).

I remember once at soft play a little girl kept pushing my son when he was about 4. I was paying attention and told him to ignore it and play in other places, the little girl kept following him. He pushed her back after the 5th/6th time. Then the little girl cried, her mother finally looked up from her phone and shouted at me saying my boy was disgusting for pushing a girl, she complained to the staff when they came over to stop her shouting at me. She was told that she should have been paying attention and stopped her child pushing mine. She was not very happy and left.

Mums of girls are very precious in my experience and let them get away with poor behaviour simply because they're girls.

I was with you OP until the boys comment. Stop with the generalisations, it weakens your argument.

Softplay is full of rough kids boffing each other on the head and crybabies whining to mummy when they can’t get a go on the slide.

They’re toddlers. This is what they do.