AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

I have 2 boys. The eldest would never have behaved like that, the second may have done up until the age of about 2. He was very adventurous and could be thoughtless at times. Both were raised in exactly the same way but I quickly realised that I needed to ‘helicopter’ DS2 far more closely than DS1. So, nothing to do with parents of boys being utterly useless but everything to do with second child syndrome and a totally different personality.

Incidentally, DS2 is now a delightful 9 year old who bear to accidentally bump into a small child because he is so sensitive.

Worst behaviour I ever saw was a Year 2 girl deliberately shove another girl into a row of coat pegs. Really vicious. The mother thinks the daughter is an angel.

We just came from the sand pit where 2 sisters about 5 or 6 were both throwing sand in my 4 year old boys face.
I moved him away saying they won't stop lets move. The abuse the mother gave me was over the top!
I held my own. They left.
Some kids and parents need toughening up, some need to learn manners. It all depends on who you get on the day.

quite right OP I just had a quick google and I was wrong

So many defensive posters. OP is not suggesting the problem is all boys. She's suggesting the bad behaviour is usually carried out by boys. I'm really baffled that anyone who has spent any length of time watching children play disagrees with this. Of course there are boisterous girls and quiet gentle boys, but in general, the behaviour the op describes is carried out by boys. I have girls and boys, and while my own children don't completely fit the stereotypes, I've spent enough time in playgrounds and with their friends to know this is generally true. And I do believe much of this is down to what we find "acceptable" behaviour from boys and girls. Despite my own ds being quite shy, I'm not in the least bit offended by what the op has said. I agree with her observations. I'm really surprised the way this thread has gone.

LauderSyme

That’s okay.

@francescadrake my boys would never behave like you've described, because of my parenting, my girls wouldn't either, because of, you guessed it, my parenting, my friends two girls however? Heathens. So in your experience it's nearly always boys, in my experience it's nearly always girls.

why girls’ mums are always so smug? I was in a local shopping centre recently. There was another woman in my age group i.e. ancient, and a young mum with baby in buggy. We were admiring the baby and the other "ancient" woman commented on what a lovely dress she was wearing. The mother said, "Yes, she's a really girly girl." She was 4 weeks old, the mother told us. We were both trying not to laugh. I couldn't work out if it was more ridiculous to categorise a baby like that or to delude yourself that your 4 week old baby had any say in what she was wearing. She could hardly ask for a pair of levi's and a shirt could she.

The world of parents is divided into those who actively parent and those who don't. The two sides are never more apparent than at soft sodding play.

Slide climbers are annoying as fuck. It takes no time to explain why they shouldn't climb slides when someone is trying to come down. They try when they are two. By the time they are four, they should know better.

In all parks kids go up slides, it doesn't mean they have bad parents it's just something kids do. I am sure your daughter will climb up a slide at some point in her life! You said you saw them going up the slide so I don't understand why you let your shy and emotional daughter use it.

It could have just as easily been the boys crying if while they were going up the slide someone came down and kicked them in the face.

Of course kids want to climb up slides, but surely your job as a parent is to explain why it's quite a bad idea, both in terms of safety and courtesy.

You said you saw them going up the slide so I don't understand why you let your shy and emotional daughter use it.

WTF?

So my child should have to wait indefinitely while these other badly-behaved children misuse the equipment? What would I be teaching her then?

I am aghast that anyone would say this.

Op: Am I being unreasonable?
Responses: by wilfully continuing to tar ALL boys with the same brush, yes you are. It’s far more to do with standard of parenting.
OP: I’m not being unreasonable.

YAWN.

Not all boys are like that, my DS is shy quiet and sweet. My DD is the boisterous one.

And I haven’t said otherwise. Nor am I being smug. It upsets me that she is a bit shy, because it means she gets upset when other children behave badly. That’s not smug. But their lazy-arsed parents should be teaching them better behaviour.

My DS is quite boisterous and definitely not shy. He has manners though, and tends to be quite gentle when dealing with a child who is quiet.

He waits his turn on the slide too 🤷🏼‍♀️

Children will always be boisterous, it’s not your place to tell them off unless they’re actually battering your child

I’ll tell off a child who is being allowed to climb over and scare multiple other children over a period of 10-15 minutes if I want. If their parents have an issue with that, maybe they should get off their phones and parent their own kids.

I do think that perhaps some parents are more likely to accept certain behaviours from their sons, and seek to justify them as acceptable, as 'boys being boys' - so being pushy, aggressive, that sort of thing.

Well I know they are, I've heard enough of it.

And then there's the 'well, girls will be girls', parents, who accept and seek to justify bitchiness and non-physical bullying, such as exclusion, and spreading rumours. . .

Neither sets of behaviours are actually justified on the basis of sex, or should be tolerated as a result of it. In either sex.

We tend to let boys get away with bad behaviour and tend not to let girls. Unfortunately that is the message we send out that's it's more acceptable for boys to misbehave. If we see a girl behaving in the same way we tend to think the whole family is bad.

I think perhaps that you're possibly pre-disposed towards noticing the boys behaving in such a manner, while perhaps not so much with the girls? A bit of confirmation bias going on maybe!

I think this is very likely and it does happen. I've seen it at a play centre locally, little girl wants something boy won't give it to her and girl runs to her mother who then complains boy is being rough, snatched the toy or whatever. A few times I've intervened and told the mothers what actually happened.

It is true about being invisible when you are older, I often see things that others miss due to my invisibility.

I’ll tell off a child who is being allowed to climb over and scare multiple other children over a period of 10-15 minutes if I want. If their parents have an issue with that, maybe they should get off their phones and parent their own kids. Nothing wrong with that, if you say you will always tell boys off because it is always boys is wrong.

Nothing wrong with that, if you say you will always tell boys off because it is always boys is wrong.

I’d tell a girl off, too. I did, when a girl hit my child. I said, “No, don’t hit her.” And would so do again.

Kids being shy is okay, kids being rude is not ...

Soft play is bloody horrible. We went a while back and there were so many kids over the height limit and they were jumping on each other from height and holding each other in headlocks. My DD is only little - I honestly think she could've been seriously hurt by the kids doing this. I honestly think it's partially the soft play's job to make sure it's safe for children and enforce their own rules.

We usually go to a lovely one that's a bit further away where the owner is frequently telling children (nicely) to follow the rules. It also seems to shame the adults into making sure their kids are behaving. It's a much nicer atmosphere!!

I work in an environment that’s about 80% male and, sadly, the adult equivalent of slide climbing and shoving goes on from my male colleagues quite frequently. So, frankly, I’d not survive long if I wasn’t confident enough to speak up for myself.

My parents taught me resilience and I learned it for myself along the way. Because my mum isn’t there now to step in when some dude interrupts me in a meeting for the umpteenth time. Never too young to learn.