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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/07/2019 10:37

Cancel or find things that will keep you busy most days. My parents also own a villa. They wouldnt entertain the thought of going when me or my siblings were there nor anyone else who rented it

ThistleDownHair · 08/07/2019 10:37

Wow!

Have you explained to them the massive impact this will have on your holiday? If you do and they insist on going I’d be looking at alternative accommodation and NOT meet up when them during the holiday. They are being massively unreasonable.

Of course it’s lively they are not taking money from you but I think that’s a standard family thing to do. I go to s relatives holiday home m, book well in advance, make sure it’s left sparkling and giceb token money towards bills.

AskMeHow · 08/07/2019 10:38

At least you haven't given them any money. I would book your own apartment now with the money you offered and not stay with them at all. If they kick up a fuss just say it's going to be overcrowded and you want your own space. Say you'll meet up with them for meals or come to their place for a day or two instead.

notapizzaeater · 08/07/2019 10:40

Can you book an apartment nearby and just visit when you want to

Sciurus83 · 08/07/2019 10:43

Go somewhere else!

Kashali · 08/07/2019 10:46

Cancel or find somewhere else to stay and don't ask again as they will turn up every time.
They obviously want to spend time with you.

Ayemama · 08/07/2019 10:47

You're not being unreasonable. It's bad enough that they have suddenly decided they are going but to then refuse to share a room when they know that 6 other folk are going and will have to be crowded into two rooms is incredible!
Have they given a reason as to why they suddenly invited themselves?
I'd say other accommodations if you can afford it

Snowy81 · 08/07/2019 10:48

Book an air Ann with the money you saved that they declined. Problem solved.

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 10:49

Just book another apartment nearby.

I would put it on a credit card if I had to. No way would I share with them. It will be a hideous waste of money and no holiday.

Drum2018 · 08/07/2019 10:50

Find an Airbnb in a different area but near enough the airport you're flying to. No way would I stay with them for a week give the circumstances you have outlined.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/07/2019 10:51

100% book something else. Anything else is better than this!

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 10:51

Plenty of wannabe travel agents on MN! Just tell us which airport you are flying to, dates and budget.

The Hive Mind will sort it!

Sarahjconnor · 08/07/2019 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

werideatdawn · 08/07/2019 10:54

Book another villa or hotel with the money you would have given them.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:55

It's madness isn't it? It would be okay ish if there was enough room as although they can be difficult they are nice people.
The children will fight like cats if they are Al put in one small double room as they are of that age.
His parents are elderly and so can't watch the children alone etc as they are not capable really, which is a shame for them as they could take the older grandchildren for a week otherwise.
Dp won't stand up to them, so it's awkward, as it will be 100 % be coming from me.
The sleeping arrangements etc I could probably live with if I had to but I know his dad will drag dp out and I am not being left with his mother and 4 children (3 of whom are not mine) for the majority of a holiday.
I'd honestly rather stay home with a padding pool and the ice cream van/zoo trips.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:56

I've looked and it's peak school holiday season, everything decent is booked or horrifically expensive for a family of 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:58

I'd originally suggested a euro amp nearby as it was cheap (a year in advance) with loads of kids clubs etc. But that's gone now and due to where it is, accommodation isn't readily available

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 08/07/2019 10:58

i'd look for something else, i wouldn't be arsey about it just very matter of fact and 'of course it's your house, absolutely respect that, it's just the children can't share, the older ones are too old now, and the baby wakes them up, you understand of course' and i'd be really really cagey about where it is and very unavailable to them the whole time you are there. it's the dcs' holiday too and they don't need you feeling stressed and unhappy, and they'll want to see their dad not have him poached to go fishing with grandad or whatever their hobby is.

livefornaps · 08/07/2019 10:59

Well then tell us where it is and we will find you somewhere else.

MadameButterface · 08/07/2019 11:00

ah that is such a shame :( i'd stay home and have a staycation with the baby, if the older ones are going to be disappointed suggest your dh takes them, he can deal with it all, wash your hands of it, he might grow some bollocks in future then.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:00

I know. I just wanted a nice boring holiday in Europe. Beaches, pools, random day trip somewhere and relax.
I'm going to have to man up speak to dp properly and to them, say its lovely and they are super kind etc but it's not workable

OP posts:
TremblingFanjo · 08/07/2019 11:01

How much money will you get back from the airfares - taxes etc?

I'd make a stand and not go. Otherwise you'll have a totally shit week Doing Everything as well as seething at PIL and hating on DP - and knowing full well it'll happen again.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 08/07/2019 11:01

Maybe the youngest can develop 'chicken pox' and you can stay home with him? Then your dh can have a holiday with his children and parents and you can stay well out of it

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:02

Madsmbutrerface - I did suggest that tbh as an off the cuff comment. But it like to spend some time with the older ones in anon baby/work/school run chaos and for the siblings to all have quality time together.

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 08/07/2019 11:04

Could you do it the other way around and suggest to the in laws you book them somewhere close by? It would be easier to find accommodation for two adults at shortish notice. Explain to them why you don’t want them coming. Even it it causes a row now surely that’s better than on the holiday itself. I feel disappointed for you!!