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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
cranstonmanor · 08/07/2019 12:26

Can you tell us which country? It's not really outo g and there are a lot of europeans on this forum that might be able to suggest cheap accomodatiob.

cranstonmanor · 08/07/2019 12:26

*outing

MadameButterface · 08/07/2019 12:27

the accommodation for you and your baby 30 mins away sounds like a perfect compromise. you still get a holiday, your dsc still get a holiday, you still get family time with all the children, plus you get to take yourself off to your little base leaving your dh to cop for dealing with all the overcrowding issues. i get that it's still not what you had planned and you must be heartily disappointed but at least you're cushioned a bit, and it will make him face up to the type of shit his parents like to pull.

MotherOfSoupDragons · 08/07/2019 12:27

I'm almost hyperventilating just reading this. What selfish bastards. No such thing as a free lunch, OP. FlowersWine

LillianGish · 08/07/2019 12:27

Do the DSCs not normally live with you? Do you think your ILs have done this as a way of spending time with them? I just can’t Imagine why they would this otherwise. There really is no such thing as a free holiday! In that situation if baby is tiny I’d be tempted to tell your DH to take the DSCs on holiday with his parents while you stay at home with the baby - is there anyone you could spend a few days with in the uK for a change of scene? Just state very calmly that there isn’t room for everyone so it’s probably best on this occasion if you stay home. the situation as it is doesn’t sound as if it will be enjoyable for anyone so In your shoes I would gracefully bow out.

IrmaFayLear · 08/07/2019 12:30

Sounds horrendous.

But on the (nice) assumption that the gp thought it would be lovely to have all the family together, I still think it is fine for your dh to say, "Look, Mum, this is going to be a bit of a squash, so could you please bunk in with Dad whilst we're there? Otherwise we may not be able to stay as planned."

The response to this might give an indication of whether they really want you all to be together and have a nice time, or if they are just marking their territory.

luckygreeneyes · 08/07/2019 12:31

Could you move your holiday to the week they come back?

Otherwise air b&b for you and baby or I wouldn’t be going. That is not a holiday.

Sparkletastic · 08/07/2019 12:31

Gah! Definitely separate accommodation for you and baby or else you stay home. My ILs are similarly blissfully unaware that their DS doesn't get on with them and did the some to us on a couple of 'free' holidays that it then became clear they were coming on too. The 2nd time was the last time.... They occasionally berate us for not taking advantage of their lovely HPB offers but it's twice bitten for me and DH Confused

JemSynergy · 08/07/2019 12:31

If you can't find a local BnB locally, I'd look for an apartment, they are more affordable than a villa. There is no way I would stay, I think your inlaws are being very imposing. Also, look at moving your flights I recently did this is May, I think I had to pay a fee but I think it would be worth it.

bluebeck · 08/07/2019 12:32

It's not just about the sleeping arrangements though is it?

OP says PILS are "difficult" so why would she want to spend her holiday with them?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 12:32

I don't think they think. It's prob tbf come at from their point of view of ohhh lovely we get to see all the dgc and oru son/partner for a week. Fabulous.
The practicalities of 4 children under 13 years of age who get up in middle of night still and early and make lots of noise, hasn't occurred to them. I don't think they will find it relaxing either given the lack of space etc etc.
If it was for a weekend either end we would manage the kids could ahve an adventure and camp in the garden or some such but for the whole time and without asking its a bit much.

OP posts:
crosstalk · 08/07/2019 12:33

OP can you try the tourist information centre? I may have missed where you're going but there is Gites de France and similar things in Spain, Italy, Greece and Portugal.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 08/07/2019 12:33

I think your ils need to go on a little holiday themselves in the local area or a bit further afield during your week! I have a similar set up and we’re overlapping a bit and then the owners of the villa are driving into Italy for a few nights while we have a few nights just family, then they’ll come back to their place after we’ve gone.

JemSynergy · 08/07/2019 12:33

If you can't find a BnB locally, I'd look for an apartment, they are more affordable than a villa. There is no way I would stay, I think your inlaws are being very imposing. Also, look at moving your flights I recently did this is May, I think I had to pay a fee but I think it would be worth it.

sonjadog · 08/07/2019 12:35

I would stay at home and send your DP and the older children for the week.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 08/07/2019 12:36

If PIL share a room is there enough room for you all. If so I'd still go as long as they only take up one bedroom. If not I'd book another accommodation within reasonable drive of airport. I wouldn't worry about near PIL's place.

trackingmedown · 08/07/2019 12:39

YANBU. We have a holiday home in a very popular area which family and friends borrow often. Once we have pencilled in someone else staying there for a few days its mentally off limits for us. We would never dream of muscling in on their holiday. And my DHs parents (as annoying as they could be) were exactly the same when our kids were younger and we used their holiday place.

Sweetooth92 · 08/07/2019 12:41

Have you tried booking the site you were looking at on eurocamp directly? If you google the site name you’ll likely find their own website and it’s usually cheaper and with different availability to Worth a go

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 08/07/2019 12:43

OMG just tell them straight, in no uncertain terms.

There's not enough room for us all. We can't go at the same time.

And be prepared to cancel.

MzHz · 08/07/2019 12:44

I feel for you! The disappointment must be crushing!

Has dh managed to fix this?

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 08/07/2019 12:45

You could put one of these in the lounge, not too expensive to save the holiday and courier it out before you go?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=IKqlKN16ZUY

But seriously, say roughly where you’re going. Some mumsnetters own holiday homes and might be able to help you out.

Otherwise pay to change your flights and go somewhere else all together.

And do read your husband the riot act. 💐

TheInvestigator · 08/07/2019 12:45

It's one year. Just cancel. It's one holiday. And if you cancel, and explain why in as nice a way as possible (so they don't fall out with you) then at least it will never happen again.

MzHz · 08/07/2019 12:46

I find the fact they won’t share a room - given how many of them you are, and the impact it will have on each and every one of you - to be selfish to the point of cruel.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/07/2019 12:47

I'm in the "don't go at all" camp. You and the baby stay home, let your DP and his other kids go and spend time with their grandparents. If his father manages to take him off for ages, then it will be his mother who gets lumped with the grandchildren, not you!

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 12:51

They said they don't see the issue. Children can all share one room and me dp and baby can share another. It's not a problem.
They only had one child, they have no idea of the bickering and nightmares from loads of kids squashed in one small room - not the biggest room either. Plus they know our son doesn't sleep well and how difficult he's been. They even comment on how exhausted we look.
Dp in is defense immediately said there wasn't room room when they said and they just said the above. I'm not sure why 6 people sharing two rooms is more reasonable than 2 adults sharing one big room

OP posts: