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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
geologyrocks · 08/07/2019 11:04

But why should she Cadbury. She deserves a holiday too

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:05

Just a bit sad as it was our 'big' but affordable family holiday. The kids don't get to go overseas often due to costs, so tbh I can't let them down. I suspect dp may need to take them alone.
Maybe I could get a B&B for me. And baby? That might be easier and cheaper to find as a compromise. Plus two cars then but might be easier to find

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 08/07/2019 11:07

Tell your DP he & his 3 will be going & you & the baby will stay home. It would be no holiday for you there & you'll have a much more relaxing & stress free time paddling & listening out for the ice cream van.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/07/2019 11:07

There has to be something affordable within a 2 hour drive of the airport you are flying to!

Think outside the box here. It will be fucking shit staying with his parents whilst you are left to single mother all the children and your DP plays the big baby with his dadda.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/07/2019 11:08

ell your DP he & his 3 will be going & you & the baby will stay home.

Yeah. Or this. I would rather not go than go under the circumstance you are now in.

Summertimeatthebeach · 08/07/2019 11:08

Make every day accounted for and leave them to it imo.

SugarPlumLairy2 · 08/07/2019 11:09

If DP won’t say anything then I think yu have to.

Tell them they have utterly changed the nature of your holiday, instead of peace and fun it will be cramped and arguementative. You realise it’s their villa but this is not what you agreed to and whilst you can’t stop them it WILL irrevocably change your relationships going forward. They are stealing their grandchildren’s holiday and ruining their future relationship with you all.

Their selfishness outweighs any kindness intended by letting you use the property.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:09

I think finding accommodation for myself and baby yes there will, for 6 of us given kids diff ages etc more difficult. Plus dp will massively do a face about paying as we have accommodation for free.
A compromise of me finding a smaller place for me and baby or possibly for his parents (they won't go I suspect but I can try).
Is much much more likely.

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 08/07/2019 11:10

Peak season is hard, but if you don't demand sea front and a pool, you should be able to find something.

Alternatively, use the accommodation as a hotel. Come back after diner, leave before breakfast!

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:12

Ohh good idea about accounting for days. I'm a crazy planner at best of times.
I could plan each day and tell everyone in advance eg beach day here etc and trip. Pil can then come or not.
That plus sep accomadition to give room for me n baby is a good compramise. The house is lovely but it can't accomadate two extra adults who won't share a room and insist on the two largest rooms in the house

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 08/07/2019 11:12

Your other half needs to have serious words about this. If they insist on coming I would refuse to go. Seriously you will have a horrible time. Do not do it to yourself.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 11:13

I'm. Going to get googling!!

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 08/07/2019 11:13

They sure as shit don't sound very 'nice' OP.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 08/07/2019 11:14

They sound very selfish.
phone them and explain the situation.
Tell them you'll need to cancel if they come too.

LauderSyme · 08/07/2019 11:16

Have you tried to have - the undoubtedly difficult - conversation with your in-laws about how this does not work for you for practical reasons (very much stressing the impact on the children) and how you feel you will have no choice but to cancel your plans altogether? I can see why you would want to avoid that very awkward chat but would it be worth trying to talk to them before you definitely decide not to go?

Fridaycantsleepdoh1 · 08/07/2019 11:18

You might have luck with somewhere similar to Eurocanp. There are tons and tons of camp sites in Europe that are quite good value so maybe have a google of the area. We often pay to use facilities of the local campsites

Blondebakingmumma · 08/07/2019 11:19

Can your DP email or speak to his parents and say that there isn’t enough room unless they share a room. The alternative is an air b&b for you and bub which is going to cost you money. Can he suggest they visit a different week or a couple of days of your stay and continue their stay when you leave. I would also make clear what you have planned to do each day

Fridaycantsleepdoh1 · 08/07/2019 11:19

If it’s not too revealing post the kind of area and I’ll have a google for you... I’m good at find bargains!!

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 11:20

How did they announce this? Was it over email, phone, in person?

If there's any way for you to send a text/email to your DH and his DPs simultaneously I'd do it; state that it will be lovely to have them there, but unfortunately the sleeping arrangements just won't work (give your upthread description). Therefore STATE that you will book an AirBnB for yourself an baby so that DH and one/two DC can go in one room while the other one/two DC go in the other. STATE that this will make things much more manageable as having all of you in one space will be really crowded and lead to kids fighting/generally an unholiday-like atmosphere. STATE cheerfully how you're really looking forward to it all.

Send to all three at the same time, and wait. I guarantee that they will all be unhappy with you for various reasons, and assure you that it will all be fine, but remain firm. You know it will be shit as planned atm; change the plan.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/07/2019 11:22

State is in capitals in order to emphasise that you shouldn't be asking them if it's ok, but merely presenting them with a formalised plan.... sorry, just realised it's not clear!

FriarTuck · 08/07/2019 11:23

Can you not say to them 'Can you just confirm that you'll be sharing a room there as if not it's not going to work for us and we'll need to make other arrangements' - that way you're highlighting the problem, being proactive, and it may sort the accommodation side out - then you've just got to plan all your days and you're (relatively) okay again. Plus it may prompt them to change their dates!

verticality · 08/07/2019 11:23

Oh gosh, I'm sorry your plans have fragmented like this. I think this is the problem with holidays in family property: it's fine where there are healthy boundaries in place, but can rapidly become a nightmare where overstepping is the norm.

I am sure it wouldn't out you to tell people which airport you are flying into. Mumsnetters have a wealth of experience in terms of travel and will maybe be able to suggest affordable alternatives to rescue your break!

TheBrockmans · 08/07/2019 11:24

Yes I was going to suggest that you and baby stay elsewhere. Dh shares with one of the dsc. You either have days planned - baby and I will be over at 10, make sure you are all ready for the beach. Or turn up a little later so FIL can't steal dh away for hobby. No need for an extra car, they can wait until you get to them. Maybe a couple of evenings you and baby have an early night so you don't end up catering for them all, as long as there is food in the house. 3 adults and 3 children can get together some food.

kateandme · 08/07/2019 11:24

your going to go arent you

PeonyPink0 · 08/07/2019 11:25

Tell us where it is (-ish) and we will sort you a place within the hour.